Thursday, December 31, 2009
In the past year I have:
-Moved out and became and adult!
-Kissed 2 boys
-Had my heart broken 3 times
-Met some amazing life long friends
-Got a roommate who I literally have 3 million inside jokes with
-Bought a fish
-Buried a fish
-Bought a turtle
-Bought a new camera
-Started a small (emphasis on small) photography buisness
-Became a ghetto Martha Stewart
-Cut off all of my hair
-Went to Lake Powell for the first time in my life
-Tubed for the first time in my life
-Visited Texas to watch my sister graduate
-Lost 15 pounds
-Gained them back
-Had a car die
-Became more nerdy than I ever thought I could be
-Fell in love with The Doctor (aka David Tennant)
-Met Frank Warren
-Met a lot of members of the Jazz
-Met Mark Hoppus (for 3 whole seconds!)
-Saw Blink-182 and Britney Spears in concert
-Took some BEAUTIFUL pictures of my beautiful friends
-A bunch of late night amazing adventures including night shoots, movie midnight showings, and random trips to walmart at 2 in the morning
-Ate cheesecake on a stick
-Saw a Neil Diamond impersonator
-Lost a long time friend to a battle with cancer
-Learned to use Photoshop!
-Went to Lagoon twice in a week with good friends
-Went to the State Fair
-Took a spur of the moment trip up to Yellowstone
-Watched a friendship I thought would last forever crumble in a weekend
-Joined an Improv group and kind of met my soulmates
-Built a sheet fort in my living room
-Got an amazing job and have some AMAZING people there
-15 new nicknames? That might be a record for me
-Had an AMAZING Halloween costume that I made myself
-Got an addiction to my glue gun!
-Spent a great evening at the Organ Loft with some great friends
-Played a lot of video games
-Dyed my hair no less than 12 times (it could have been more, I don't really remember)
-Bought 8 Threadless t-shirts for myself (I bought 5 more but they went to other people
-Enriched my "theatre" side
-Found out why I am the way I am (ESFP forever!)
-Dealt with a gross mouse
-Got closer to God (yay!)
-Made a bunch of awesome headbands
-Had one fantastic weekend up at Bear Lake
-More trips to Cafe Rio than I would ever care to count
After a year, I'm still as in love with this city as I was those first few days I explored downtown, I'm still in love with my bathroom, still in love with my house, still in love with everything really. I've had a beautiful year.
Up on the agenda for next year? A whole lot of adventures for sure but there will be a cruise to Mexico for my 24th birthday, (hopefully, but doubtfully) a trip to ComicCon in July, lots of school (bleh), turning 24, much more open letter blogs, and hopefully.....love. Tee Hee.
Hope you stick with me for the next year! HAPPY FREAKING NEW YEAR!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
I'm so glad you are more "big picture" than me. It helps to have someone who makes me step back and see the whole thing. I love you.
I know we aren't SUPER close, but I love the nerdy bond that you and I share. I love that we understand each other in a way that no one else ever will. You are the best big brother a nerdy girl like me could hope for. I love you too.
You all bring something to the table that enriches my life in ways I never thought possible. You have not only given me a beautifully fun creative outlet for my emotions and energy, but you have given me a great second family to move into. You have introduced me to a way of performing that I could have never achieved on my own. I know we all have our share of problems and there are some things that definetly need to be adressed and fixed, but overall, I love spending time with all of you and wouldn't change it for the world.
There are many thing I love about you and I could spend three or four hours listing them but for now I will pick the numero uno reason. You are SO easy to shop for when it comes to Christmas presents. Bless you, you fantastic woman. May all your sons be bishops.
Get out of my head, stay away from my dreams, and stop making my heart beat so fast. You are ruining everything.
Dear Super Snotty Nurse
I do not apreciate the way you spoke to me today. I may just be an aide, but I work here and I pull my weight, I deserve as much respect as the next person. I don't care if you have a BSN or not. You are the worst example of healthy living, you smoke and are *morbidly obese so get off my back.
You are seriously the sweetest woman ever. I love speaking my crap-tacular Spanish with you, you alway think I'm so cute and funny. I wish I could see myself the way you see me. You are amazing. "Feliz Navidad y un Felicidades Nuevo Ano! Te Amo!"
Dear Mr. Tennant-
Good Lord, I LOVE YOU. I hope someday I meet your fantastic face and get to tell you exactly how much I love you. I mean, you have knocked Matthew Gray Gubler right out of the number 1 spot as my biggest celebrity crush. That is something no one has been able to do for 3 some odd years now. Congrats. I don't know how I will react to the newest Doctor taking over for you, I don't know if I will like it as much. But good night nurse, you are AMAZING!
Cease and desist all hostilities towards me immediatly! Throw down your weapons and come out with your hands up.
Dear Robert Kirby-
I've never thanked you, but you are always a bright spot on my day when I read your column. I wish more men in the church were like you. I won't say I wish they all were because then nothing would ever get done and the church would never move forward because all the men would be busy sitting in thier recliners annoying thier wives or finding ways to not put up Christmas lights and not service their snowblowers. But if just a few more men were like you in the Church, there might be a little more love and a little less politics.
Glad you aren't a part of our home anymore. I got sort of paranoid walking around barefoot. I wore shoes when I didn't need to, that's a big deal. I can sleep a lot better too knowing you aren't running around ruining everything. I won't miss you, not one bit.
Dear Anyone Reading This-
Merry Christmas/Happy Hannuka/Happy Kwanza/Happy Winter Solictice and any other holidays celebrated at this time of year. I'm glad you stick with me even when I don't keep up updated or I'm grumpy or I write crappy blogs.
*I'm not being mean, I'm just being honest. Nurses that don't follow general heath practices like not smoking and staying with in a realativly healthy weight tick me off. This lady is easily 350 pounds, trust me. I would never fault a person for being overweight considering I am, but people who let themselves go as far as she had are just plain lazy and generally annying.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
This is of course in no particular order so here is the things I'm Thankful for
1. The great journey this last year has been moving away from home and really finding out who I am.
2. Rachel, she has been the singularly greatest friend that God has ever sent my way
3. My mom and the great relationship that has blossomed between the two of us this year.
4. My 4 fantastic siblings and 2 great in-laws who make me feel pretty freaking awesome
5. The 3 beautiful small people that call me Aunt Brittany
6. The house I live in and that I'm safe and warm and have electricity and I have a great landlord.
7. The plain and simple fact that my roommates haven't killed me yet.
8. That I live in a country where I'm allowed to have my own thoughts and opinions
9. A beautiful knowledge of my Savior and his love for me. Not to mention the peace it brings in these difficult times
10. Amazing friends
11. Even though it's not a very much, a steady paycheck from a job which most days? I ADORE
12. Grandparents who love me
13. The Jesters Royale
14. Two functioning eyes, ears, arms, legs, kidneys, and lungs. One functioning voice, brain, heart, and stomach.
15. Jung, Meyers, and Briggs for making me understand why I am the way I am. ESFP!
16. Dustin for introducing me to being an ESFP
17. The Late Pheonix and Evo Shandor
20. DSL Internet Connections
21. The Amazing people that serve this country in the Armed Forces and The Families that love and support them
22. My gold NES
23 My green DS Lite
24. Vaughn (my laptop)
25. Juno (My first camera)
26. Reid (My new Camera)
27. Pinky McGee (my ipod)
28. Public Transportation
29. Robert Brooklyns (he invented the hot glue gun)
30. John and Hank Green and Nerdfighters everywhere
31. Frank Warren
32. Win Co and it's well priced good
33. The borrowed PS2 that is living at our house
35. My Gondor. That little green achieva that got me everwhere I needed to go for almost two years now. He died yesterday and I'm not looking forward to replacing him.
What are you thankful for?
Monday, November 16, 2009
This was an old blog I found saved on my hard drive. It's Nothing like I've ever written before and I'm actually really quite proud of the picture it paints. I was stretching my muscles with this one. Enjoy!
Warning: This was written VERY late at night as a recount of a dream I had. It's a tad gruesome and VERY emo sounding. I am also under the influence of an influx of hormones and cannot be held responsible for any thing I say as of late. Read with careful footing.
The table sits in the middle of a light. Like a scene out of bad cop movie it illuminates the very center of the table. But instead of a smoking detective and a dejected/overly egotistical criminal, I'm alone. And in place of crime scene photo's or some such evidence my heart sits.
Now I'm talking real heart, with the three branches of the aorta, the chambers, the nodes, everything. Not so different then the pig hearts I watched mercilessly dissected in Anatomy lab. It looks like Jason, Freddy, or some such other equally scary villain from a horror flick has been by. Yet, seeing my heart sitting there on the table doesn't frighten me. It makes me nervously happy.
Next to my heart is one of those manila padded packing envelopes. Much like the ones C.D.'s are sent in. All that's left to do is to put the contents inside, seal it, and put on a stamp. I'm amazed at the fact that such an object could fit into an envelope. It's so simple. Simple.
But putting my hand in my pocket reveals the problem. The invitation I had sent only weeks ago has been sent back without an answer. No resounding "Yes" no disappointing "No" just....nothing. I'm not sure whether to send it or not. My heart just sits there on the table. Collecting germs and dust and God knows what else waiting to either be shoved back into the deep recesses of my body beneath the protective layer of my ribs or be placed, lovingly into the envelope to be sent to someone else.
I mean, come on! It's my heart, how hard would it have been to answer the invitation with some clear, defined choice? It's not like I'm offering my kidney or a lung. I'm not even sending my useless spleen. I'm sending the heart. The stuff of poets, people.
Should I have offered my brain, would that have garnered more interest? No, no one wants the brain when they could have the heart! The heart is meatier. It's bloodier. The brain only leaks Cerebrospinal Fluid, who cares about that?
So I sit. I hm and ha for a time, wondering exactly what to do. They don't have a manual for this. There is no "What to do with your heart now that it's out and you don't know where to put it" for Dummies, they have Circutbuilding, Tarot, Baby Massage (?), Sex, and yes, Mormonism for Dummies, but no yellow book on this.
What the hell am I supposed to do. Emily Post, I need your help!
No help comes. So I sit in a straight backed metal chair, just watching. Watching as my heart dries out and begins to stain the crappy plastic tabletop. Not even bleach is going to get this out in the morning.
I don't think any amount of scrubbing will get this mess off my shirt either. For crying out loud there is a giant crater in my chest, there is no way you can cover that up with an overlarge sweater or a blanket or something. There is a crater that would let me fit in on the moon staring up at me from my torso.
So what do I do. I do nothing....
I just sit there and watch my heart start to shrivel. Lack of fluid, lack of oxygen, lack of use. I don't need a microscope to watch the tissues die. Anyone could see that.
I do nothing.....nothing but cry over the loss of something so cherished, I loved that damn thing. The only sound that punctuates the cries is complete silence, silence and indifference. Silence so palpable it feels like a second skin.
No I must sit here until I can make a decision or something happens....whichever comes first I guess.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Seriously? Do you need to be upset ALL day? I'm aware it's mostly nerves, but still. I need some freaking pepto.
I've been waiting for you for a while.
Dear Evo Shandor-
You are the only one for me, you adorable turtle. I hope you and I have a long life together!
Dear Acute Therapy Staff-
I never thought I would ever fit in with you, but the last few days I finally realized something. I do. You are a (relatively) great group of people and I'm so happy to be working here.
I've so far never written to you, but seriously? You cleaned your room on Wednesday and it's already a MESS! Get with the program sister. You aren't 8 years old anymore!
You, Me, passports, CABO, cruise ship, sunshine, photos, turtles, Halloween, dance parties, internet, man-bashing, "GRRRR, Satchel", awkward conversations that aren't actually awkward because we agree on it, boyfriend and royfriend. Need I say more?
Dear Amazing People in My Life,
Thanks so much in advance for coming to the show tonight. The fact that you are there will make life so much easier!
Believe it or not, I adore our awkward non-conversations. You are a hillarious friend. Can't wait to magnify the awkwardness in February!
GAH you have been so gorgeous the last week. I hope it stays like this until Thanksgiving. Hell, I'd like it to stay like this till Christmas. Just snow in the mountains to keep the skiers and the farmers happy.
You seriously make me laugh too much. I'm so glad to have found somone else who enjoys singing random crap like an opera. You are one of my favorite people ever! I love when you tease me about my 15%, and you understand my points of views on being a normal Mormon instead of a Stormin Mormon. I'm glad to have someone as awesome as you in my corner.
Dear Rocket Dog Shoes-
I would gladly be a walking advertisment for all of your shoes. They are comfortable, durable, and really quirky awesome. I haven't loved shoes the way I love yours since the Green 'Roos of 2005. Plaid sneakers, pink moccasins, and gold running shoes? You make me look like a crazy awesome person. You are the best.
Dear Chai Latte-
Why did it take you so long to kick in today? I'm suddenly not feeling so tired but I drank you nearly 6 hours ago! What gives? Wait...that could have been the Diet Coke I drank at lunch. You did nothing Chai Lattes! Booooo. I still love you though!
I wish you could be here tonight. I know where you are is the place you are supposed to be. Doing the Lords word is pretty important, but my debut won't be the same without you. I know you will be thinking about me and sending happy thoughts my way though. You are the best and I can't wait till you get home!
Dear Keri, The Jakes, Blake-Face, Inigo, and Brady-
I don't think I could ask for a better team to spend my evening with. I know I won't screw up too bad with Blake at the helm and the rest of you helping me be my best. Thanks for accepting me into your flock of awesome!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a pretty confident girl. Put me in a crazy costume or make me do something silly in public? I'm there will bells on and I will probably be singing a bad 80's tune. Tell me I'm a French woman who is being attacked by aliens and put me on a stage? Eh hoo hoo, I'm a French woman being attacked by aliens. Tell me to read a paper in front of a class? No big deal. Reason with an unruly patient or their angry family members? Piece of cake! Point out body parts on a cadaver? Sign me up.
But put me on a date where I have to be confident, understatedly sexy, funny, and smart girl standing in front of a potential suitor? Suddenly I'm a doubtful, over-analyzing, nervous wreck who can't string two words together in a remotely intelligent factor. I hate that dating does that to me. I hate that it saps me of any positivity concerning myself.
Suddenly I'm debating wardrobe choices for hours, obsessing over the state of my eyelashes, begging and pleading with my unruly hair to cooperate, and forgetting what a fantastic person I am. All I can focus on is how completely fabulous my date is and how I will never be in his league. I hate that a person who believes that playing Madden 09 all day gives them athletic prowess (read: SWEEPING STEREOTYPE) makes me a quivering, bumbling fool. Here's the sad thing though....the dudes? They don't notice have of the crap I worry about for far to long.
If I have a pimple on the side of my face or a stray eyebrow hair, chances are guys aren't even going to notice. That is unless I point it out. Of course, because I feel like I look less then perfect, I obsess about it and everything I say the whole time I'm on a date.
I'm a person who likes things to be black and white. But when it comes to dating there are so many stupid factors that go into whether someone is into you or not. "Did he hold your hand? Well for how long? Was there inter-digitation? Oh no inter-digitation? That's a bad sign." or "Did he hold your hand or did you hold his? Did he let go or did you? Was there inter-digitation? There was? Oh, that's a bad sign." Geeze, and that's just when it comes to hand holding. There is also factors of how close your faces got, whether he opens your door or not, the awful "goodbye" situation (was it the awkward ass-out hug or a full body hug?).
Why are we perpetuating this terrible over-analyzing? It's driving me INSANE! Yeah maybe he put his hand on the small of my back, what does it matter? Just because he touched my shoulder for 4 seconds instead of 5 doesn't mean he doesn't or does like me.
I blame the men frankly. It's all their fault. Yeah, fellas, I'm blaming you. So what if I blame you and there's nothing you did. I can do that as a woman, just like you can suck all my self-esteem out of me because you are a man. There you go, turnabout is fair play.
Friday, October 23, 2009
After saving for and purchasing my own digital camera, I was hooked. Juno (my point and shoot) and I were nigh inseparable and I quickly became the girl who always had her camera. Juno and I spent 2 years shooting easily over 5000 pictures. Juno has since been retired and put on the hall of fame shelf.
For the first two years I explored what kind of photographer I was. I remember being fascinated by pictures of sports stars in triumph or in sadness. One of my favorite pictures to this day is a picture I took of a girl on my sister's swim team right after she looked at her time on the scoreboard and came to the realization that she was the 11th fastest swimmer in the state in breaststroke. At the time I thought it meant I was supposed to be a sports photographer. But as I evolved I realized those were the first stirrings of trying to catch the essence of humanity on film.
I always had been attracted to people as my subject manner, but in a quiet non-posed way. A simple kiss on a cheek, a pile of girls painting their toenails, or an athlete celebrating at a personal triumph (or loss). I like taking pictures of simple things that everyone can relate to. It's hard to do because 1) you pretty much always have to have you camera nearby and 2) you have to be sneaky.
Most people instantly either tense up or ham up when you pull out a camera. I myself am a ham/tenser. I do both. That is why I prefer to be on the other side of the camera for pictures. But if you are correctly sneaky (as I am trying to learn to do with a larger camera) you can catch beautiful moments of humanity. It makes me grateful to be able to see the world in this way. Some photographers only see pain or anguish. While others choose to only photograph perfectly poised models in man made light. I choose to let humanity shine through my photos.
Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate other photography styles for what they are, amazing art that I could never create in my wildest dreams. I could look at photos all day everyday if I could. One might go as far as saying that I would like to see every photograph ever taken. You know, obviously striking out anything that is pornographic.
I actually now dream in photo shoots. It's a magical process of how I create a shoot in my head. Something catches itself in the web of my brain and I cultivate it for a day or so and then I sleep on it. Generally the whole thing comes together in a dream and then I spill the whole thing to Rachel who is really good at putting it in words (something I'm terrible at). Seriously that is where my motivation comes from most of the time. The cool thing about looking at pictures all the time is I often have a reference point to make an initial example of and then to run with it in a somewhat parallel direction. It's fun!
For instance, I work up one morning with my hair all kinds of crazy and my eyeliner from the night before smeared with like 20 blankets on my bed so it looked like a cave and the next night I had a dream about what I wanted it to be and this morning I verbalized it to Rachel and voila! I have a shoot in the works.
It should be fun to just work one on one with Rachel again, we haven't done that in a while where it's just me and her. The last few shoots have been punctuated with other people. It will also be fun to finally shoot in a more artistic style with Reid (my new camera!) I have yet to shoot a single "artsy" thing with him yet!
But what I think is the most important thing about photography, more important than my style, more important that my models, or the subject matter, and even the finished product it who I become when I pick up a camera. When that camera is in my hands, I feel like a great historian for those small simple moments that are so easily forgotten. By capturing a moment like my neice and nephew sitting on the lap of my younger sister I prove that all three of them existed in a space of time together and that they all obviously love each other. Things happen and there will be a time that all three of them don't exist in the same sphere. By clicking my camera for that split second I conquer the fear of a fading memory.
I'll finish up this soul-searching blog with two of my favorite quotes about photography that adequately explain why I love it so much.
"You don't take a photograph. You ask, quietly, to borrow it."-Unknown
"There are always two people in every picture: the photographer and the viewer." Ansel Adams
I'm never going to be a perfectionist when it comes to my photos, because life isn't perfect. Life is a mess.
In my opinion though, that's what makes it fun!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Happy Saturday folks! Ready for another round? You know I am!
I'm glad that you and I could get back to being friends and living a calm symbiotic lifestyle. Who would have thought that putting a little black dye in you was just the ticket to get us back on track.
Dear Village Inn-
Good food, good feelings? Why yes, last night it was! I love you, I've never had a bad time when I come to visit you. Plus bringing on a drinking game based on things I do? GENIUS!
A 40 minute long conversation? Dang I didn't think there were people on this earth that talk as much as me. You sir, have proven me wrong!
Dear Family of Deer-
Someday Karma will get you back for trying to kill me and Rachel last night.
and it wouldn't be Open letters without....
Awwww a deer....Ooo more deer....
I hate you, okay so actually I think you are pretty fantastic guy. But I hate you. SHOT!
Dear Bailey/Garcia family-
Thanks for all the fun last night. I love you guys. The family that Bowls together, stays together.
Go away, I'm tired of being cold.
Dear Warm Blankets-
You are the devil's creation because you are so fantastic. All warm and cuddly. CURSE YOU!
I thought I fired you last week, why the crap are you still hanging around. I fired you, in a big way. That means NO SEVERANCE, NO UNEMPLOYMENT, NO HOPE OF REHIRE. Go away before I call the cops on you for loitering.
Dear Halloween Costume-
Dear Count Chocula-
Thank you for choosing to come stay at my house. You are promoted to head Vampire. Edward can kiss it!
Dear Franken Berry-
I can't begin to explain how happy you make me. Here's to a long happy life together.
Dear Boo Berry-
As far as cereals go, you and your fellows represent everything that is good about humanity. May your children's children be plentiful so my children's children can experience your awesome!
You are the best, never change. I love everything about you.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Oi, why are you breaking out so bad right now? I hate you.
It was fun to make fun of you this morning. You really are a creeper and you had my drink made long before I even ordered it. It couldn't be due to the fact that I pretty much have been ordering the same thing for 4 months, it's because you are a stalker. But that's okay, stalk me all you want!
Dear Blue Dress-
Why can't I find you, each day I don't the more I worrry I won't get my costume done in time. How hard is it to find a short blue dress that I won't feel guilty cutting apart?
Dear New Coat-
I love you, no really. i.love.you.
Dear Rachel (I think you are going to make it into every one of these)
Thanks for letting me be exactly who I am. Thanks for letting me cry when I need to, build sheet tents when I need to, and for letting me watch corn-tastic chick flicks when I need to. You are the best.
Is all the chilliness necessary? I'm currently cuddled up to the space heater, awkward positioning and my skin is on fire. Thanks
Dear Pam and Jim-
EEEEEEEEEE SO CUTE!
I'm not speaking to you. Yeah, I went there.
Seriously what has been up with you lately. Did I do something to make you mad? You and I aren't agreeing on anything and that makes me sad. I though you would always be my ally, but you are fighting me tooth and nail. What up?
Dear Red Wristband-
You aren't coming off even if I get gangreen or some gross rash, I WILL WIN!
Dear Cozy Bed and Jammie Pants-
You can stop calling my name, I can hear you all the way over here and there is no way I'm going to get back to you until the workday is over.
Thanks for being there :)
You are fired, like in a big way.
Dear Inexplicably Always Sore Calf Muscle-
That goes for you too.
Dear Large Pile of Laundry-
Are you feeding off of something in there? You seem to get bigger everytime I get home! I mean do you have a small child who's lifeforce you are sucking away, it's like you are the Audrey II! Are you eating people I love to get stronger?
and on that note-
Dear Little Shop of Horrors-
YAY! I can't wait to see you. Jacob awkwardly kissing girls? Count me in.
We make up 75% of the population, yet 75% of my friends are introverts. WHERE ARE YOU? The introverts are sucking my lifeforce from me, I need you to feed back my energy.
Let me make sure I covered everything....cold, no lifeforce, large laundry pile, school, messy hair, sleepy, hormones. Okay, I think I covered all I wanted to today.
If after all this time you are still with me? Thanks to you.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
talk/complain to about anything and everything and she will give me good sound advice.
16. Jenny Underdown. That woman welcomed me into my new department at the U with arms wide open. She has always been my friend and always puts up with my yo-yo moods. She's not one that believes in dwelling on the bad. She always sees the shinier side of the coin, the bright side of the moon, and a rainbow in every storm cloud. I would have quit this job without her.
21. Kirsten Kemmer. We spent an amazing/frustrating summer together as camp counselors. She was always there when the work of the day became too much and she would let me cry on her shoulder. That woman's shoulder is probably soaked with so many of my tears, whether it was over frustrating little girls or Dumbledore passing away. She was also my first foray into missionary work and even though I wasn't always the example I was supposed to be, her conversion from across the county re-arranged my belief in the church for the better. I spoke at her baptism in Florida without actually being there. She's basically amazing.
I really am a lucky lucky person to have such a varied, amazing, group of people in my life. I love them all so much.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Why must you tease me so? It would be great to have some rain today and it looks like it will rain, so just let it rain already!!!!
You confuse me, and I don't like be confused. I wish time would move faster so I could see things more clearly.
Thanks for finally evolving. Level 33 Really? That took forever.
You will be done today, I promise! I'm down to the bare bones of my clothes!
Dear Little Jig-
I hope to be doing you very soon for amazing reasons.
Dear Wimpy Boy and Pansy Girl-
You two are MADE for each other. Stop worrying that you are going to get hurt by each other. You need to just understand how much you two will wonderfully compliment each other. You will have beautiful children and a grumpy, violent, loving, happy life together. Just stop being afraid!
Dear Photo shoot-
Why can't you happen sooner? Why can't I figure you the crap out and get it done. You are festering inside of me and I won't rest till I release you.
Why must you be so vast with out any hope of an end/oasis? I'm tired of trudging through you with out a canteen.
Dear Dinosaur Shaped Nuggets-
It won't be the same dinner without you.
I'm glad to be seeing you tomorrow to have you make my hair edgy again. It should be fun to be able to control my hair again.
Is all this bushiness neccesary?
Dear Pink Moccasins and Gold Sneakers-
I FREAKING LOVE YOU. You are not only cheap, well made shoes. But you make me stand out in a crowd. I love doing that!
Make up your mind and let me perform already. In protest I will not do another box office until you do! I'm tired of being in the audience and feeling like an outsider. I don't like this at all. I'm ready.
Love, Hate, Frustration, Happily, and Figitily Yours-
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
I've never understood people who are unkind based solely on their tastes in music. I have loved Blink for just under 10 years. Their music is something that has always moved me in a way nothing else really has. I don't care if the next album is going to suck, it doesn't discount the way they changed the face of rock music in the 10 years they were a band. I don't care if it was stupid that they broke up, all I care about is that they are back together.
They put on a FABULOUS show, even when they messed up they sounded amazing. Tom started playing the wrong song and totally fessed up to it. I didn't even notice. They laughed together and joked like the best friends they really are. I also met Mark and he was kind and gracious and when I told him I loved him, he said he loved me back. I know that he doesn't really mean it in the sense he want my hand in marriage, but with out me and people like me, he wouldn't be making any money.
But when I put up on my facebook that I met him and it was a great experience and someone puts "That's too bad, because he's a tool" really pisses me off! What right does anyone else have to rain on my parade. Mark is a person who is very special to me. He and I are both came from a home that wasn't very happy at times. His life, of course was much more terrible than mine. But we both came from home without good fathers and we are both products of divorce.
The song "Stay Together For The Kids" was a song that I always identified with. It was so difficult to deal with my parents divorce. Songs like that made me feel a little less alone. I cried when they sang it last night. It was such a surreal feeling to be standing there hearing Mark sing that song right in front of me and evoke the feeling that it would bring about when I would hear that song. It felt like Mark was hugging me and telling me he understood.
I HATE that people get mean about something like that. Music is about connecting personally with it. Finding your own reason to love music is why people keep making music. People want to connect on a deep level with thier music. I find my conncetion with a band that you can't deny is TALENTED, I mean, you can't listen to Travis Barker drum and not say he's talented. I won't say he's the best drummer ever but he's is definetly on a top 2o list of drummers. Travis learned to play over 20 songs in 2 hours when he first played with Blink. That is an amazing feat of talent.
I just don't like people "judging" me by the music I like. Grow up, get off your high horse, stop being an ass, and just let people like the music they like.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Thank you so much for stealing my Saturday sleep-in's to do nothing but sit on my butt for most of the day and feel extremely useless. I don't care if I get paid to do it, I'd rather be doing it at home, for free, in my bed. At the same time, I'm really greatful I have you, and should be way more apreciative.
Dear Every Attractive Married/Gay Guy working at the hospital-
Thanks for looking so fantasic and making me all giddy inside with your dumb compliments only to remind me that YOU ARE MARRIED/GAY. There should be a natural law that makes you ugly after you get married/come out. You frustrate me.
Dear Glute muscles-
I'm glad you are in so much pain this morning, it's making walking around so much fun.
Dear People with Annoying children-
Keep your eyes on them, it's not anyones job but yours. Don't breed them if you can't take care of them. I hate your parenting style, oh and I probably hate you.
Normally, I LOVE this weather, but today, you are making me achy and creaky and I sound like an old lady when I complain about my sore joints.
Dear Married people,
Complaing about being married to someone who is not? Never a good idea. I mean, I understand, you miss your single life, you miss being able to do what you want, you miss being independent, I get that. But saying you wish you had my life is sort of an insult. I love my life, don't get me wrong, but telling a single person all about how terrible it is to be married doesn't make me feel any better that I am without said marriage. I know it's not the most important thing in the world, getting married, but it's something I long for. I long for companionship and you treating your with such contempt and annoyance is a little bit of a slap in the face. Don't tell me I get more action that you do. I get NO ACTION unless I'm willing to be skanky and just "get some" for the sake of "getting some" which I don't do. You have a live in person who will from time to time give you that affection that all humans crave. Yeah, it may not be as much as you like but that person genuinely loves you and all the hassel of always looking good and always saying the right things is no longer in the picture.
Hem Hem...moving on.
Dear Long Drive I Have To Do Today-
I just don't even want to think about you. Why can't we just build pneumatic tubes all over and just use those to get where we need to?
Dear Ginormously Large Spiders in the Basement-
Enjoy your small pitiful lives, once I figure out how to get rid of you, there will be arachnacide. Make no mistake. You will be pitiful bad guys and I will be Chuck Norris. Prepare yourself aptly.
Okay, now some nice ones
I don't really miss you as much as I thought I would. Thanks for letting me take a huge risk with you, it's been a fun transition.
You are amazing, I just can't even begin to explain how awesome it's been to have you in my life. La casa de Racel and Brittay is going to be an amazing adventure and I can't think of anyone else I would rather have as my sidekick/wingwoman/partner in crime than you.
Thanks for realizing that I'm in a bad mood today and letting me make fun of you and takin it all in stride. You are the best boss/co-worker a grumpy kid like me could ask for.
Dear Fiesty Don't-Give-A-Damn Old Ladies-
You make me laugh, make me look forward to getting old someday, and just all around are the most amazing people to meet. Never change no matter what anyone says.
Dear Pink Sweatshirt-
You were a comfy cozy companion today. Thanks for staying soft and cuddly and making me feel better.
Dear 500 Days of Summer-
Thanks for giving me something really cool to look forward to today. It's been a small talsiman inside me keeping me going through my grumpy-ness.
Dear Anyone Who reads this blog-
Thanks, that's all I can say.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
This decision has been about a month in the making. I keep reading articles titled "Should you cut your hair short" and exploring all the possibilites that short hair will give me. My feelings on it change every day one day I will be like "Hell Yes! Cut all the crap off!" and then an hour or so later, I'm like "My pretty pretty hair, why would I want to cut it all off?"
But I'm going to do it, I'm seizing my day, I'm throwing caution to the wind, I'm doing something I may regret, but I'm doing it.
I guess the real reason I'm doing it is because I'm trying to be more open to new exiriences. I've always been pretty open-minded when it comes to trying something new. Whether it's new food, activites, people, clothes, hair colors, decorating, tv shows/movies/music, and now I add to that list, hair lengths.
Most of my life I have what you would call medium to long length hair. I once cut my hair super short in high school by an inexpirienced cosmetologist. It was AWFUL. I couldn't do much with it, it was all one length without any bangs. I faked liking it the whole time. It's the only time my hair has been anywhere in the vicinity of my ears. I generally don't cut higher than that because I really like pulling my hair into a pony tail.
But today at 2 o clock, I will be cutting off all of it. I'm aware that some may think this will rob me of my femminity, and that boys like girls with long lush hair, but I'm not doing this for anyone but me. I'm cutting it to fufill a list of promises I made to myself when I turned 23 so that I wouldn't fester and not try any new things. I feel a strong pull to complete as much on that list as humanly possible in the next year. Two months in I have been really remiss in fufilling any of them! I've finished one thing and that was by accident.
So shut up and tell me my hair is cute whether you like it or not!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
It's still funny to me after all these years that I refer to Marie as my aunt when 1) Marie is in no way shape or form related to my mother or father and 2) Marie was, for all intents and purposes, my mother. My actual mother died not long after my eighth birthday from a long battle with breast cancer. I couldn't believe a person could lose someone so important to them as their mother at so young an age. I thought that it was all a bad dream and I would wake up to my mother soothingly sitting on the edge of my bed telling me everything would be alright.
It wasn't until Marie walked me to the ominous dark coffin that held the remains of my beloved mother that the truth really set in. At that point, I was inconsolable. My mother had been my best friend, the woman who helped create and cultivate the imaginary worlds I lived in. She was the high queen of the faeries, the captain of the pirate ship, the owner of our ludicrous hybrid dog washing/lemonade stand. How would I survive with out her?
Luckily I had Marie, my mothers oldest most trusted friend. She was the only one in the world that I could have ever imagined attempting to fill the hole that my mothers death left behind. She was one of many beloved "family" members that consisted of the people my mother decided were her family.
I had heard the rumors of my blood relatives from whispered conversations in back rooms with Marie, or in left behind letters that my mother tried to write but forgot to clean up. They seemed to be a group of rich over-privileged people who thought themselves better than everyone. That was how my mother portrayed them.
Frankly even at 8 I wanted nothing to do with a family who made half-ass attempts to meet me. I'm sure my mother was relentless about keeping me away from them, but still it never seemed like they tried that hard. I had a family who loved me, supported me, and then raised me after my mother died and that's all I will ever need in the entire world.
To explain my life growing up I would first have to explain what kind of people my mother and Marie were. Both of them were scatterbrained to a fault, that's probably why I like to take care of people, neither of them were really that reliable. At a young age I had to be the adult. I loved both of them and I didn't mind being responsible but looking back sometimes I missed out on just being a kid.
To be continued!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying, "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?"
Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you
'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving
Policeman says, "Son you can't stay here"
I said, "There's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go
'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving
People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world
Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
'cause you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved
Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Friday, June 5, 2009
Here it be:
10 Things that make me happy
1. Anything vintage or funky.
2. Midnight spur of the moment ventures in to public with close friends
3. Being known as the "go to gal" among friends on medical matters.
4. Photographs, be it taking them or looking at them
5. Twirling mascara on my eyelashes
6. Singing Loudly (and poorly) in the shower
7. The feeling of being barefoot on soft grass
8. Riding the Train home from work
9. Folding fresh laundry
10. Painting my toenails
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Granted it happened inadvertently, but it happened. My darling friend Manelle who is an AMAZING artist, drew a very pretty sketch of me the other day in church. I'm hoping at some point I can get a copy of it and put it up here for everyone to see. But heck yes! one down 23 to go!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Anyway I decided to make a list of 24 things I have to do before I'm 24.
1. Lose 50 Pounds
2. Sing With a Band
3. Learn A New Language
4. Skinny Dip
5. Run a Whole Mile without stopping
6. Write and Compose a Song
7. Dye my hair every natural color (black, brown, blonde, red) at least once
8. Learn to play "All Of Me" by John Schmidt
9. Learn all of the music from Dr. Horrible on piano
10. Make a kick-ass Halloween Costume
11. Have a slip-n-slide party
12. Beat The NES Batman game I got for my birthday today
13. Pass Anatomy
14. Re-Visit my ancestral home, Los Angeles
15. Learn to knit a beanie
16. Cut my hair into a pixie cut
17. Grab a couple of people and go for a one day road trip to somewhere I've never been in Utah
18. Visit a REAL haunted house/building
19. Play blackjack in the MGM Grand
20. Kiss someone at midnight on New Years
21. Own at least one bra from Victoria's secret
22. See Blink-182 on September 7th
23. Audition for a production
24. Have and artist draw/paint/photograph me.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
I cried while I read it. I've been having a very emotional week with my new work schedule and my lack of sleep to frustrations with my family and friends and an overall de-awesome-ification of my sense of self. I needed this, because after he reprinted the speech he set his blog to show comments that people have put up, and they are the most beautiful nuggets of pump you up be awesome knowlege i've read in a really long time.
For anyone too lazy to pop over to his blog, or who read this after this week is over and it's no longer on his blog I will reprint some of the things people submitted:
Be wise enough not to be reckless, but brave enough to take great risks.
It’s okay to fail – learn from it and you will succeed.
It’s better to be pissed-off than pissed-on
With the increased prevalence of multi-drug resistant bacteria and the increasingly epidemic worldwide outbreak of swine flu, WASH YOUR HANDS . . . RELIGIOUSLY.
In the real world, you must wear shoes.
I know some of us are going to walk off this stage today with no idea about what comes next – embrace it, find something that makes you happy, and follow it wherever it leads.
It got me thinking about my own nuggets of wizdom I could pass on.....they are corny but some of them are the only thing that gets me through the day. Some of them are my own thoughts, some of them are the thoughts of others and considering how late it is right now, I don't feel like looking it up
-There is no such thing as a missed opportunity, someone else always takes it if you don't
-Find out who you are, and try to not be afraid of it
-Be as kind as possible to everyone you meet, you have no idea what kind of day they are having
-Faint heart never won fair lady
-The door may swing open for you, but you've got to grab the door handle yourself and shove your foot in before it closes
-Happiness is a decision
-Don't ever think that someone or something will make you happy. We are all responsible for our own happiness.
-Suffering in silence is never a good idea, but suffering in stereo sound system isn't good either
-Never be afraid to tell someone you love them, what the worst they can say? Thank you?
-Sometimes you are gonna be angry, sometimes you are gonna be hurt, and sometimes you are going to want to eat a whole tub of ice cream. You know what? Sometimes that's okay.
-Before you embark on the journey of revenge, dig two graves
-It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone
-Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed
-Superman is, after all, an alien life form. He's simply the acceptable face of invading realities
-We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered
And my favorite right now:
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world. Not even our troubles
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I try and at least take the time to say hello to them as I pass by them. When I worked at a smaller hospital, I would have daily conversations with them, they were fantastic people who always tried to brighten up someones day regardless of how tired, how sore, or how frustrating their life was going. I really have a lot of respect and high regard for them.
I'm starting to really have a problem with doctors. Since joining the medical field nearly 4 years ago I really quickly started to lose respect and faith for doctors. Again this is a SWEEPING generality. There are some AMAZING doctors out there, for instance the doctors who lend their expertise and knowledge to countries and people much less fortunate that us here in the U. S. of A. And the doctors who dedicate their lives to research to cure diseases or take care of our wounded soldiers.
I'm talking about regular old doctors, specifically doctors who work solely in a hospital. I can't make any assumptions about how it works in clinics because I've never worked in one. I'm not sure how many people realize how little doctors do in a hospital setting. The usually run through the patients they are in charge of like Paris Hilton runs through underwear.
From what I have observed, this is what a doctor does when it comes to one patient.
1. Glance through their chart for maybe 10 minutes
2. Rush in an out of a patients room literally as fast as they can (usually about 5 minutes, unless the patient is relentless)
3. Answer as little questions as possible both for the family and the patient or speak in medical jargon that a regular person would have no way of translating
4. Write a really long list of sometimes really retarded orders in a handwriting that channels a serial killer
5. Read their dictations into a phone so they don't have to type them in themselves for the computer charts
6. Boss around the nurses/cna's/anyone on the floor without a degree as high/higher than thiers
7. Then spend 30-40 minutes chatting it up with their other pedestal dwellers about nothing more important than their newest toy bought with their disturbingly large salary they earn simply because they went to school forever not because they actually do anything of substance
9. Smoke break (the most ironic of ironic)
The sad thing is, they charge you OODLES for all of that when actually the only contact you had with the doctor is the 5 minutes he spent trying to get out of your room.
Now I have to take surgeons out of the mix, there is no way that they can pass off a surgery onto someone without as much schooling as they have. This is mostly directed at general doctors who get paid to do absolutely NOTHING! You might have also noticed that I keep using the pronoun He, as much as it pains me to say it due to the equal rights thing, female doctors (with a few exceptions, of course) generally aren't this cavalier with your health. (Most) women are naturally compassionate and healers.
Anyway I don't like doctors, especially when their personal photographers order me to get out of the way so they can be photographed talking on the phone and looking professional for some infinitely stupid reason.
It brings me back to a saying I once heard concerning the medical field "All doctors are healers, but not all healers are doctors"
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My middle name is the same as this girl that was on my older brother's soccer team (her girlfriend of a sort)
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Probably last Tuesday, it was a long long day
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Well it's legible, and everyone kept complimenting it on Monday night
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Roast Beef
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Just my son, Phoenix, a beta
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I'm pretty freaking sure that I would, I'm an amazing person!
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Naw, not one freaking bit. I'm the least sarcastic person you could ever meet
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yup, and my appendix and my gallbladder!
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? SOMEDAY YES!
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? That's like chosing between your favorite shoes.....I freaking love cereal but if I must choose....Lucky Charms
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Generally no, there is something very liberating? about just pulling your shoes off at the end of the day
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? cookie dough and birthday cake batter
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their teeth or if they breathe loudly.
15. RED OR PINK? PINK!
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I try not to focus on those things but I'm gonna have to say my ability to grow hair at super human speed
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My mommy
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? It'd be cool
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? dark blue jeans and no shoes i'm barefoot as much as I can
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The Nasonex bee ad on the t.v.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Remember when crayoloa introduced all those new colors and everyone got to name them in 1993? I would be all of those colors Robins Egg Blue, Macaroni and Cheese, Denim, Mauvelous, Granny Smith Apple, Pacific Blue, Purple Mountains Majesty, Razmatazz, Shamrock, Tickle Me Pink (and yes I looked some of them up!)
23. FAVORITE SMELL? Boy Smell, Anything Tropical-y, limes and lemons, and the ocean
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My little sister
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Heck no, Heather is the worst ever! Just kidding, she isn't my smarty-pants wife for nothing!
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? On TV? Like none, I hate watching sports on TV, but I love watching pretty much any sport live. But definitely hockey.
27. HAIR COLOR? Redish brownish right now. I'm in need of a dye job
28. EYE COLOR? Hazel-y but sometimes they can be more green or more brown, I'm a believer that they change with my mood
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? I want to but I can't afford them right now so I wear glasses
30. FAVORITE FOOD? I love pizza, like soooo soooo much!
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Well here's the thing, I used to think that I liked scary movies as long as a dude was with me, but early on in the year I saw a scary movie with a guy and I hated hated HATED it! I really like happy ending movies.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? X-Files, I want to believe
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Brown
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Sprummer I like the time right before summer and right after winter
35. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses from boys and my niece and nephews, hugs from everyone else!
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Cheesecake, cake, pie, okay anything that could be considered a relative of cakes, but since Tedi made me Cakies I freaking fell in love with them.
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I have no idea
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? See above question
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? The encyclopedia of useless information
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't have one, eat that quiz
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? I watched a rerun of scrubs on my computer, does that count as watching TV?
42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)? Falling rain, the laughter of friends, words of affection, my ipod, the sound of a handsome man breathing in my ear
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? BEATLES! Love those boys
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Roatan Bay, Honduras
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Making others laugh, giving AWESOME hugs, being compassionate, healing people in my own way
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Long Beach, California
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Whoever does it.
48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? Oh it was a magical night.....I was at the circus and he was cleaning up the elephant poo, he saw me from across the big tent and all time stopped. He pushed aside some floating popcorn and suddenly I ran away, it was love at first sight. (anyone who knows what that is from gets a cookie!)
49. IS THE CUP HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? Half full, always will be
50. IF YOU COULD SIT DOWN TO DINNER WITH FIVE PEOPLE WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE? Matthew Gray Gubler, Jane Austen, Judy Garland, Jim Halpert, and Mister Rogers