Friday, March 6, 2009

Cliff Jumping

I'm on the brink of something, yet it's something I can't quite touch, can't quite figure out what it is. Do I just jump over the edge into the unknown? No of course not, I can't do that until I feel the warmth of another hand in mine. I can't jump over this cliff until I have someone to do it with me.

I keep thinking about what the next few weeks will bring. My new job, for starters. I'm so looking forward to being a part of this new place, and yet I continually miss the people from the old place. They were my family in so many ways, and I feel as if they all could care less about my life now. I keep trying to figure out how to hold on to the old life while fully embracing this new one with open arms.

And for the first time in a long time, I'm really interested in dating again. I mean I've always been interested in dating but the last year in Brigham has made me somewhat of a cynic. A person who really no longer believed in love. I had started to forget what it felt like to be that way again.

But now, being in a place full of MANY worthy candidates for the part of boyfriend/lover/future husband I find myself more invested in looking presentable and showing a front (and hopefully a back) of an eligible girlfriend/lover/future wife. Once again I'm trying to find the attributes of a person I might want to spend the rest of my life in the men around me be it at school, out and about, and at church.

With all this comes the challenges that once before turned me off to dating as a whole. The insecurity, the impatience, the constant analyzing, the incessant need to look as good as possible in public, and the constant comparing of myself to other girls that in reality are somewhat my competition. I wish I could skip over this whole thing as a whole. I really kind of hate this whole bit.

So we'll see I guess.

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