Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Thankful List

So Thanksgiving is coming up and OF COURSE I have to do a thankful list.

This is of course in no particular order so here is the things I'm Thankful for

1. The great journey this last year has been moving away from home and really finding out who I am.
2. Rachel, she has been the singularly greatest friend that God has ever sent my way
3. My mom and the great relationship that has blossomed between the two of us this year.
4. My 4 fantastic siblings and 2 great in-laws who make me feel pretty freaking awesome
5. The 3 beautiful small people that call me Aunt Brittany
6. The house I live in and that I'm safe and warm and have electricity and I have a great landlord.
7. The plain and simple fact that my roommates haven't killed me yet.
8. That I live in a country where I'm allowed to have my own thoughts and opinions
9. A beautiful knowledge of my Savior and his love for me. Not to mention the peace it brings in these difficult times
10. Amazing friends
11. Even though it's not a very much, a steady paycheck from a job which most days? I ADORE
12. Grandparents who love me
13. The Jesters Royale
14. Two functioning eyes, ears, arms, legs, kidneys, and lungs. One functioning voice, brain, heart, and stomach.
15. Jung, Meyers, and Briggs for making me understand why I am the way I am. ESFP!
16. Dustin for introducing me to being an ESFP
17. The Late Pheonix and Evo Shandor
18. Photoshop
19. Facebook
20. DSL Internet Connections
21. The Amazing people that serve this country in the Armed Forces and The Families that love and support them
22. My gold NES
23 My green DS Lite
24. Vaughn (my laptop)
25. Juno (My first camera)
26. Reid (My new Camera)
27. Pinky McGee (my ipod)
28. Public Transportation
29. Robert Brooklyns (he invented the hot glue gun)
30. John and Hank Green and Nerdfighters everywhere
31. Frank Warren
32. Win Co and it's well priced good
33. The borrowed PS2 that is living at our house
34. Pie
35. My Gondor. That little green achieva that got me everwhere I needed to go for almost two years now. He died yesterday and I'm not looking forward to replacing him.

What are you thankful for?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Interestingly old blog.

This was an old blog I found saved on my hard drive. It's Nothing like I've ever written before and I'm actually really quite proud of the picture it paints. I was stretching my muscles with this one. Enjoy!

Warning: This was written VERY late at night as a recount of a dream I had. It's a tad gruesome and VERY emo sounding. I am also under the influence of an influx of hormones and cannot be held responsible for any thing I say as of late. Read with careful footing.

The table sits in the middle of a light. Like a scene out of bad cop movie it illuminates the very center of the table. But instead of a smoking detective and a dejected/overly egotistical criminal, I'm alone. And in place of crime scene photo's or some such evidence my heart sits.

Now I'm talking real heart, with the three branches of the aorta, the chambers, the nodes, everything. Not so different then the pig hearts I watched mercilessly dissected in Anatomy lab. It looks like Jason, Freddy, or some such other equally scary villain from a horror flick has been by. Yet, seeing my heart sitting there on the table doesn't frighten me. It makes me nervously happy.

Next to my heart is one of those manila padded packing envelopes. Much like the ones C.D.'s are sent in. All that's left to do is to put the contents inside, seal it, and put on a stamp. I'm amazed at the fact that such an object could fit into an envelope. It's so simple. Simple.

But putting my hand in my pocket reveals the problem. The invitation I had sent only weeks ago has been sent back without an answer. No resounding "Yes" no disappointing "No" just....nothing. I'm not sure whether to send it or not. My heart just sits there on the table. Collecting germs and dust and God knows what else waiting to either be shoved back into the deep recesses of my body beneath the protective layer of my ribs or be placed, lovingly into the envelope to be sent to someone else.

I mean, come on! It's my heart, how hard would it have been to answer the invitation with some clear, defined choice? It's not like I'm offering my kidney or a lung. I'm not even sending my useless spleen. I'm sending the heart. The stuff of poets, people.

Should I have offered my brain, would that have garnered more interest? No, no one wants the brain when they could have the heart! The heart is meatier. It's bloodier. The brain only leaks Cerebrospinal Fluid, who cares about that?

So I sit. I hm and ha for a time, wondering exactly what to do. They don't have a manual for this. There is no "What to do with your heart now that it's out and you don't know where to put it" for Dummies, they have Circutbuilding, Tarot, Baby Massage (?), Sex, and yes, Mormonism for Dummies, but no yellow book on this.

What the hell am I supposed to do. Emily Post, I need your help!

No help comes. So I sit in a straight backed metal chair, just watching. Watching as my heart dries out and begins to stain the crappy plastic tabletop. Not even bleach is going to get this out in the morning.

I don't think any amount of scrubbing will get this mess off my shirt either. For crying out loud there is a giant crater in my chest, there is no way you can cover that up with an overlarge sweater or a blanket or something. There is a crater that would let me fit in on the moon staring up at me from my torso.

So what do I do. I do nothing....

I just sit there and watch my heart start to shrivel. Lack of fluid, lack of oxygen, lack of use. I don't need a microscope to watch the tissues die. Anyone could see that.

I do nothing.....nothing but cry over the loss of something so cherished, I loved that damn thing. The only sound that punctuates the cries is complete silence, silence and indifference. Silence so palpable it feels like a second skin.

No I must sit here until I can make a decision or something happens....whichever comes first I guess.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Open Letters...Again

So I'm all kinds of nervous and excited for my debut tonight so I can only write in open letters. I can't think too much or I'll freak myself out.

Dear Tummy-
Seriously? Do you need to be upset ALL day? I'm aware it's mostly nerves, but still. I need some freaking pepto.

Dear Tonight-
I've been waiting for you for a while.

Dear Evo Shandor-
You are the only one for me, you adorable turtle. I hope you and I have a long life together!

Dear Acute Therapy Staff-
I never thought I would ever fit in with you, but the last few days I finally realized something. I do. You are a (relatively) great group of people and I'm so happy to be working here.

Dear Self-
I've so far never written to you, but seriously? You cleaned your room on Wednesday and it's already a MESS! Get with the program sister. You aren't 8 years old anymore!

Dear Rachel-
You, Me, passports, CABO, cruise ship, sunshine, photos, turtles, Halloween, dance parties, internet, man-bashing, "GRRRR, Satchel", awkward conversations that aren't actually awkward because we agree on it, boyfriend and royfriend. Need I say more?

Dear Amazing People in My Life,
Thanks so much in advance for coming to the show tonight. The fact that you are there will make life so much easier!

Dear Jacob-
Believe it or not, I adore our awkward non-conversations. You are a hillarious friend. Can't wait to magnify the awkwardness in February!

Dear Autumn/Fall-
GAH you have been so gorgeous the last week. I hope it stays like this until Thanksgiving. Hell, I'd like it to stay like this till Christmas. Just snow in the mountains to keep the skiers and the farmers happy.

Dear Sinclair-
You seriously make me laugh too much. I'm so glad to have found somone else who enjoys singing random crap like an opera. You are one of my favorite people ever! I love when you tease me about my 15%, and you understand my points of views on being a normal Mormon instead of a Stormin Mormon. I'm glad to have someone as awesome as you in my corner.

Dear Rocket Dog Shoes-
I would gladly be a walking advertisment for all of your shoes. They are comfortable, durable, and really quirky awesome. I haven't loved shoes the way I love yours since the Green 'Roos of 2005. Plaid sneakers, pink moccasins, and gold running shoes? You make me look like a crazy awesome person. You are the best.

Dear Chai Latte-
Why did it take you so long to kick in today? I'm suddenly not feeling so tired but I drank you nearly 6 hours ago! What gives? Wait...that could have been the Diet Coke I drank at lunch. You did nothing Chai Lattes! Booooo. I still love you though!

Dear Cassie-
I wish you could be here tonight. I know where you are is the place you are supposed to be. Doing the Lords word is pretty important, but my debut won't be the same without you. I know you will be thinking about me and sending happy thoughts my way though. You are the best and I can't wait till you get home!

Dear Keri, The Jakes, Blake-Face, Inigo, and Brady-
I don't think I could ask for a better team to spend my evening with. I know I won't screw up too bad with Blake at the helm and the rest of you helping me be my best. Thanks for accepting me into your flock of awesome!

Nervously yours-