Saturday, January 30, 2010


I was planning to write an actual meaningful blog about my week and the things I've learned this week and things of that sort, but really all I can make my brain do right now is open letters

Dear Plane Tickets,
Why are you so confusing? Why do I have to have all these little factors that go into the price of my ticket. I mean, there is some sort of ticket from Southwest that is 100 dollars each way and it seems like I'm gonna get screwed if I buy these cheap-o tickets.....oh and charging for a checked bag? I'm not okay with that.

Dear Bryce,
I'm really looking forward to becoming as good a guitar player as you, I just wish my hands were a little bit bigger so that I didn't have to stretch as much when I'm playing chords. For your health.

Dear Ozma-
You are a great guitar, I love you and you sound pretty. Here's to making beautiful music.

Dear Josh Duhamel,
You are SO HOT! Seriously, how can you be as good looking as you are and still be a human being? You were SO CUTE in "When In Rome" last night. I suggest your movie to anyone who like cheesy chick flicks.

Dear Life,
Can you throw my girl Rachel a bone already? She likes this guy, and I want him to like her back. I want her sense of wonderment and love of magic to come back to her body! Plus I want to do the "I Told You So, You Finally Weren't Right About Everything" dance.

Dear Meat Locker Office,
WTH is wrong with you.

Dear Netflix,
Why did I postpone bringing you into my life for so long??? You are FABULOUS!

Dear Males,
Did you not get the memo? I'm on a boy lite diet right now. I'm focusing on school/work, not wanting to date and not pining for a boyfriend. Leave me alone!!!

Dear Hormones,
That goes double for you. Leave me the crap alone.

Dear Beautiful Couple,
You two were so heartbreakingly adorable yesterday. I'm aware you both were devastated by the impending loss your family will suffer, but you brought me hope for my own life. Hope that someday, I'll find a man to hold me like that while I cry. God Bless you in your struggle.

Dear Fingernail,
I went 2 weeks without biting you, and now I've bit you down too far.....CURSE YOU

Dear Juila Nunes,
Thank you for being such a beautiful songwriter and writing songs that are basically about me. Without the song "Indecisive" I would be lost thinking I'm the most idiotic girl in the entire world. You are pretty and so is your music.

Dear Saturday Schedule,
Basically you suck, we NEVER need two aides in the morning and we ALWAYS need two in the afternoon. Why why WHY do we have the exact opposite of what we need on Saturdays?

Dear Hair,
Grow faster!

Dear Crazy Flamboyant Nurse,
I love you, way to be a bright shiny spot on a grumptacular day.

Dear My Band of Big Brothers,
Ahhhhh cursed co-workers, I love the lot of you, as much as you drive me nuts with your incessant teasing. Seriously though, could ONE of you be serious for 3 seconds?

Dear Doctor,
Glad to have you back in my home, I've been missing you. "You're thick and so is your dad"

Dear Rachel,
I LOVE our long strange conversations in British. It makes me happy. (Heart) you!

Dear Callouses,
I love you sooooo much, you make me feel like I'm now a part of a really cool club.

slightly grumpily yours,

Friday, January 8, 2010

Basically 14 out of 24 done!

So with the New Year, I'm not only looking at my resolutions, but I just looked at my list of 24 things to do before I'm 24. Here's our recap.

1. Lose 50 Pounds
*working on it!
2. Sing With a Band
*also working on it
3. Learn A New Language
*again, working on it.
4. Skinny Dip
5. Run a Whole Mile without stopping
*I'm actually changing this one to swim a mile without stopping because running is bad for my knee and I'm working on that.
6. Write and Compose a Song
*Lyrics are written, still haven't written the music
7. Dye my hair every natural color (black, brown, blonde, red) at least once
*Done, Done, Done, and Done.
8. Learn to play "All Of Me" by John Schmidt
9. Learn all of the music from Dr. Horrible on piano
*Working on it!
10. Make a kick-ass Halloween Costume
*Rainbow Bright and it was AWESOME
11. Have a slip-n-slide party
*gonna have to wait for it warm up
12. Beat The NES Batman game I got for my birthday today
*Finished it 2 weeks after I got it
13. Pass Anatomy
*Crossing my fingers on this one
14. Re-Visit my ancestral home, Los Angeles
*May 23, it's happening
15. Learn to knit a beanie
*Halfway there!
16. Cut my hair into a pixie cut
*Done, done, done and DONE!!!
17. Grab a couple of people and go for a one day road trip to somewhere I've never been in Utah
*I NEED to do this, adventures are always fun.
18. Visit a REAL haunted house/building
*Done and it was FAB
19. Play blackjack in the MGM Grand
*This one I'm amending as well, I'm going to do it on the Cruise ship.
20. Kiss someone at midnight on New Years
*Does my turtle count?
21. Own at least one bra from Victoria's secret
*Got a gift card, and one of these days I'm getting my butt over there, I'm also changing this to just own some non-lotion item from VS, bra's in my size are too expensive.
22. See Blink-182 on September 7th
23. Audition for a production
*I did, and I'm now on a great improv team!
24. Have and artist draw/paint/photograph me
*Done, a beautiful sketch by Manelle.

So, I still have a lot of work left to do but it's gonna happen!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Reflective Blog.

As part of my New Year's Resolution I promised that I would keep my blog up better, and that also means better quality blogging. I'm only 7 days into the New Year and so far I've been making good on my promises. I've been working out, trying to watch what I eat, stay away from temptation (curse you Village Inn!). I've been looking for patience. All those things.

Although, people have been (privately) asking me about my resolution about being kinder to myself. In fact a friend at work and I were speaking about it. She couldn't believe that I had made that a resolution and she wanted an explanation. Here it be.

I guess I would need to explain how my mind works. Wait....there is no way I could explain that in blog. It would have to be a textbook with sections and diagrams and all sorts of things. Let me explain how my inner voice works. Everyone has an "inner voice". It's the thing that reminds to you brush your teeth, stand up straight, and that the things you do may or may not be inappropriate for the current situation.

My inner voice though, it's well....hmm. The best way I could describe it is a small elf like thing that roams around in my brain. This is not a kind elf. In fact, you could say that my inner voice is the MOST unkind, cruel elf in the entire world. I do not have a kind inner voice, and like me, my inner voice does not shut up. Seriously, when I'm having a conversation with someone, or doing something (like acting onstage, flirting with a boy, or trying to do laundry) my inner voice cuts down how I do it into little tiny pieces and stomps on it like a bug.

Now I'm sure, most people have inner voices similar to mine, the problem is, I listen too mine nine times out of ten. I take pretty much everything that my inner voice says as cold hard solid fact. I try not to ever show that on the out side.

Confused? I know I am, the best way I can equate it is that my whole being, who I am what I do, where I go is like a castle wall. On the outside is me, just regular old me. On the inside is my inner voice, with a sledge hammer. Every time that my inner voice trashes the wall from the inside, outside me not only tries to fix the holes, but also makes the wall that much bigger so that the holes aren't as noticeable. The problem is, outside me has to work very fast so it's shoddy workmanship, but you only know that if you poke at the wall. People rarely poke the wall because it's so big and they aren't focusing on one little thing, they are just overtaken by the enormity of the wall. They don't notice the holes and they don't notice the crappy workmanship.

So tonight on my drive home from Jesters workshop (not going to Village Inn, too many food temptations!) I started to tell off my inner voice. Basically telling it to go to hell, that I could care less what it thinks and that I don't need it making assumptions and decisions about my life. My inner voice of course, told me to go to hell right back and that she wasn't going anywhere. She also said some very cruel things (like she usually does) to make me back down. It will be a lot of hard work and it will take a chunk of my time, but I will detach her from me. I will stop believing her.

I tell you this not to make you feel sorry for me, dear readers. Nor do I tell you this so that you can compliment me out the wahzoo. I tell you this so that I will have to accept responsibility in being kinder to myself.

So keep watching this next year as I take down the ultimate villain.....THE INNER VOICE!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

On this day.....

24 years ago, a beautiful woman was born. She passed away on July 12th this year (okay actually last year). I miss her a lot. She was a wonderful, supportive, fantastic friend. Little things every day remind me she's always nearby, things I see that make me smile and think of her.
I'm not sad anymore that she's gone, I know she is happy and finally healthy and out of pain. I know she's doing an amazing work for Heavenly Father, and she's a beautiful reminder to be a better person every day.

As such, I've been reflecting on what I need to do this year to become a better person. I mean yes, it's also the new year and that makes everyone reflect and I'm going to make some REASONABLE resolutions.

1. (The Obvious One) Get healthy, lose weight, and exercise more.
2. Read my scriptures more diligently
3. Become more kind to myself
4. Look for more experiences to become a more patient woman
5. Just as I ask others to accept me for who I am, I need to accept them they way they are.
6. Take every opportunity that I can to take pictures.
7. Keep my blog updated better, and not just open letter blogs, they are the easy way out.