Saturday, October 2, 2010

You are Not a Snowflake.

I realize that I talk a lot about the frustrations of my dating life here, but I never talk about what I learn from them. I'm a firm believer that everything is a lesson in one way or another and I realize now that in the past 6 months, I haven't been looking for what I've been learning.

Let me backtrack just a little bit, I've gotten back in to meditation since we tried it in my Psych class a few weeks ago. Generally my past meditations have been a solo journey, but Monica (my teacher) took us all in a whole different direction where we ended up surrounded by whatever people our subconscious decided to put in our path. I won't go into details (they are FAR too personal and would take too long to explain) but through my sessions of meditation, I've found the people that are appearing to me keep telling me the same thing. What have you learned.

After speaking with a beloved young friend who is fresh off his first college heartbreak I gave him the advice to think of every relationship as a lesson. What has that heartbreak taught you. What did that girl/boy teach you about what you want? What have you learned about yourself. So much can be learned from a broken heart.

I've had my fair share of heartbreak since I jumped into the dating scene 8 years ago at the tender age of 16. I've spent many a night crying myself to sleep. Many night pleading with the Lord to send me a "good one". There have also been nights where I've told the Lord I wasn't talking to him because once again he put someone in my life that hurt me. Luckily the Lord loves me and understands why I was mad.

I've been in love exactly 2 times. Both times were extremely painful when they ended and I thought my whole world was over. But I got up the next day and had to keep living. I've had many times since where I thought I was in love when really it was just desperation, lust, or wishful thinking. But in my 8 years of boy chasing (okay, okay, it's been since like Kindergarten, but OFFICIALLY it's been 8)I've learned a thing or two. I would never call myself a dating guru, or even go so far as to say that I'm done learning.

As much as I dislike Rascal Flatts, they have a point when it comes to learning from your dating life. In the song "Bless The Broken Road" there are a few lyrics that I think apply pretty well to what I've realized when it comes to heartbreak.

"I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true"

I'm starting to realize that all the pain I've felt is preparing me for my future husband. It may be in this life or the next I get him, but order to deal with me, he's got to be a pretty FANTASTIC man. I know that whomever He puts in my path will be what I need. He won't be perfect and neither will I, but together we will work our best at being what the other person needs.

I won't go in to a deep list of things that I myself have learned, but I will share a few humorous/heart-warming things I have learned.

-(for my beloved young friend) When you look back through your life and think of the people you have had feelings for, about 75 percent of them you are going to say to yourself "What the crap was I thinking?" I promise.
-When you are at the point you think you might love someone, wait a week before blurting it out. You can and will be amazed at how quickly things can change in a week.
-Always give everyone you date the benefit of the doubt. I firmly believe in the "At least 2 dates" rule. Unless it's GLARINGLY obvious (public flatulence, proposal on the first date, affinities for fungi, or a deep seated dislike of something you deeply believe in(video games don't count!)) you should at least go on two dates. Everyone does dumb things on their first dates because everyone is always nervous.
-No texting on a first date. It's so rude.
-Kissing on the first date isn't necessarily a no no, but the reasoning why you are kissing on a first date should be deeply thought out. If it's to fulfill a physical need, go inside and kiss the mirror. If it's to connect romantically, then go right ahead.
-Let the guys make the move, they are better wired for it. On the other hand, if it's the third date and he hasn't made any physical contact we might have a shy guy on loose. Go ahead and make the move. Oh and gentleman....MAKE THE MOVE.
-Be wise enough not to be reckless, but brave enough to take great risks. Because really, faint heart never won fair lady.
-You have to love your whole self before you can give away a part of you to someone else.
-Being brave is really scary. Especially when it's your heart that you are putting out there.
-Everyone has been deeply hurt by someone they love. You are not a snowflake in this matter. Cutting yourself off from other people only deepens your hurt. Stop making yourself into a snowflake. It's annoying and a really bad excuse.
-Everyone has a crazy ex, don't hold that against them.
-Being a long term masochist is overrated. No one should ever be 100 percent miserable in a relationship. It's got to hurt a little bit every once in a while because people aren't perfect, but if it hurts all the time. IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

In conclusion, life is nothing without other people. Loving someone else is hard work. But learning what you need to learn from a heartbreak is just as hard.

Thank you I'm done turning myself into a "Chicken Soup for the Soul" book.
Batman out!

Quote of the day: "To love someone else is to see the face of God"-Victor Hugo.


An Idiosyncratic Life said...

Girl, I love you so.

~Emily~ said...

Oh my goodness, I truly LoVe love LOVE this post! You are seriously wise, not to mention have a REALLY good way of putting things. I love it. Couldn't agree more with the whole thing :)

Lisa said...

Brittany, I adore this post! I can't wait to get together and have many girl talks upon my return!