NYE

"It's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps - our promises made, and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures - or closed ourselves down, for fear of getting hurt. Because that's what New Year's is all about: getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight - and it will drop - let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long." New Years Eve

With breathless laughter two girls stepped out in into the cold December night saying hello to a beautiful new January morning. Their forms silhouetted against a sky full of fireworks. Four feet pounded the payment with shouts and cheers of "Happy New Year" encircling them by the drunks pouring out of the bar across the street. Still laughing they rushed to the car as the sky continued to be filled with fireworks from different parts of the valley they called home.

The drive home was full of boisterous singing to songs from their teenage days and shouts of amazement as the fireworks continued in the sky as they sped down the highway. Declarations of plans for the future shot back and forth like arrows and words of affection for each other were also exchanged and the two girls speeding down the freeway became quiet and thoughtful.

I have a sneaking suspicion that those two girls, showered with optimism that only a new year can bring, will make it the best they have had yet.

For my sake and for theirs I hope that my suspicion is correct.

Happy New Year everybody.

My Journey

This was me more than a year ago within the first week of starting the program I'm currently in. Today as I write this blog I have finished up the last of my finals in my 4th semester of school. This semester is my final semester of class work and I have learned all that my teachers can teach me.

I hardly know the girl in this picture anymore. She's familiar to me in a way that you might feel familiar to someone you went to high school with but barely conversed with. I feel a sort of affection for her naivety and overconfidence. I feel affection towards how little she knew about herself at the time and what she was capable of.

A year ago I was POSITIVE I could take the national exam and ace it because of my 5 solid years as a physical therapy aide.
A year ago I thought I would kick everyone's butts in practicals and that I was the best out of anyone in my program.
A year ago I thought that I would have to teach everyone else all the amazing I knew so that they could try and keep up with me.
And deep down inside..a year ago I thought I would never make it though this program. A year ago, I figured I would do what I always do when faced with school. Try hard the first few weeks, and then drop everything and fail out.

A year later I realize that even with a whole lot of studying and a pinch of luck, I'm might not pass the national exam.
A year later I realize that while I am better than some on my practicals, I will always have more to learn.
A year later I realize that my fellow students have more to teach me than I could ever hope to teach anyone else and at times I wouldn't be me who was waiting for them to keep up but the other way around.
A year later I've realized that if it's something I'm passionate about I can do whatever I put my mind to.

Around this time a year ago I was having my heart broken by someone not even remotely worth my tears. And while it put dating on the back burner for a while (a good thing I assure you, I didn't get a 3.7 for nothing last semester) it was a growing experience I would never want to change or give up for anything.

Earlier this year I also lost my job. A job at the time I would have lived and died for. I loved that job more than anything in the whole world. It was a job full of people I believed to be my friends. The place I felt was my second home stocked full of my second family. When I was unceremoniously kicked out of that job, I thought my whole world had fallen apart. I felt like there was no way to continue in the PT career, but within weeks I saw the gift that was losing my job. I was given the opportunity to explore one of my hobbies more fully, like I said earlier I got a 3.7 GPA, a first for me.

It's been a rough road with a lot of times where I thought I was going to have to hang it up and give up my goal. There were a lot of tears shed, a lot of disasters that I wasn't sure were going come out okay, but in the end, this journey has been something I will never forget and I value immensely.

There are a few people without whom I wouldn't be writing this reflective blog.

Cait: my study buddy, my cheerleader, my partner in crime, and my ride to school.
Ryan: My school older brother who kept me laughing, could always find my trigger points, and came up with good ways to remember things
Dr. N: My school mentor, the teacher who was always on my side, and the nerdy sounding board I needed when I thought I'd rip all my hair out
My Family: for their monetary help, their prayers, their encouragement and their unceasing belief that I can be amazing
Lady Underdown: my mentor and the first person in the biz who told me I could truly become a great clinician, without her pushing me to be better, I wouldn't have lasted in this program.
Rachel: my quizzer and guinea pig even though most of the time she had no idea what I was doing, saying, or trying to remember.

It's been a fantastic 16 months and on to the next 5 and a half!

25 Things I'm Grateful For

Since I'm 25 this year, I'm going to list the top 25 things I'm grateful for this year. Sorry it's a little late.

1. My amazing loving family
2. The best friend a girl could have Miss Rachel
3. My Heavenly Father and the fact that he is constantly on the lookout for my welfare
4. My Savior Jesus Christ and his glorious and unselfish gift of the Atonement
5. The Gospel and everything it does for my life
6. My new apartment, Endor and how fortunate it was that we moved here
7. My Little Evo
8. Vaughn, The Doctor, Elton John, Big Fat Petey, Midori, and Pinky McGee (my electronics that keep me sane)
9. My little TARDIS that has survived another year and thousands of miles.
10. Drs N, F, and R plus Tony who have taught me everything and encourage me daily
11. An amazing mentor who loves me regardless and makes me be better
12. My former clinical instructor Jim and my two future clinical instructors
13. A body that works relatively well
14. Egyptian Cotton sheet
15. The Awesome ward that I'm a part of and all of the fantastic people I'm slowly getting to know
16. The simple fact I have a really bright future and there is a light at the end of the tunnel for school
17. Running water
18. Heating
19. The Freedom my country gives me
20. Boys (yeah I know...strange)
21. Netflix (even though it sucks)
22. Youtube and Skype
23. Jammie Pants
24. Bath products
25. Nail Polish

Transcribed directly from my notebook.

It's a perfect pre-fall end of summer night. I can feel that summer is dying by just the tiny drop in the temperature once the sun goes down but fall isn't quite here yet because the flowers I am surrounded by are still beautiful and fragrant.

I've been troubled as of late so praying to Him I asked for guidance. My car drove itself here. I ask for guidance and I'm drawn to holy land. Like Moses seeing the burning bush, I remove my shoes and start walking through sodden grass up the long lawn to the bench that is my landing space. I look up at the beautiful building with wet eyes in complete and utter awe of the love that He continually gives to me.

Not even a week ago I made an extremely eternal decision. I made an eternal decision that now will require an eternal covenant. This decision has not come with ease. This decision has been surrounded by the unquiet hand of the miserable one. Like unto himself he wants me to be miserable. Now that I have made this decision and have informed others of it and made myself accountable, he has brought every tornado wind and thundercloud possible to tear me away from this decision. He's brought his friends self doubt, fear, and second guessing along to make this decision that much harder.

I've been praying for peace as I continually feel the hand of darkness try to surround me. I've been praying for perspective as this hand tries to make my world a little less bright. I've been praying for a clear path when all the hand does is throw boulders in my way.

But He in his perfect and loving knowledge of who I am and what I need has been so kind and generous with His love and His blessings. He has given me amazing wonderful friends, a loving earth mother who listens and loves me, a Rachel that understands, fantastic examples to make my life seem a little less horrible, and my struggles. This week's struggles have brought me to his feet so many times, I feel that some days I just live there. Luckily He likes having me as a resident and I require no lease or rent.

So back to this beautiful bench. As I sit on said bench in front of me stands all that I could ever need. This stunning edifice answers so many questions. It reminds me to be still and know who He is. It gives me the promise of forever, the peace in knowing that no matter how many times that hand tries to make my world dark, tries to throw stones in my path, tries to remind me of how much of the natural (wo)man is still within me, that there is someone who ALWAYS will be there to bat away the hand as the last lingering hornet before fall finally takes over this year.

So with the cold stone of the bench seeping into my skin and the tingling from my wet toes still fresh; I stand, dry my eyes off, take a picture to remind me of what I have learned here from the eternal edifice that swims in my eyes as the last residual moisture is removed from my eyes. Trekking back to my car again in bare feet through sodden grass, I feel the calm I'd been hoping for.

Little One

Dear Baby Garcia-

I'm your Aunt Brittany or as your big sister and cousins like to call me "Burney" you will probably call me that too once you get big enough to talk. In a few short months you'll make your grand entrance into the world and considering you are part Bailey, it will inevitably be full of some kind of drama be it good or bad.

We just found out recently you are a girl. There is no doubt in my mind you will equal your big sister in beauty, we're hoping you outweigh her pretty quick though. Unless God has a very big sense of humor and if your cousins are any example, we hope that you are a little more mellow that your big sister. She's a sweetheart and I'm betting eventually she's going to fall in love with you as much as all of the rest of us. But since you are the youngest of the grandkid crew I'm gonna give you a little rundown to hopefully give you a step up so you don't get left behind.

First off: your big sister


This is Sydney. We all call her Ned, Sydly, among a million other names (it's a family tradition to have a million nicknames). She's pretty feisty. I'll be honest with you, she's probably not going to be your biggest fan. She eventually will love you a whole lot. She was the same with your cousins.

Which brings us to these two:

These are your cousins Jack and Luke. They are a fun duo, and they are pretty nuts about your big sister so I'm foreseeing that they are going to love you as much. They like to roughhouse, but they are also so much fun.

Plus there is all of us:

Uncle Ron-He's really funny and really awesome. Be sure to learn his name quick because your big sister learned his name last and he complained about it a lot. Plus he is really fun to tickle attack.


Favorite Aunt Brenda-she's going to be your favorite Aunt, and you will like it young lady! Brenda is amazing, she's a fantastic cook and like to tickle and listen to your little stories. She also has the most patience I've ever seen in a human being.



Uncle Jeff-He is going to LOVE teasing you and he's gonna act like you don't have him wrapped around your finger...but it's gonna happen. He'll show you lots of funny videos on his iphone. Uncle Jeff also lives on the train.


Aunt Lindsie-Or as Luke, Jack, and Sydney calls her Aunt Shoppie or Aunt Choppie. She's in the army right now being a hero (like your dad). She's pretty funny and she like to cuddle so she's going to be crazy about you. It's been a while since we've had a little one to cuddle.

We are a loud crazy group and we will probably overwhelm you when you get here but it will be because we are SO excited to see you and get to know you. We're gonna be NUTS about you.

These are obviously your parents who will love you and take care of you. They are great people! Your mommy is going to play you lots of songs and sing you lullabies and dress you up real cute. Your daddy is going to love reading your stories (sometimes with HILARIOUS commentary) plus he will spoil you rotten.


last and certainly not least is Gracky

She's extra cuddly and she really likes rocking in the rocking chair, you are going to LOVE her!

All in all, baby you are going to love being a part of this family. No matter what you do no, matter who you turn out to be, no matter what you look like, no matter what you sound like know this little one...all of us will ALWAYS love you and always be nuts about you!

As for me, I'm gonna be the Aunt that buys you the cool toys, sneaks you candy, paints your toe nails when you only a few months old. I'll be the Aunt that let's you stay up late when you sleep over. I'll be the one who sings you rock songs instead of lullabies.


Love and Kisses
Aunt Burney.

Dear Readers!

Lovers of the Little Brit Different blog! ATTENTION! I'm not leaving this blog in the cold to die, per say. But with the way this semester is going, keeping a commentary on my life is FAR too overwhelming. But....I still need a creative outlet that isn't school related. So I created a new little bloggity over here. There will still be updates on my life and they will be far more regular than over here. They will just be little blurbs and a picture. Please come with me won't you? Tell your friends, tell your family. Spread the word!

GO Here, and Follow!

My Little Pup

Today while the thoughts of February resolutions, talking about this new semester at school, my calling in the ward, the upcoming nuptials of my roommate, and the "back on the horse" date that is happening this weekend are filling my head saying "pick me pick me! write about me". All I can think about is a tribute to a little someone I love.

It was a rough day, between dealing with some school drama that came right out of left field (which includes a complete perception change of one of my teachers) and the massive pile of clean laundry that needs to be folded and sheets that really need a wash, I found time to head down to Brigham City today. My little pup Sparky was being put down today. Now for those of you in the know, I have had Sparky for about 16 years. That's like 65 percent of my life. It's pretty much the longest commitment I've ever held up my end of.

Now Sparky was a pretty great dog. She was always there when I needed a good cuddle, always cute and soft and furry and fun. Even as she got older she still had that puppy twinkle in her eye, just not in her legs, or her back, or anywhere else. She had a sixth sense (like most dogs do) to come to me right when I needed her. If I was crying she's come lay on my bed and listen. If I was sick, she would lay in front of the couch and guard me. She was a really great dog.

It was extremely hard to watch her go today. The cry I cried today was different than any cry I've experienced. It was almost all tears, not a lot of nose blowing, not a lot of sound. The skin under my eyes is rubbed raw. I think that's a soul cry as opposed to a body cry. I mean, I was saying goodbye to one of my oldest and best friends in the whole world.

In a way, I understood how Harry Potter felt when he was burying Doby. I felt like the whole world should be sad that my little one was gone. But no, the world kept turning. The vet clinic we were at kept working I could hear laughter and banter with the girls up at the front desk through the door. It was both off putting and comforting at the same time.

But she was old (longer than most dogs live) and had a lot of dementia. She couldn't understand the right place to go to the bathroom, really wasn't eating or drinking, couldn't navigate doorways, and would just pace the house. It was her time to go and she's right now probably enjoying a good long run on legs that aren't sore and are plenty strong. Plus she's glowing in the adoration and love from the One who made her. There are plenty of people to throw things for her to fetch and plenty of chopped up hot dogs for her to eat (her favorite). I just know she'll be the first to say hello when I come to stay with her.



My little one and I posing for one last picture.

Rambling Nonsense Post

I've been thinking about things like the above quote or this one (my all time favorite!) And I think about the beauty in a reunion.

I'll admit something, I'm a wee bit obsessed with seeing people reunite. I've watched all the videos on youtube showing soldiers reuniting with their families, I've watched countless people say hello and welcome each other as I've waited for my own passengers at the airport. Short of sitting in the airport watching people, I'd say I know a thing or two about reunions.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this post this evening. Maybe it's that I'm looking forward to a day when I can have my own long lost reunion with loved ones. Maybe I'm looking forward to the day that I'm standing in that airport waiting for someone to come home to me. Maybe it's because I've come to the end of missing him. At this point, I couldn't tell you. Maybe I just really like those quotes and there is someone out there who needs to see and hear them. I don't really know.

There is something so beautiful in a reunion though or as in the quote says....the end of missing someone.

Resolutions

Like a lot things in life (such as Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream", snow, The Last Airbender movie, etc) I find that resolutions are good in theory, but not so much in execution. I like the idea of a New Year's resolution, but rarely do the pan out for even the best planners. (Side note: just looked at the clock and it's 11:11 and the date is 1/1/11, AWESOME) I am not one of those people that follows through with goals that aren't ESSENTIAL to my daily living, and let's face it, sometimes even the ones that are essential I don't follow through with.

I was reading someone's blog or something recently and they said something about how you shouldn't have to wait for New Years to change something about yourself. This coincides with one of my new mantra's "You decide every moment of everyday who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second."

This year I decided to follow that lead and make New MONTH resolutions instead of New YEAR resolutions. Each month will have a general theme and then within that theme will be two or three attainable goals specific enough to challenge me, but not so specific that it's unattainable.

January's goal will be working on physical appearance. As opposed to setting a goal about a specific amount of weight I want to lose, my goal is to "move more, eat less". So for now the baseline is to exercise 3 times a week at least a half an hour each time. I also am making a goal to be a little more proactive about my actual appearance: Wearing a little more makeup than mascara, doing my hair, starting a good skin care regimen, being better about my dental hygiene, keeping my nails nice, stuff like that. You know, the girly crap I don't usually do. Now I don't want anyone to think I'm going to be going around obsessing about my appearance. Just taking a little more pride in myself every day, not just the special days.

So that's my plan, we'll revisit these on February 1st and I'm counting on you dear readers, to call me on the carpet for my goals.

QOTD:
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
-Miss Piggy