Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Transcribed directly from my notebook.

It's a perfect pre-fall end of summer night. I can feel that summer is dying by just the tiny drop in the temperature once the sun goes down but fall isn't quite here yet because the flowers I am surrounded by are still beautiful and fragrant.

I've been troubled as of late so praying to Him I asked for guidance. My car drove itself here. I ask for guidance and I'm drawn to holy land. Like Moses seeing the burning bush, I remove my shoes and start walking through sodden grass up the long lawn to the bench that is my landing space. I look up at the beautiful building with wet eyes in complete and utter awe of the love that He continually gives to me.

Not even a week ago I made an extremely eternal decision. I made an eternal decision that now will require an eternal covenant. This decision has not come with ease. This decision has been surrounded by the unquiet hand of the miserable one. Like unto himself he wants me to be miserable. Now that I have made this decision and have informed others of it and made myself accountable, he has brought every tornado wind and thundercloud possible to tear me away from this decision. He's brought his friends self doubt, fear, and second guessing along to make this decision that much harder.

I've been praying for peace as I continually feel the hand of darkness try to surround me. I've been praying for perspective as this hand tries to make my world a little less bright. I've been praying for a clear path when all the hand does is throw boulders in my way.

But He in his perfect and loving knowledge of who I am and what I need has been so kind and generous with His love and His blessings. He has given me amazing wonderful friends, a loving earth mother who listens and loves me, a Rachel that understands, fantastic examples to make my life seem a little less horrible, and my struggles. This week's struggles have brought me to his feet so many times, I feel that some days I just live there. Luckily He likes having me as a resident and I require no lease or rent.

So back to this beautiful bench. As I sit on said bench in front of me stands all that I could ever need. This stunning edifice answers so many questions. It reminds me to be still and know who He is. It gives me the promise of forever, the peace in knowing that no matter how many times that hand tries to make my world dark, tries to throw stones in my path, tries to remind me of how much of the natural (wo)man is still within me, that there is someone who ALWAYS will be there to bat away the hand as the last lingering hornet before fall finally takes over this year.

So with the cold stone of the bench seeping into my skin and the tingling from my wet toes still fresh; I stand, dry my eyes off, take a picture to remind me of what I have learned here from the eternal edifice that swims in my eyes as the last residual moisture is removed from my eyes. Trekking back to my car again in bare feet through sodden grass, I feel the calm I'd been hoping for.