A Little "Britt" Different

NYE

2011-12-31T23:54:00.000-08:00

"It's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps - our promises made, and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures - or closed ourselves down, for fear of getting hurt. Because that's what New Year's is all about: getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight - and it will drop - let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long." New Years Eve

With breathless laughter two girls stepped out in into the cold December night saying hello to a beautiful new January morning. Their forms silhouetted against a sky full of fireworks. Four feet pounded the payment with shouts and cheers of "Happy New Year" encircling them by the drunks pouring out of the bar across the street. Still laughing they rushed to the car as the sky continued to be filled with fireworks from different parts of the valley they called home.

The drive home was full of boisterous singing to songs from their teenage days and shouts of amazement as the fireworks continued in the sky as they sped down the highway. Declarations of plans for the future shot back and forth like arrows and words of affection for each other were also exchanged and the two girls speeding down the freeway became quiet and thoughtful.

I have a sneaking suspicion that those two girls, showered with optimism that only a new year can bring, will make it the best they have had yet.

For my sake and for theirs I hope that my suspicion is correct.

Happy New Year everybody.

My Journey

2011-12-13T19:46:00.000-08:00

This was me more than a year ago within the first week of starting the program I'm currently in. Today as I write this blog I have finished up the last of my finals in my 4th semester of school. This semester is my final semester of class work and I have learned all that my teachers can teach me.

I hardly know the girl in this picture anymore. She's familiar to me in a way that you might feel familiar to someone you went to high school with but barely conversed with. I feel a sort of affection for her naivety and overconfidence. I feel affection towards how little she knew about herself at the time and what she was capable of.

A year ago I was POSITIVE I could take the national exam and ace it because of my 5 solid years as a physical therapy aide.
A year ago I thought I would kick everyone's butts in practicals and that I was the best out of anyone in my program.
A year ago I thought that I would have to teach everyone else all the amazing I knew so that they could try and keep up with me.
And deep down inside..a year ago I thought I would never make it though this program. A year ago, I figured I would do what I always do when faced with school. Try hard the first few weeks, and then drop everything and fail out.

A year later I realize that even with a whole lot of studying and a pinch of luck, I'm might not pass the national exam.
A year later I realize that while I am better than some on my practicals, I will always have more to learn.
A year later I realize that my fellow students have more to teach me than I could ever hope to teach anyone else and at times I wouldn't be me who was waiting for them to keep up but the other way around.
A year later I've realized that if it's something I'm passionate about I can do whatever I put my mind to.

Around this time a year ago I was having my heart broken by someone not even remotely worth my tears. And while it put dating on the back burner for a while (a good thing I assure you, I didn't get a 3.7 for nothing last semester) it was a growing experience I would never want to change or give up for anything.

Earlier this year I also lost my job. A job at the time I would have lived and died for. I loved that job more than anything in the whole world. It was a job full of people I believed to be my friends. The place I felt was my second home stocked full of my second family. When I was unceremoniously kicked out of that job, I thought my whole world had fallen apart. I felt like there was no way to continue in the PT career, but within weeks I saw the gift that was losing my job. I was given the opportunity to explore one of my hobbies more fully, like I said earlier I got a 3.7 GPA, a first for me.

It's been a rough road with a lot of times where I thought I was going to have to hang it up and give up my goal. There were a lot of tears shed, a lot of disasters that I wasn't sure were going come out okay, but in the end, this journey has been something I will never forget and I value immensely.

There are a few people without whom I wouldn't be writing this reflective blog.

Cait: my study buddy, my cheerleader, my partner in crime, and my ride to school.
Ryan: My school older brother who kept me laughing, could always find my trigger points, and came up with good ways to remember things
Dr. N: My school mentor, the teacher who was always on my side, and the nerdy sounding board I needed when I thought I'd rip all my hair out
My Family: for their monetary help, their prayers, their encouragement and their unceasing belief that I can be amazing
Lady Underdown: my mentor and the first person in the biz who told me I could truly become a great clinician, without her pushing me to be better, I wouldn't have lasted in this program.
Rachel: my quizzer and guinea pig even though most of the time she had no idea what I was doing, saying, or trying to remember.

It's been a fantastic 16 months and on to the next 5 and a half!

25 Things I'm Grateful For

2011-11-27T20:02:00.000-08:00

Since I'm 25 this year, I'm going to list the top 25 things I'm grateful for this year. Sorry it's a little late.

1. My amazing loving family
2. The best friend a girl could have Miss Rachel
3. My Heavenly Father and the fact that he is constantly on the lookout for my welfare
4. My Savior Jesus Christ and his glorious and unselfish gift of the Atonement
5. The Gospel and everything it does for my life
6. My new apartment, Endor and how fortunate it was that we moved here
7. My Little Evo
8. Vaughn, The Doctor, Elton John, Big Fat Petey, Midori, and Pinky McGee (my electronics that keep me sane)
9. My little TARDIS that has survived another year and thousands of miles.
10. Drs N, F, and R plus Tony who have taught me everything and encourage me daily
11. An amazing mentor who loves me regardless and makes me be better
12. My former clinical instructor Jim and my two future clinical instructors
13. A body that works relatively well
14. Egyptian Cotton sheet
15. The Awesome ward that I'm a part of and all of the fantastic people I'm slowly getting to know
16. The simple fact I have a really bright future and there is a light at the end of the tunnel for school
17. Running water
18. Heating
19. The Freedom my country gives me
20. Boys (yeah I know...strange)
21. Netflix (even though it sucks)
22. Youtube and Skype
23. Jammie Pants
24. Bath products
25. Nail Polish

Transcribed directly from my notebook.

2011-09-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

It's a perfect pre-fall end of summer night. I can feel that summer is dying by just the tiny drop in the temperature once the sun goes down but fall isn't quite here yet because the flowers I am surrounded by are still beautiful and fragrant.

I've been troubled as of late so praying to Him I asked for guidance. My car drove itself here. I ask for guidance and I'm drawn to holy land. Like Moses seeing the burning bush, I remove my shoes and start walking through sodden grass up the long lawn to the bench that is my landing space. I look up at the beautiful building with wet eyes in complete and utter awe of the love that He continually gives to me.

Not even a week ago I made an extremely eternal decision. I made an eternal decision that now will require an eternal covenant. This decision has not come with ease. This decision has been surrounded by the unquiet hand of the miserable one. Like unto himself he wants me to be miserable. Now that I have made this decision and have informed others of it and made myself accountable, he has brought every tornado wind and thundercloud possible to tear me away from this decision. He's brought his friends self doubt, fear, and second guessing along to make this decision that much harder.

I've been praying for peace as I continually feel the hand of darkness try to surround me. I've been praying for perspective as this hand tries to make my world a little less bright. I've been praying for a clear path when all the hand does is throw boulders in my way.

But He in his perfect and loving knowledge of who I am and what I need has been so kind and generous with His love and His blessings. He has given me amazing wonderful friends, a loving earth mother who listens and loves me, a Rachel that understands, fantastic examples to make my life seem a little less horrible, and my struggles. This week's struggles have brought me to his feet so many times, I feel that some days I just live there. Luckily He likes having me as a resident and I require no lease or rent.

So back to this beautiful bench. As I sit on said bench in front of me stands all that I could ever need. This stunning edifice answers so many questions. It reminds me to be still and know who He is. It gives me the promise of forever, the peace in knowing that no matter how many times that hand tries to make my world dark, tries to throw stones in my path, tries to remind me of how much of the natural (wo)man is still within me, that there is someone who ALWAYS will be there to bat away the hand as the last lingering hornet before fall finally takes over this year.

So with the cold stone of the bench seeping into my skin and the tingling from my wet toes still fresh; I stand, dry my eyes off, take a picture to remind me of what I have learned here from the eternal edifice that swims in my eyes as the last residual moisture is removed from my eyes. Trekking back to my car again in bare feet through sodden grass, I feel the calm I'd been hoping for.

Little One

2011-06-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Baby Garcia-

I'm your Aunt Brittany or as your big sister and cousins like to call me "Burney" you will probably call me that too once you get big enough to talk. In a few short months you'll make your grand entrance into the world and considering you are part Bailey, it will inevitably be full of some kind of drama be it good or bad.

We just found out recently you are a girl. There is no doubt in my mind you will equal your big sister in beauty, we're hoping you outweigh her pretty quick though. Unless God has a very big sense of humor and if your cousins are any example, we hope that you are a little more mellow that your big sister. She's a sweetheart and I'm betting eventually she's going to fall in love with you as much as all of the rest of us. But since you are the youngest of the grandkid crew I'm gonna give you a little rundown to hopefully give you a step up so you don't get left behind.

First off: your big sister

This is Sydney. We all call her Ned, Sydly, among a million other names (it's a family tradition to have a million nicknames). She's pretty feisty. I'll be honest with you, she's probably not going to be your biggest fan. She eventually will love you a whole lot. She was the same with your cousins.

Which brings us to these two:

These are your cousins Jack and Luke. They are a fun duo, and they are pretty nuts about your big sister so I'm foreseeing that they are going to love you as much. They like to roughhouse, but they are also so much fun.

Plus there is all of us:

Uncle Ron-He's really funny and really awesome. Be sure to learn his name quick because your big sister learned his name last and he complained about it a lot. Plus he is really fun to tickle attack.

Favorite Aunt Brenda-she's going to be your favorite Aunt, and you will like it young lady! Brenda is amazing, she's a fantastic cook and like to tickle and listen to your little stories. She also has the most patience I've ever seen in a human being.

Uncle Jeff-He is going to LOVE teasing you and he's gonna act like you don't have him wrapped around your finger...but it's gonna happen. He'll show you lots of funny videos on his iphone. Uncle Jeff also lives on the train.

Aunt Lindsie-Or as Luke, Jack, and Sydney calls her Aunt Shoppie or Aunt Choppie. She's in the army right now being a hero (like your dad). She's pretty funny and she like to cuddle so she's going to be crazy about you. It's been a while since we've had a little one to cuddle.

We are a loud crazy group and we will probably overwhelm you when you get here but it will be because we are SO excited to see you and get to know you. We're gonna be NUTS about you.

These are obviously your parents who will love you and take care of you. They are great people! Your mommy is going to play you lots of songs and sing you lullabies and dress you up real cute. Your daddy is going to love reading your stories (sometimes with HILARIOUS commentary) plus he will spoil you rotten.

last and certainly not least is Gracky

She's extra cuddly and she really likes rocking in the rocking chair, you are going to LOVE her!

All in all, baby you are going to love being a part of this family. No matter what you do no, matter who you turn out to be, no matter what you look like, no matter what you sound like know this little one...all of us will ALWAYS love you and always be nuts about you!

As for me, I'm gonna be the Aunt that buys you the cool toys, sneaks you candy, paints your toe nails when you only a few months old. I'll be the Aunt that let's you stay up late when you sleep over. I'll be the one who sings you rock songs instead of lullabies.

Love and Kisses
Aunt Burney.

Dear Readers!

2011-02-23T19:40:00.000-08:00

Lovers of the Little Brit Different blog! ATTENTION! I'm not leaving this blog in the cold to die, per say. But with the way this semester is going, keeping a commentary on my life is FAR too overwhelming. But....I still need a creative outlet that isn't school related. So I created a new little bloggity over here. There will still be updates on my life and they will be far more regular than over here. They will just be little blurbs and a picture. Please come with me won't you? Tell your friends, tell your family. Spread the word!

GO Here, and Follow!

My Little Pup

2011-02-02T18:23:00.000-08:00

Today while the thoughts of February resolutions, talking about this new semester at school, my calling in the ward, the upcoming nuptials of my roommate, and the "back on the horse" date that is happening this weekend are filling my head saying "pick me pick me! write about me". All I can think about is a tribute to a little someone I love.

It was a rough day, between dealing with some school drama that came right out of left field (which includes a complete perception change of one of my teachers) and the massive pile of clean laundry that needs to be folded and sheets that really need a wash, I found time to head down to Brigham City today. My little pup Sparky was being put down today. Now for those of you in the know, I have had Sparky for about 16 years. That's like 65 percent of my life. It's pretty much the longest commitment I've ever held up my end of.

Now Sparky was a pretty great dog. She was always there when I needed a good cuddle, always cute and soft and furry and fun. Even as she got older she still had that puppy twinkle in her eye, just not in her legs, or her back, or anywhere else. She had a sixth sense (like most dogs do) to come to me right when I needed her. If I was crying she's come lay on my bed and listen. If I was sick, she would lay in front of the couch and guard me. She was a really great dog.

It was extremely hard to watch her go today. The cry I cried today was different than any cry I've experienced. It was almost all tears, not a lot of nose blowing, not a lot of sound. The skin under my eyes is rubbed raw. I think that's a soul cry as opposed to a body cry. I mean, I was saying goodbye to one of my oldest and best friends in the whole world.

In a way, I understood how Harry Potter felt when he was burying Doby. I felt like the whole world should be sad that my little one was gone. But no, the world kept turning. The vet clinic we were at kept working I could hear laughter and banter with the girls up at the front desk through the door. It was both off putting and comforting at the same time.

But she was old (longer than most dogs live) and had a lot of dementia. She couldn't understand the right place to go to the bathroom, really wasn't eating or drinking, couldn't navigate doorways, and would just pace the house. It was her time to go and she's right now probably enjoying a good long run on legs that aren't sore and are plenty strong. Plus she's glowing in the adoration and love from the One who made her. There are plenty of people to throw things for her to fetch and plenty of chopped up hot dogs for her to eat (her favorite). I just know she'll be the first to say hello when I come to stay with her.

My little one and I posing for one last picture.

Rambling Nonsense Post

2011-01-05T22:30:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about things like the above quote or this one (my all time favorite!) And I think about the beauty in a reunion.

I'll admit something, I'm a wee bit obsessed with seeing people reunite. I've watched all the videos on youtube showing soldiers reuniting with their families, I've watched countless people say hello and welcome each other as I've waited for my own passengers at the airport. Short of sitting in the airport watching people, I'd say I know a thing or two about reunions.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this post this evening. Maybe it's that I'm looking forward to a day when I can have my own long lost reunion with loved ones. Maybe I'm looking forward to the day that I'm standing in that airport waiting for someone to come home to me. Maybe it's because I've come to the end of missing him. At this point, I couldn't tell you. Maybe I just really like those quotes and there is someone out there who needs to see and hear them. I don't really know.

There is something so beautiful in a reunion though or as in the quote says....the end of missing someone.

Resolutions

2011-01-01T22:02:00.000-08:00

Like a lot things in life (such as Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream", snow, The Last Airbender movie, etc) I find that resolutions are good in theory, but not so much in execution. I like the idea of a New Year's resolution, but rarely do the pan out for even the best planners. (Side note: just looked at the clock and it's 11:11 and the date is 1/1/11, AWESOME) I am not one of those people that follows through with goals that aren't ESSENTIAL to my daily living, and let's face it, sometimes even the ones that are essential I don't follow through with.

I was reading someone's blog or something recently and they said something about how you shouldn't have to wait for New Years to change something about yourself. This coincides with one of my new mantra's "You decide every moment of everyday who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second."

This year I decided to follow that lead and make New MONTH resolutions instead of New YEAR resolutions. Each month will have a general theme and then within that theme will be two or three attainable goals specific enough to challenge me, but not so specific that it's unattainable.

January's goal will be working on physical appearance. As opposed to setting a goal about a specific amount of weight I want to lose, my goal is to "move more, eat less". So for now the baseline is to exercise 3 times a week at least a half an hour each time. I also am making a goal to be a little more proactive about my actual appearance: Wearing a little more makeup than mascara, doing my hair, starting a good skin care regimen, being better about my dental hygiene, keeping my nails nice, stuff like that. You know, the girly crap I don't usually do. Now I don't want anyone to think I'm going to be going around obsessing about my appearance. Just taking a little more pride in myself every day, not just the special days.

So that's my plan, we'll revisit these on February 1st and I'm counting on you dear readers, to call me on the carpet for my goals.

QOTD:
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
-Miss Piggy

Get some popcorn folks, it's gonna be a long one.

2010-12-29T13:15:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty much opposed to starting blogs with apologies about how long it's been since I've posted and listing reasons why I haven't blogged in a while. So I'm not going to do that. I'll just catch you up on my life and you can guess which parts prevented me from blogging.

I finished my first semester of my program (1 down 4 to go!). I've never felt so excited to learn and so MOTIVATED to learn in my entire life. I guess that's what interesting well taught content can do for you right? I passed all my classes with A's (except math...stupid b+!) and even did pretty good on my finals. But I gotta say, they took up a LARGE amount of my time the last week of November and the first two weeks of December. I barely had time to shower. I actually didn't buy groceries the last month of school, so you can see why I didn't have time to blog.

In other news, I just realized I haven't properly celebrated the fact that I will never have to take Math EVER AGAIN! So please oblige me a second or two....YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Anyway, we also had Christmas come upon us and I was at my mom's house for a good 4 days. I couldn't drag myself away from the festivities long enough to blog about anything. But I got some cool stuff for Christmas. My mom got me a really nice point and shoot camera, which I asked for because as much as I love Reid, he's kind of bulky and if I want to take a small purse somewhere (or no purse at all) I can't just put him in a tiny purse or shove him in my pocket. I also got a oil change and a tire rotation from my dad, not exactly the stuff of Christmas, but I really needed it. A TARDIS cookie jar from my brother, a nifty skirt from my sister, a Polaroid camera from a close family friend, a cute thermal top from Lisa, and a pair of ADORABLE gloves and a Justin Bieber calendar from Rachel. I also got some fun trinkets and knicknacks from my grandma tuff and some dinero from my grandparents. All in all it was a really great holiday spent with people I love.

Between finals and Christmas I also suffered some pretty bad heartache. I think I put off writing about it so long because I was worried I'd write unkind and untrue things in my post breakup haze. I bear no ill will, the reasons (which I won't discuss here) that ended our relationship were pretty legit reasons and now looking back I can see that it could have been much worse. There were pitfalls that would inevitably be down the road that one NEVER see coming in a happy glow of being in love. Those pitfalls probably would have destroyed any respect or civility we would have had for each other and that would make for a very difficult time at school, for the both of us.

It was hard to know where to go from there with so many plans and so many hopes being crushed, but now, in the aftermath my heart still aches, but most of the major cracks, bumps and bruises have been sealed up or healed. I no longer spontaneously tear up when I see things that remind me of what I had, I'm finding the magic that can come from changing plans. I've found a quote that I love "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us"-Joseph Campbell. It's kind of become my mantra.

Finding a new path on your own is such a painful yet beautiful experience. Frankly, it's an experience that I wouldn't miss for the world. So on to bigger and better things. I'm looking forward to learning more in 2011, looking forward to meeting new people and getting new opportunities everyday.

So I'll leave you with this
QOTD:

Big Thanksgiving Post (for actual Thanksgiving!)

2010-11-23T23:39:00.000-08:00

WITH PICTURES!

My family. Without them...I would seriously be alone. I'd probably be sane...But I'd be alone!

Sadly Jeff didn't make it into this picture.

Rachel and Lisa-I know I gush about them all the time, but they are really the best friends a girl could ask for. It's so interesting to hear other people talk about their roommates. I actually find myself saying "I forget you don't have roommates like I do.

School School School. Never thought that this would EVER end up on my thankful list, but it is this year. I'm fortunate to be going to school with a GREAT group of people and be taught by some AMAZING teachers.

Not really my school people but it's still a cool picture

These three!

My little TARDIS that gets me from point a to point b and never complains!

Again, not a picture of my girl, but pretty dang close. All this one needs is a big dent!

and lastly...him

He's quickly becoming my best friend, my confidant, and everything a boyfriend should be. He's awesome.

Oh Hey...It's sunday Again

2010-11-21T21:49:00.000-08:00

Sorry the posts have been pretty lame the last few weeks. Between juggling a job, full time school, and a boyfriend there isn't much else that can occupy my mind. But here are the things I was thankful for from Wednesday on.

Wednesday
Getting The Hunger Games from Wayne
Thursday
Seeing my mommy and sleeping in an uber soft hotel bed
Friday
Harry Potter with my Handsome boy (an amazing movie!), and some great friends! Plus I found my AMAZING dress for the Melanie's Wedding! And seeing Cat's exhibit!
Saturday
Double feature night at the Cemetery: Mortal Combat and Street Fighter. Plus the first REAL snow fall in the valley.
Sunday
Coming home smelling like Paul and good windshield wipers and tires

2010-11-09T21:29:00.000-08:00

Remember when I said that I would be blogging my thankful things on Sundays? Yeah....I didn't. Two days late is better than never!
Sunday
Early morning movie watching with my roommates, plus snuggling, and first kisses.
Monday
Toy Story 3 and stolen boyfriend sweatshirts.
Tuesday
Cafe Rio Tuesdays, Long goodnight conversations, Acing my Med Term test, and Fire truck wakeup calls
Wednesday
Being honest
Thursday
The promise of a Christmas Present!
Friday
Being told that I will someday be Cat Palmer's protege by Cat herself. I love that woman!
Saturday
Calling dibs on a BEAUTIFUL piece of art before anyone else has even seen the exhibit!
Sunday
Homemade Pot pies and Doctor Who
Monday
Conversations about the future over veggie burritos and shopping trips with my Handsome Boy.
Tuesday
The realization that I'm done studying Neuro for the rest of the semester!

7 days of Thankful

2010-11-07T21:03:00.000-08:00

Each Sunday in November (and maybe longer) I'm going to post the 7 things I'm grateful for!

Sunday
Spending time with my great family
Monday
People who donate their bodies to make it so other people can make something of themselves in the Medical Field
Tuesday
Chicken Noodle soup, a comfy bed, and Sudafed
Wednesday
Taking time to be silent and try and see a bigger picture
Thursday
Understanding teachers who listen to what I have to say and plans for the Christmas season, plus an amazing bishop with an amazing house.
Friday
Payday and coworkers who challenge and teach me. Plus black hair dye that makes me look like Snow White.
Saturday
Beating the traffic from the U football game, my cozy USC sweatshirt to keep away the cold

Isn't life funny?

2010-11-03T23:07:00.000-07:00

I was glancing over my blog and I read back through my post on what past relationships can teach you. It's amazing that I was talking about the Lord preparing me for someone because all of the sudden, someone has come into my life. I've never really understood the quote "We make plans and God laughs". That was until I had Paul fall into my life. Okay fall isn't really the word I'm looking for because I knew and hung out with Paul a full month before we started dating. But let me back up and explain why Paul coming into my life was such a surprise.

When I started school this September I had made a two part pact with myself:
1) No Boys till graduation
2) Suppressing my need to make a million friends at school.

I wanted to REALLY focus on school and get good grades. I needed to be successful in school (and I promise at some point I will talk about how amazing school is!) But I felt like I needed to make a change in my constant need for a social life. Granted I ended up making some really good friends for a study group, but luckily they are good friends who encourage me to work hard and keep my grades up

What I wasn't expecting was Paul. It started out so simple, just study friends. Then my roommates and I planned a triple date to a haunted house, and since I really didn't have very many great single guys in my life I figured "What the heck? Paul is a cool kid and we'll have a great time." I had no idea what I was in for.

Paul and I have been dating for a month and I already feel so....different. I mentioned in my post how I've been in love twice and really, just being with Paul makes those two "loves" completley null and void. I mean don't misunderstand me here, I'm not saying Paul is the one, or that I'm in love with him. We're just taking it a day at a time, but what we have already been in this a month is so much...more than I ever thought possible. Love songs on the radio sound different to me. Chick flicks have a whole different meaning. I can't even think of a way to put it. Our relationship is uncomplicated, it's fun, it's romantic, it's sweet. It's everything any girl really wants in a relationship.

I look back at the past relationships I've experienced and they were all full of doubt and frustration and confusion and there is NONE of that when it comes to Paul and I. I can mention things about having an upset stomach and the need to fart and he just laughs and tells me a story about how his mom once ate fat free pringles and farted up a storm. He wants to meet my family, he wants me to meet his family. He says goodnight to me every night. He just lets me be me. I don't think I've ever been so free in a relationship before. He and I disagree on A LOT of things but it never bugs us because we just realize that we compliment each other.

He doesn't mind I ADORE bacon (he's a vegetarian) or that I love weird decorations and hate decorating the Christmas tree. I don't mind that he's a better cook than I am and enjoys reading far more than conversation sometimes. It just...works.

I'm happy and I'm reminded of a post my dear, dear Mandi made once on her blog. It shall be the QOTD. She wrote it about me and it something I fondly remember nearly every day. I'm paraphrasing, I can't remember it all and she's deleted the post from her blog.
"I don't know who he is, but I promise he will be amazing. I don't know what the future holds for you, but knowing you....it will be an adventure."

Troubled Heart

2010-10-06T22:23:00.000-07:00

I have found myself very troubled lately. It's actually something that has been plaguing me for quite some time. For the most part, I've kept it on the down low for the sake of not starting any arguments with anyone (I am a pacifist after all). But I feel now, after all this time, I should say something.

I support Gay Marriage.

I know that in being a member of the LDS church, this contradicts the church. But I just can't seem to see how alienating a population of the world is Christlike. I firmly believe in the principles and beliefs of the church, and I apply as much obedience to the commandments as I can (I'm not perfect, and guess what reader? neither are you). But I can't and refuse to agree with the church on this.

This is going to anger some of you readers probably, but I don't believe being gay is a choice. I believe you are what you are, and that's the way God made you. I know, I know in the bible it says homosexuality is a sin. I know! But sometimes, things don't make sense and everything is a fiber on the greater fabric that is believing in God. I think that there are some things in this world that I will never understand and the whole choosing/not choosing to be gay is one of them.

I understand that in saying that, some of you will think I'm rationalizing something away, but it's how I feel and trying to fight me on how I feel will get you nowhere. This isn't a post where I'm looking to fight with anyone or even engage in a debate. This is a post for me to say what I feel.

The way I've lived my life since I started making decisions for my own life and my own beliefs has always been and will always be to treat everyone in a Christlike manner. Don't get me wrong, I don't ALWAYS adhere to that, there are times I'm a great big jerk, in fact in one particular instance I'm ALWAYS a jerk. I'm really mean about a crazy girl in my school program, and I know I should work on it. But I feel that overall, I try to look at everyone with Christlike eyes.

I try to see everyone for the person that God created them as and find a reason why they are in my life. I love everyone for who they are and what they do for me and how they affect me, not because of their life choices. Just because I don't agree with their life choices doesn't mean that I have the right to be mean/cruel/unfair/rude/disrespectful to them. I don't have the right to make any sort of comment or judgment on their lives just as I would hope that they won't make judgments or comments on my life. Understand this though, I'm not an idle sitter by-er (oh hello Grammar, I forgot you existed!) If someone is downing something I believe in, you better believe I put them in their place.

In a perfect world, people would look at everyone the way Christ looks at the whole world and recognize we are all people and we are all children of God and we are all connected. My only consolation is that the people who treat others UnChristlike will get their retribution. God will punish those who didn't treat others with a Christlike love and hurt and were cruel to those they refused to love.

The way I see it, everyone has their demons. Everyone has something in their life that they are ashamed of. So if you are one of those people who don't have anything to be ashamed of or any demons, well then pick up your stone and you can throw it at me for supporting the gays. I'll stand firm where I am.
Batman Out.

QOTD "I know who is in charge up there, I don't know what is going to happen, but I'm pretty sure EVERYONE will be surprised." -Robert Kirby.

You are Not a Snowflake.

2010-10-02T23:16:00.000-07:00

I realize that I talk a lot about the frustrations of my dating life here, but I never talk about what I learn from them. I'm a firm believer that everything is a lesson in one way or another and I realize now that in the past 6 months, I haven't been looking for what I've been learning.

Let me backtrack just a little bit, I've gotten back in to meditation since we tried it in my Psych class a few weeks ago. Generally my past meditations have been a solo journey, but Monica (my teacher) took us all in a whole different direction where we ended up surrounded by whatever people our subconscious decided to put in our path. I won't go into details (they are FAR too personal and would take too long to explain) but through my sessions of meditation, I've found the people that are appearing to me keep telling me the same thing. What have you learned.

After speaking with a beloved young friend who is fresh off his first college heartbreak I gave him the advice to think of every relationship as a lesson. What has that heartbreak taught you. What did that girl/boy teach you about what you want? What have you learned about yourself. So much can be learned from a broken heart.

I've had my fair share of heartbreak since I jumped into the dating scene 8 years ago at the tender age of 16. I've spent many a night crying myself to sleep. Many night pleading with the Lord to send me a "good one". There have also been nights where I've told the Lord I wasn't talking to him because once again he put someone in my life that hurt me. Luckily the Lord loves me and understands why I was mad.

I've been in love exactly 2 times. Both times were extremely painful when they ended and I thought my whole world was over. But I got up the next day and had to keep living. I've had many times since where I thought I was in love when really it was just desperation, lust, or wishful thinking. But in my 8 years of boy chasing (okay, okay, it's been since like Kindergarten, but OFFICIALLY it's been 8)I've learned a thing or two. I would never call myself a dating guru, or even go so far as to say that I'm done learning.

As much as I dislike Rascal Flatts, they have a point when it comes to learning from your dating life. In the song "Bless The Broken Road" there are a few lyrics that I think apply pretty well to what I've realized when it comes to heartbreak.

"I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true"

I'm starting to realize that all the pain I've felt is preparing me for my future husband. It may be in this life or the next I get him, but frankly...in order to deal with me, he's got to be a pretty FANTASTIC man. I know that whomever He puts in my path will be what I need. He won't be perfect and neither will I, but together we will work our best at being what the other person needs.

I won't go in to a deep list of things that I myself have learned, but I will share a few humorous/heart-warming things I have learned.

-(for my beloved young friend) When you look back through your life and think of the people you have had feelings for, about 75 percent of them you are going to say to yourself "What the crap was I thinking?" I promise.
-When you are at the point you think you might love someone, wait a week before blurting it out. You can and will be amazed at how quickly things can change in a week.
-Always give everyone you date the benefit of the doubt. I firmly believe in the "At least 2 dates" rule. Unless it's GLARINGLY obvious (public flatulence, proposal on the first date, affinities for fungi, or a deep seated dislike of something you deeply believe in(video games don't count!)) you should at least go on two dates. Everyone does dumb things on their first dates because everyone is always nervous.
-No texting on a first date. It's so rude.
-Kissing on the first date isn't necessarily a no no, but the reasoning why you are kissing on a first date should be deeply thought out. If it's to fulfill a physical need, go inside and kiss the mirror. If it's to connect romantically, then go right ahead.
-Let the guys make the move, they are better wired for it. On the other hand, if it's the third date and he hasn't made any physical contact we might have a shy guy on loose. Go ahead and make the move. Oh and gentleman....MAKE THE MOVE.
-Be wise enough not to be reckless, but brave enough to take great risks. Because really, faint heart never won fair lady.
-You have to love your whole self before you can give away a part of you to someone else.
-Being brave is really scary. Especially when it's your heart that you are putting out there.
-Everyone has been deeply hurt by someone they love. You are not a snowflake in this matter. Cutting yourself off from other people only deepens your hurt. Stop making yourself into a snowflake. It's annoying and a really bad excuse.
-Everyone has a crazy ex, don't hold that against them.
-Being a long term masochist is overrated. No one should ever be 100 percent miserable in a relationship. It's got to hurt a little bit every once in a while because people aren't perfect, but if it hurts all the time. IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

In conclusion, life is nothing without other people. Loving someone else is hard work. But learning what you need to learn from a heartbreak is just as hard.

Thank you I'm done turning myself into a "Chicken Soup for the Soul" book.
Batman out!

Quote of the day: "To love someone else is to see the face of God"-Victor Hugo.

The Lisa and Rachel Show

2010-09-01T20:06:00.000-07:00

Today I'm going to switch gears from talking about me constantly and MY problems and MY problems with other people to talking about two people in my life who are AWESOME. Yes fine readers, you finally get to meet Rachel and Lisa my roommates!

This is Rachel, she's a spy.

Stats
Age:23
Marital Status: Single, and ready to mingle
Sign: Pisces
Ethnicity: Albino
Likes: Violence, Mismatching her clothes, Tabbi (her turtle) movies with sad endings, Television shows on USA, Matt Smith's doctor, indie music, ice cream, Cafe Rio, boys with dark hair and dark eyes, shoes, and sleepy time.
Personality Type: INFP
Dislikes: Cooking, getting up early, romantic comedies, Barack Obama, Kirsten Dunst, talking to people on the phone, school, country music, healthy food,
Nicknames: Rachedoo, Miss Bagel, Rach, Remy, Rowan, Satan Spawn

Rach and I have been roommates for a year now. She's amazing. Don't get me wrong, she's not perfect, but who is. She's funny and we have 15000 inside joke (you think I'm kidding but we really do) We have a habit of taking funny situations and remembering them later and turning them into stupid jokes. She's extremely patient with my mood swings and my flightiness. We also make a lot of inappropriate sex jokes including how if we ever met some of the celebrities we love we'd just immediatly start taking off our clothes. For the most part with the two of us...the fun never stops.

This is Lisa, she's her own Anime show.

Stats
Age:23
Marital Status: Pretty much engaged, sorry boys.
Sign: Virgo
Ethnicity: 1/2 Japanese 1/2 American
Likes: Old timey stuff, vintage looking clothing, cameos, EXTREME tea parties, BBC Miniseries, Jane Austen, Cooking, Organizing, party planning, books, ikea, target, Disney movies, and Totoro (among other cool Japanese cartoons)
Personality Type: ESFJ
Dislikes: School, diving underwater, ear piercing, money, confrontation, and paperwork
Nicknames: Parks, Risa-Chan, Lisa-Chan, Silly/Pretty Girl, Armitstead

Lisa has only been my roommate since about April where we shared a TERRIBLE house with Rachel and one other roommate (long, long, LONG story). When we moved out of that place, she and I shared a room/closet/bathroom. We experienced each others nighttime idiosyncrasies (she talks in her sleep, I snore). We also share of love of old stuff and romantic cheesy comedies.

They are both my best friends for completely different reasons and in different ways, but I love them. Not to mention they should both get medals of honor for dealing with this gal:

This is the three of us at Lisa's recent Nerd themed party (notice we're all wearing red shoes!)

Quote of the Day:
"When God closes a door, somewhere he always opens a window" Julie Andrews as Maria "Sound of Music"

Small Rant List

2010-08-30T16:48:00.000-07:00

I've got a few thing I need to rant about.

-Okay, I'm sorry if you are a mom going back to school but like 85 percent of you 40 somethings are SO ANNOYING. Seriously. I'm glad you are going back to school and making something of your life, but CALM THE EFF DOWN. If you miss something important a teacher says, don't put the e brake on the class and demand the teacher repeat it. Stop telling us all how long it's been since you've been in school, WE KNOW okay?

-I am a huge proponent of wearing PJ's as much as possible, but wearing them in public is getting old. You look like trailer trash. I will allow it if it's before 6 in the morning and you brought clothes with you to change. But staying in them until noon while you are at school looks SO TACKY. It's not that hard to throw on some jeans and a t-shirt no matter how early it is. You don't have to look amazingly poised and beautiful or anything, but especially at a school like mine (where you are getting intense career training, basically like you are working at the school) you should wear normal clothes. I don't even care if you wear track pants and a t-shirt but when your clothes are obviously made for sleeping in make you look like an idiot.

-People who don't understand that you are making a joke, especially if it's HILARIOUS and they get offended.

-Crazy students (see also moms at school). Case in point: Today I had both anatomy lecture and lab one right after the other. We covered essentially EXACTLY THE SAME THINGS in both classes like....literally the same thing. I mean our professor kept saying "This is exactly what you just learned in lecture" and there was this girl going ape crazy with her highlighters and pencils constantly changing colors and flamboyantly writing notes. She was writing and highlighting almost down to the sentence the same things she had looked at an hour before. It was extremely distracting for the rest of us trying to listen to our professor speak.

-Math teachers who write illegibly. The numbers in the equations look GREAT, and the you write a word and suddenly you look like a serial killer. If you are teaching you should have nice handwriting. No exceptions.

Thank you. End of Rant session.
Go Team!

I'm sorry

2010-08-27T21:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers-
I'm sorry I've been so absent from my blog. If you look at my posting dashboard, you'll see I've tried to start about 10 blogs and each one has a line or two and then I just couldn't find the pull to finish it. Yeah, I'm lazy. I've also been dealing with some down in the dumps lately. It's about 50 percent boy related, 25 percent school anxiety, and 25 percent hormones.

Anyway, I'm once again finding myself lacking creativity for creating anything tonight. I did play my guitar for about an hour today! But when it comes to writing it comes and goes with the wind. Instead of my words I'm going to reprint a song from Brand New Eyes by Paramore. I bought it about 3 days ago and I seriously can't stop listening to the music.

I find it such a magical moment when you hear a song for the first time and it explains EXACTLY how you are feeling at that exact second. That's what happened with me an "All I Wanted". Yes this is directed at a specific boy. I might wax annoyed about him in the future. Here it be. At the bottom of the lyrics I also am putting a video with the actual song so you can get both a visual and an auditory feel for it.

Think of me when you're out, when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
When the world treats you way too fairly
It's a shame i'm a dream

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I think I'll pace my apartment a few times
And fall asleep on the couch
And wake up early to black and white re-runs?
That escaped from the mouth

Oh-Oh

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I could follow you to the beginning
And just relive the start
And maybe then we'll remember to slow down
To all of our favorite parts

All I wanted was you

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

Missing Missing

2010-08-11T23:32:00.000-07:00

I feel like the energy spent in missing something doesn't really ever hit you until you bring it back into your life. Even if it's only for a minute, or a night. It's a painful hit into your stomach when you realize how much you missed that person place or thing.

Tonight I experienced that. It burns it's so painful to miss what I had tonight...As much as I'm loving life in Sandy, I miss my more sociable life in West Valley. I was well established in my church there with friends who were game to do anything and everything. I have no friends here in Sandy except for my roommates. I had a creative outlet there, and there isn't much time for me to have any kind of creative outlet. I work so much more than back when I lived in West Valley. I had adventures, I had a life back there.

Tonight I ventured to the Empress to go to workshop with my beloved Jesters. I was sadly disappointed because the once strong Jesters are no more. The Empress looks different (I'm actually not a huge fan of the new paint job) I guess what I'm saying that I don't like change when it's blatantly made itself known in front of me. Even driving down 3500 south made me tear up a little. I drove down that road more times than I care to count, whether it be to the Empress, to Ashley's, the mall, etc.

I'm aware that in little less than two weeks, I won't even have time to blink, much less have a social life, but I miss that facet of my life. I miss meeting people, learning their stories, and finding things I have in common with them. I miss having people.

Anyway, I'm in a grumpy sad mood and I'm listening to sad music so yeah.

Look forward to a Star Wars post coming soon!

Quote of the Day:
I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

Wizard Rock!

2010-07-31T19:51:00.000-07:00

Lauren and Matt of Armored Bearcub

Kristina and Luke of ALL CAPS

So this summer I had the opportunity to see my first wizard rock show! I was actually able to see not one, but TWO shows. First up was seeing the tour called ROFLCOPTOUR which featured such bands a The Moaning Myrtles, The Whomping Willows, The Parselmouths, Armored Bearcub, and ALL CAPS.

I guess before I start telling you about the concerts, I should tell you what wizard rock is. It's music that is based on the book Harry Potter. The thing about wizard rock isn't so much about the actual music, it's more about the community. It's this group of loving, supportive, and amazing people who all share a love of a young wizard who saved the world. It spans the entire globe and all 50 states. It's brought forth an amazing charity organization called The Harry Potter Alliance who through this mutual love has helped bring awareness of the genocide in Darfur, brought books to citys and towns that have lost their libraries, and sent FIVE planes full of supplies to Haiti after the earthquake.

It's this great movement to making the world better by being kind, nice, and showing love. After all it was Dumbledore who said "The weapon we have is love". It's something that the whole of the wizard rock movement has adapted to their lives and it's something I truly believe in too.

Anyway, the first concert I went to was in Cody, WY. A VERY long drive away from where I live. My roommate Lisa and I drove 8 long hours to get to a show that was AMAZING. I met people who's music I've been following for about 3 years now.

It was an eventful trip. Driving home Lisa and I got hit by a deer (this is Wyoming after all) and had to stay in a sort of gross hotel in Riverton, WY. Yeah, it happened and it was crazy. It was amazing to meet Kristina and Lauren.

My second show was -Luckily- this time in Salt Lake City and it the headliner was the first Wizard Rock band I ever heard The Remus Lupins. It was an amazing show. This tour was called The Next Great Adventour. The bands playing at this one were The Remus Lupins, Skyway Flyer, and Gred and Forge. I had never heard anything by Gred and Forge previously but I LOVE them, well actually Jarrod. He's the only actual member of the band. The most amazing thing though was Alex knew who I was. I was touched that he would remember me in the sea of people who follow him and that he's undoubtedly met. I think when I mentioned that I used to sign all of the post I would put on his myspace as "Your biggest fan in Utah" helped, but it was still sweet he remembered me.

All in all it was so much fun to get to see them play live. I don't know when I'll have time again to see them. But I was glad it happened. Wizard rock is love. Love is all powerful.

Meeting all the Wizard Rock Boys!

Quote of The Day
"California dorks
We’re unforgettable
Disneyland like
Four times a week
Sunkist soda pop
and Flux Capacitors
Ohohohohoh Oh Ohohohohohoh"
-California Dorks by Jason Munday

Silence....

2010-07-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

WOW, did you just see that tumbleweed pass by? It has been a long while since I've been on here writing about my boring everyday life in a way that makes you guys laugh!

But I am back with a new resolve to better document my life on here. Today won't be a day of angry open letters or long involved rant sessions. It's a list of funny anecdotes/updates. Truth be told, I'd like to write a long rant because I'm in a TERRIBLE mood which probably is in part my own fault, but partly due to other people. A rant would be good, but I would probably say some things I regret, so I won't. So you get a haphazardly thrown together list of funny stories and updates.

Funny Story #1

This last week Lisa (my roommate, more on her later) and I drove 8 hours to see a wizard rock band show in Cody, WY. Yes, I'm aware of how strange that sounds, but it was an adventure and I love me some adventure. Lisa was game for the long drive and so we road tripped it. I hate long car rides, but I enjoyed this because Lisa and I listened to music, talked about life, and I read to her out loud from a Norah Roberts book. Yes, a Norah Roberts book. Make all the jokes you want, but IT WAS FUN! The not so fun part was that while we were driving home from the concert (the same day) we had a deer hit us about 10 o clock at night. We ended up staying a kind of gross motel and then driving our sticky stinky selves home with a broken windshield and a driver side door that wouldn't open. The concert itself was amazing and I got to meet some people I've been wanting to meet for some 3 years now. It was a memory I'll have for a long time that I will revisit when I'm feeling sad. I also uttered a sentence that I thought would never fall from my lips "I'm glad to be back in Utah...where everything makes sense."

Update #1
I'm finally back at work with full privileges now that my back is healed!! Oh you didn't hear? I hurt my back 2 weeks ago. Nothing bad of course, just a muscle strain. It was bad enough, however, that was enough to send me to the ER, and then take me off of work for two weeks. I was so bored out of my mind that I ended up doing crazy things/dressing in crazy clothes to stave off the boredom (see funny story #1).

Update #2
I am also finally in my permanent apartment, at least for the next 6 months (that's how long our lease is). I plan to probably stay there longer, so long as everything is still working out with my roommates. I'm hoping to stay there for the entirety of my school career (May 2012). It's pretty great to not be living out of boxes, to put stuff on the walls, and to know (relatively) where everything I own is. I also picked up another roommate named Lisa (see funny story #1) who is pretty freaking awesome. We have a ton in common and I feel like she's one of my best friends already! Rachel is awesome, as usual. And the three of us are having a great time in our new place. I don't know how they put up with me some times.

Cool Story #1
I got to spend 2 really great days with my photography idol, Cat Palmer and I gotta tell you, that woman is an amazing person. She is so confident, so cool, so personable. She made my self esteem go right through the roof with her amazing attitude. I had gone on a date the night before our first day together (it hadn't gone so well) and normally I would have been bummed, but she just assured me that I would someday find the right guy. And if I didn't? I'd be just fine. Seeing her artwork gave me a new found motivation to create my own art. It was an amazing blessing to be with her, to realize that no matter how I look, I am of worth. She makes everything look so beautiful, you can't help but feel 100 times better spending time with her.

Funny Story #2
The cruise was AMZAZING and I had a great time turning 24 in Mexico. The surf lesson was one of the best ideas I've ever had. I was seriously tempted to just stay in Mexico and surf the rest of my life away with the whole Costa Azul family. They didn't make it easy for me to go back to the ship. They were all so cool. A whole family running a buisness together and a buisness that involved being at the beach every day? Count me in! Zip lining was also really really fun, and our two guides kept us laughing the whole time. We also took belly dancing lessons and I went ice skating. All in all it was an extremley worthwhile trip!

I'm not going to talk about my dating life at present (it's a large portion of why I'm in such a bad mood today) but know there might be a post in the future about it.

Cool Story #2
Lisa's boyfriend Austin brought us all three seasons of Avatar The Last Airbender. We immediately feel deeply in love with the show. It's funny, serious, lovely, and inteligent all at the same time. Because of that, I got really excited that the movie was coming out. I was very disapointed in how TERRIBLE the movie was. I hope that should they make a second movie, that they kick M. Night Shamalalmalaming out on his bad movie making ass.

Anyway, that is all, I'm pretty much done talking about myself, but I promise, I won't go that long again without updating.

Quote:
"I believe in the idea of the rainbow. And I've spent my entire life trying to get over it." Judy Garland

Tie your shoe!

2010-04-23T13:44:00.001-07:00

So as many of you have noticed/mentioned to me, I had to give up BEDA. Because of the move and finding myself without internet for about a week, I realized other things were more important.

But it's a slow Friday afternoon and I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open so here is a random list I've been making in my head of things to mention. Have you noticed yet how much I like making lists? I really really do if you haven't noticed. Weird.

~ Today I was walking down a hallway when one of the patients said to me "Stop right there, young lady" I turned around preparing for the worst when she bent down, and tied my shoe. It was one of the weirdest moments of my life.
~ Despite (or maybe because of) the rainy, cold weather today, my hair is at it's most fantastic, go figure. In other news, I pulled my hair into a miniscule ponytail last night. YAY!
~Yesterday I went with my roommies on a trip to Costco and bought these DELISH El Pollo Loco bowls. Yum diddily, I brought one to work today for lunch!
~There is a jewlery sale going on down in the main part of the hospital and I really want to go buy something from it. Curses, why do I have to be poor!!!!!!!!
~It's REALLY cold in here, I'm gonna go glance at the jewlery and get out of here (sans debit card so I can't buy anything!)

Dag, yo!

Quotes!

2010-04-12T15:26:00.000-07:00

So today we had to take down our quote board and since we aren't taking it with us I've reprinted our quotes for posterity. Most of these won't make any sense to anyone beside me and Rachel.

-"We need the smallest west pastable" Brittany
-"Oh shut up cup o' noodles" Rachel
-"Shirts are coming off, we are in buisness!" Brittany
-"Good job sweatshirt" Rachel
-"I made you a burger with salsa LOVE ME!!!!" Brittany
-"Oh, it looks like Christmas is fighting" Rachel
-"Why are we laughing, we should have been depressed for this" Brittany
-"No candy coated shit for you!" Rachel
-"Rachel I want to make sex to you" Brittany impersonating Michael Westen

Ha, we are funny.

Fun Memories

2010-04-08T19:59:00.000-07:00

So since I've been cleaning and moving things, I've found some really fun memories I'm going to list them here.

-The dye spot on the wall where Rachel and I accidentally got hair dye from the first weekend she live here.
-The Skulls that moved in during October and have stayed wearing various funny looking hats. They curently have mustaches and sombreros counting down until we go to Cabo.
-The hooks left stuck to the celing in the living room where I once night decided to build a sheet fort.
-The large piece of fake fur and leftover fabric from my Rainbow Brite Halloween costume that was held entirely together with hot glue.
-3 Different program from church that Rachel and I have drawn various stupid things on when I was so bored at church.
-The last remaining sticker given to me by Mark Hoppus at the Blink-182 concert
-The Ripped pants from the fateful last boat ride at Lake Powell Spring Break 09
-The Nerdfighterlike T-Shirt
-The sand encrusted high heels and flip flops from my second shoot with Ashely and Rachel
-My black slides that I never cleaned the mud off of from running around a park in West valley on the 4th of July with Ashley and Chris
-My Rigby Idaho t-shirt
-Notes written back and forth between me and various people during sacrament meeting
-My old and new Jesters Shirts and my gold shoes
-The two VERY obvious stains on the living room carpet from Rachel's makeup spilling and I clumsily spilling my diet coke
-The mice traps from the battle with Gus Gus (not that I kep them, I actually threw them away the other day)
-The Makeout Chair

It's been a fun run here at the Water Temple, and part of me is really sad to move away from all the fun memories, but I'm glad to be opening a new chapter in my life.
Boxes packed: 6
Bags of Garbage: 2
Days Till Move: 2

Quote of The Day:
"Here is the church
Here is the steeple
We sure are cute
For two ugly people"
The Moldy Peaches "Anyone Else But You"

Sad

2010-04-07T22:58:00.000-07:00

I'm not really in a mood to blog about funny stories or talk about moving. Tonight I announced that I'm going to be going on extended leave from Jesters. It was pretty emotional thing for me. That team has become such an amazing thing in my life and I'm really sad to leave it.

It's bittersweet because I knew I was going to quit come August for school, but all of this moving has happened in such a whirlwind of a week that I hadn't really prepared to quit.

As I've been packing I've been coming across little things that I've picked up from the last year and a half of living here. It's made me a little nostalgic for all the fun life defining moments that have happened to me. I mean I've become an adult in this house basically.

Anyway, I'm not going to say much more because it's making me too sad.
Boxes Packed: 4
Bags of Garbage: 1
Days Till Move: 4
Quote of The Day: “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Christopher Robin to Pooh

Weird Thoughts

2010-04-06T13:54:00.000-07:00

So as most of you know, I work in a hospital. There is something magical about a hospital that sort of make me think of REALLY weird things. I don't know how these thoughts got in my head or why I always think of them only when I'm at the hospital, but for some reason I always do. I feel today would be a good day to share some of those crazy thoughts I have.

1. Whenever I ride the elevators I always...ALWAYS make bets on which one will get there first. I usually only do this with myself. Occasionally when I used to work with another aide named Brandon, we would make actual bets usually involving one of us having to clean the office or some piece of equipment. But now that I don't work with him anymore, I only make bets with myself. Usually the bets are along the lines of "take the trash out today if I lose, take it out tomorrow if I win."
2. There is a doctor who every time I look at him I think "He looks like this guy". No matter how many times I see him, I ALWAYS think that, and I laugh a little to think of him battling it out with a secret agent platypus.
3. On the 1st floor of the hospital just as you come out of the visitor elevators there are 3 photos of close ups of the inside of flowers and every time I see them, I always think they look like women's genitalia. It's very Georgia O'Keefe, but much less subtle and pretty.
4. Whenever I have both pagers on, as stupid and childish as it sounds, I feel like I'm a super important person in the hospital. Even if I don't get a single page on them at all, I feel like at any second I could be paged for something REALLY important and I would have to dash off Grey's Anatomy style and save the day.
5. I kind of always hope that somehow something that happens on ER would happen here at the hospital. How terrible it that? Like I hope that someday while I'm working here, I get taken hostage by a drug seeker. Seriously....how messed up is my mind if I think that???? Or some sort of evacuation due to a fire or something. Of course when I imagine this, NO ONE gets hurt. Everyone ends up happy an healthy in the end. I'm such a weirdo!
6. I like to imagine really bitchy patients/family members in funny generic costumes when they are driving me nuts. The costumes I imagine are as follows: cowboy, cheerleader, gorilla, firefighter, and princess. Both genders are put into these costumes. It is really a treat to imagine my coming-off-the-sauce asshole patient in a princess costume with a hairy chest and a beard.
7. Every time I pass a med room, a clean utility room, or one of the resident on call rooms, I always think about grabbing one of the hotter male nurses (or any good looking male staff member) that populate this hospital and passionately make out with them in said room.
8. Whenever I pass an empty room I have a sincere desire to grab a few prewarmed blankets and take a long nap in the room. I feel like no one would be the wiser even though someone would probably find me out 10 minutes in to the nap and I would be written up/fired.
9. I firmly and truly believe this hospital is haunted. I mean how can it not? SO many people have died here, someone has to still be sticking around to make it a little spooky. The only time I enjoy being here at 6 is on a Saturday when most of the regular clinics are shut down for the weekend and the lights in some of the hallways are off. I like to walk through them and think up tragic stories for the people who have died here. Most of them usually mirror the story of the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland involving a dead husband and a his forlorn suicidal bride.

Anyway, those are my weird thoughts.

Boxes Packed: 4
Bags of Garbage: 1
Days Till Move: 4
Quote of The Day: This

Packing and Cleaning

2010-04-05T11:25:00.000-07:00

I started packing my first box for the move last night. It's really heavy and I totally didn't even fill it. It's got all of my framed photographs, which there are A LOT of them. I also should be washing laundryy like a fiend but I just.....don't want to.

I mean for crying out loud, the best of "I love the 80's" is on. Who can compete with that. It's seriously one of my favorite television series. There is nothing that can compare with it.

Moving on, my home teachers came over for one last "home teach" before we move, but basically it was to come see Rachel (which she consitently denies). But it does make me a little sad that the two of them probably won't be coming over to our house anymore. I enjoy those fellas.

Anyway, I'm completley strapped for things to write about now so I'll introduce a new feature that will be going for the next week or so.

Boxes Packed: 1
Bags full of Garbage: 1
Days left till move: 5

Quote of The Day:
"Hank, do you know what the difference is between regular cupcakes and nerdfighter cupcakes? Instead of containing a lot of sugar, nerdfighter cupcakes contain a lot of awesome." John Green

Easter

2010-04-04T23:40:00.000-07:00

So TECHNICALLY I've missed the April 4th blog deadline by 40 minutes, but I was with my family for most of the day and have had no time to blog at all. I started my morning with my mom, my sister, and myself wrestling my almost 4 year old neice into eating, dressing, potty-ing, and groom at various intervals. She's gotten into thinking that screaming and crying will get her way, and frankly I'm glad I don't have children right now. I'm too impatient (and still too much of a child myself).

But the Bailey-Axelrod annual get together for Easter was today and has ALWAYS involved the following:
-An adult Easter egg hunt that usually has wrestling, running, fighting, lots of yelling, and attempts to steal each others eggs.
-My mom and my Aunt Paula bringing us our Easter bags to a rousing chorus of "Here Come Peter Cotontail"
-My brother and I getting into some sort of half assed wrestling match, usually ending in him either running away or him pulling the old "my arms are long and if I put my hand on your forehead you can't touch me" move
-Food laced with Matzo (my uncle is Jewish and celebrates Passover)
-Loud laughter
-Lot's of candy due to my Aunt and cousins giving up candy for lent.
-A visit from Califorina living Lisa
-LOTS of food

Anyway, Easter is kind of our holiday. Our family has always done Easter up big. One year we went to Bear Lake for the holiday weekend and celebrated not only the Resurection of Christ, but of the Lord passing over the houses of the Jews and not killing thier firstborn. We were all holed up in a couple of condos and had an AMAZING park wide Easter egg hunt that spanned the entire trailer resort of which we are members. The weather was also GORGEOUS that weekend and a long standing family inside joke of "Cheau Fwa Ham" that is so not how it's spelled.

My family is basically the coolest!

"I'll tell you what then, don't.... step on any butterflies. What have butterflies ever done to you?" -The Doctor (my love)

BRRRRRRR

2010-04-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

So it's mega MEGA cold in the office today. It's been pretty mellow here at work. I've been freaking out a little bit about money considering I had to drop 200 dollars today on a deposit for the Magical House of Wonder and come Monday I will also be dropping first months rent. So I'm gonna have to be a good kid and not spend any money until payday on Wednesday.

Anyway, boring, poorly written first paragraph aside, besides moving to a new place, I'm starting to get really excited about going to Mexico. I was talking to my Dad today about my birthday present from him (he's paying for my surf lessons in Cabo on my actual birthday). So I started thinking about the fun that Rach and I are going to have on this trip and how basically it will be my last vacation until 2012.

Then of course I got thinking about school, which excites and frightens me at the same time. Being an ESFP (still don't know what that is? One of these days I'll talk about Meyers and Brigg, I promise!) I don't really like to think about the future. In fact thinking about my future gives me a little bit of an anexiety attack (REALLY LITTLE, nothing to worry about dear readers). I mean right now, even thinking about moving into this new house is making my skin tingle and my stomach swoop. I mean it's a new palatte for decorating, it's new people, it's new adventures in a new town. It's all the things I LOVE, but since I really don't have a REALLY good idea of all the goings on that might happen (good or bad!) it makes me minimally nauseous.

Anyway...
Quote of the Day:
"The way I see it, if you want rainbows, you gotta put up with the rain" -Dolly Parton

WE GOT THE HOUSE!

2010-04-02T19:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, so we didn't actually get the house, we got two rooms in seriously one of the most gorgeous houses I've ever seen. I felt like I was walking through a celebrities house or I had stumbled on the set of "Cribs". It's so amazing!

Move in will probably happen this weekend, and I'm TOO EXCITED to really form good sentences so yeah, go team!

Quote of the Day:

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”

Blog Every Day in April

2010-04-01T21:39:00.000-07:00

So last year at the beginning of April, one of my favorite authors Maureen Johnson challenged her blog readers to BEDA (Blog Every Day in April). I've decided to challenge myself to do this again this year. I only got to day 4 last year (typical ESFP of me (more on that later)).

I feel like I'm not a terribly good blog writer and can only write when I have an INTESNE EMOTION (read: angry, usually). Anyway, I need to challenge myself when it comes to blog writing. Go Me!

So anyway, a week ago my landlord came and spoke to my best friend/roommate and told him that he's putting the house we live in up for sale. At first I was DEVASTATED. I've been living in this house for almost a year and a half, it had become my home. I had decorated the living room myself, I had basically put my decrative stamp on the basement here and it feels like my home.

I kind of freaked and started asking around like crazy if people knew where I could live thinking that I would be kicked out of my house like the next day. It didn't end up that way, of course, but since Lynn said he was selling the house, he's been here NON-STOP fixing things. So the last few days I feel like I'm being pushed out of the house, and Rachel agrees.

But there is this great shining light that has shined on us. Rachel was talking to some of her friends and we got news of a GORGEOUS house that we are probably going to move into. Just writing about it is giving me this burst of sparkling optimism that makes me want to do a little dance.

Moving out is a scary thing, I really have a life here. I have friends nearby and a staff of Cafe Rio employee's who basically know me by name, a great ward, and the Empress a stones throw away. But at the same time, I'm SO excited. I feel like this is a really great way to start a fresh page in my life.

I'll keep you updated on the move. The house we are (POSSIBLY) moving into is going to be AMAZING, it has a gorgeously huge balcony, a ginormous backyard, and an all around beautiful look too it. I can't wait to move if it's where we end up!!!!!!

Quote of the day:
"Anyone can be passionate, it takes real lovers to be silly" -Rose Franken

I suffer from hyper-awesometitis!

2010-03-04T21:58:00.000-08:00

So I haven't updated in a little while, so I'll cop out once again and just make a bulleted list of what's going on in my life.

-Rach and I just bough a spiffy cheap chair from the Salvation Army (don't worry, it was basically brand new) and I'm pretty much in love with it, even though it's really easy to fall alseep in. We've also dubbed it the "Makey Outy Chairy." Not because anyone has made out in it, but it would be REALLY easy to make out in because it's really wide and two people could cozily sit in it.
-The Cruise is offically paid off, all that is left is to pay for the plane tickets (and some other random things like tips and on shore excursions) and with the arrival of our passports today, I'm starting to get REALLY excited to go. Especially after I looked at my friend Tedi's pictures from the same cruise.
-My room could be classified as a national disaster area. No seriously, the only way I can get around in there right now is a pretty little walkway between crap piles. Go me.
-OOPS All Berries is back in the store and I bought 3 boxes. Granted, I only bought one box for me. The other two are for my brother. I'm pretty sure he will name his next child after me.
-The Burn Notice season finale is on right now.....SAD!!!!!
-Also, Sunshine? SAD SAD SAD movie. I watched it with the Rachel and she (of course) loved it.
-Guitar Lessons are going really well, except I haven't been to one in two weeks due to a complication last week for me and an incident for Bryce this week.
-I finally have all my little action figures here from various parts of the world, and by parts of the world I mean England and Australia. They are so cute, and I found out that parts of them come off and can be switched around to make REALLY funny Dr. Who action figures.
-On the subject of the Doctor, he comes back to telivision on Easter and once they pick a day of the week to show the show, there will be Doctor Who parties at my house because I think I'm the ony person with the BBC on my tv.
-The growing out of my hair is going well, albeit slowly. I now can put my hair in momstyle pigtails right above my ears, or make a gross pirate-esque ponytail at the nape of my neck.
-I haven't shot pictures in a while and I'm itching to shoot some photos again.
And that, ladies and gents, its all I have to say on the matter. BAM!

Hank's Survey

2010-02-13T13:06:00.000-08:00

I really am not sure what to say about this post. I don't want to do an open letters blog, but I'm not feeling exceptionally creative to write a "normal" looking post. I decided to answer some questions that Hank Green usually asks in his annual survey.

1. Your name:
Brittany Kristine Bailey

2. Your Web page:
rockoutbritty.blogspot.com

3 What have you been up to this past year (please be as detailed as possible, because we actually want to know)?
Well I'm lumping in January and February into this "year". I've been living in glorious West Valley City, UT loving my life on my own. I was unemployed for the first time since I was 18 for 4 grueling months untill I got a job at the University of Utah Hospital working in Acute Physical Therapy. I went on a trip to both Yellowstone and Lake Powell this year. I made some amazing friends this year and got an amazingly wonderful roommate named Rachel. I've been going to school at SLCC and learning to play the guitar.

4 How much longer do you think you’ll be doing what you’re doing?
I'll be doing work at a hospital for the rest of my life, and I will always be making friends. I'll hopefully only be at school for two more years. I will travel as much as possible for the rest of my life as well. The guitar will also be a life long journey.

5 Why are you doing it?
College, because I can't move up in the field I want untill I get a degree. Working, because I need the money, but I also adore the work. I love healing people.

6 What do you want to be doing?
I want to be living on a beach in Cabo teaching people how to surf.

7 What’s next in your life?
A trip to mexico for my Birthday, and hopefully a feller fits into the future there somewhere!

8 How You Doin’?
I'm doing pretty awesome

9 What’s the best book you read this year?
I really loved Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, but I also really loved Suite Scarlette

10 Describe a perfect day?
I wake up and I'm suddenly 50 pounds lighter, it's sunny, but not unbearably hot. I walk out of my room to find I'm living in a Cabana in some tropical place 50 feet from the ocean. My closest and beloved friends and family are all there with me and we surf and dance and swim with dolphins. David Tennant walks up declares his undying love for me, and proposes. And the whole thing is catered by my own personal Cafe Rio.

11 Assuming that all things come to an end…how do you think humans will go extinct?
Humans won't go extint. The world is going to end with the 2nd coming of Christ.

12 How are you feeling about kids these days?
I think they are adorable, when they aren't being completly terrible. I'm glad I don't have any right now, but I'm nuts about the ones belonging to my siblings.

13 (- In this space, compose your own question, and answer it -)

14 Ambrozzo tastes better than anything else, what does ambrozzo taste like?
Cafe Rio and Diet Dr. Pepper

15 If you were a cliché, what cliché would you be?
All bets are off

16 What is your least favorite part of any given day?
The part where I have to get up in the morning

17 Do you enjoy science fiction?
I just said I want Daivd Tennant to propose to me. So I'm thinking....YES

18 Cheese or Chocolate?
Chocolate, no wait, cheese! Wait Chocolate.....BOTH

19 Where would you live if you could live anywhere?
Catalina Island, California, Somewhere in Europe, or Surfers Paradise in Austraila

20 What was your first concert?
NSYNC

21 If you could start a business that would be instantly successful, what kind of business would it be?
A clothing store called Limbo that makes tailor fit clothing at reasonable prices. For the women who can't wear a 12 because it's too small but a 14 is too big and sizes are different depending on what brand you wear....either that or a T-shirt buisness that has the wierd things I say printed on it and everyone wants one.

22 Invisibility or Time Travel?
Time Travel, but only if it's in a blue box with a feller who has a certain penchant for a sonic screwdriver. Otherwise, invisibility.

23 What’s wrong with the world?
I think it's a general move towards being more selfish and less caring about other people.

Sigh

2010-01-30T09:43:00.000-08:00

I was planning to write an actual meaningful blog about my week and the things I've learned this week and things of that sort, but really all I can make my brain do right now is open letters

Dear Plane Tickets,
Why are you so confusing? Why do I have to have all these little factors that go into the price of my ticket. I mean, there is some sort of ticket from Southwest that is 100 dollars each way and it seems like I'm gonna get screwed if I buy these cheap-o tickets.....oh and charging for a checked bag? I'm not okay with that.

Dear Bryce,
I'm really looking forward to becoming as good a guitar player as you, I just wish my hands were a little bit bigger so that I didn't have to stretch as much when I'm playing chords. For your health.

Dear Ozma-
You are a great guitar, I love you and you sound pretty. Here's to making beautiful music.

Dear Josh Duhamel,
You are SO HOT! Seriously, how can you be as good looking as you are and still be a human being? You were SO CUTE in "When In Rome" last night. I suggest your movie to anyone who like cheesy chick flicks.

Dear Life,
Can you throw my girl Rachel a bone already? She likes this guy, and I want him to like her back. I want her sense of wonderment and love of magic to come back to her body! Plus I want to do the "I Told You So, You Finally Weren't Right About Everything" dance.

Dear Meat Locker Office,
WTH is wrong with you.

Dear Netflix,
Why did I postpone bringing you into my life for so long??? You are FABULOUS!

Dear Males,
Did you not get the memo? I'm on a boy lite diet right now. I'm focusing on school/work, not wanting to date and not pining for a boyfriend. Leave me alone!!!

Dear Hormones,
That goes double for you. Leave me the crap alone.

Dear Beautiful Couple,
You two were so heartbreakingly adorable yesterday. I'm aware you both were devastated by the impending loss your family will suffer, but you brought me hope for my own life. Hope that someday, I'll find a man to hold me like that while I cry. God Bless you in your struggle.

Dear Fingernail,
I went 2 weeks without biting you, and now I've bit you down too far.....CURSE YOU

Dear Juila Nunes,
Thank you for being such a beautiful songwriter and writing songs that are basically about me. Without the song "Indecisive" I would be lost thinking I'm the most idiotic girl in the entire world. You are pretty and so is your music.

Dear Saturday Schedule,
Basically you suck, we NEVER need two aides in the morning and we ALWAYS need two in the afternoon. Why why WHY do we have the exact opposite of what we need on Saturdays?

Dear Hair,
Grow faster!

Dear Crazy Flamboyant Nurse,
I love you, way to be a bright shiny spot on a grumptacular day.

Dear My Band of Big Brothers,
Ahhhhh cursed co-workers, I love the lot of you, as much as you drive me nuts with your incessant teasing. Seriously though, could ONE of you be serious for 3 seconds?

Dear Doctor,
Glad to have you back in my home, I've been missing you. "You're thick and so is your dad"

Dear Rachel,
I LOVE our long strange conversations in British. It makes me happy. (Heart) you!

Dear Callouses,
I love you sooooo much, you make me feel like I'm now a part of a really cool club.

slightly grumpily yours,
Brittany

Basically 14 out of 24 done!

2010-01-08T17:55:00.000-08:00

So with the New Year, I'm not only looking at my resolutions, but I just looked at my list of 24 things to do before I'm 24. Here's our recap.

1. Lose 50 Pounds
*working on it!
2. Sing With a Band
*also working on it
3. Learn A New Language
*again, working on it.
4. Skinny Dip
*Done!!!
5. Run a Whole Mile without stopping
*I'm actually changing this one to swim a mile without stopping because running is bad for my knee and I'm working on that.
6. Write and Compose a Song
*Lyrics are written, still haven't written the music
7. Dye my hair every natural color (black, brown, blonde, red) at least once
*Done, Done, Done, and Done.
8. Learn to play "All Of Me" by John Schmidt
*Nope
9. Learn all of the music from Dr. Horrible on piano
*Working on it!
10. Make a kick-ass Halloween Costume
*Rainbow Bright and it was AWESOME
11. Have a slip-n-slide party
*gonna have to wait for it warm up
12. Beat The NES Batman game I got for my birthday today
*Finished it 2 weeks after I got it
13. Pass Anatomy
*Crossing my fingers on this one
14. Re-Visit my ancestral home, Los Angeles
*May 23, it's happening
15. Learn to knit a beanie
*Halfway there!
16. Cut my hair into a pixie cut
*Done, done, done and DONE!!!
17. Grab a couple of people and go for a one day road trip to somewhere I've never been in Utah
*I NEED to do this, adventures are always fun.
18. Visit a REAL haunted house/building
*Done and it was FAB
19. Play blackjack in the MGM Grand
*This one I'm amending as well, I'm going to do it on the Cruise ship.
20. Kiss someone at midnight on New Years
*Does my turtle count?
21. Own at least one bra from Victoria's secret
*Got a gift card, and one of these days I'm getting my butt over there, I'm also changing this to just own some non-lotion item from VS, bra's in my size are too expensive.
22. See Blink-182 on September 7th
*It was FANTASTIC
23. Audition for a production
*I did, and I'm now on a great improv team!
24. Have and artist draw/paint/photograph me
*Done, a beautiful sketch by Manelle.

So, I still have a lot of work left to do but it's gonna happen!

Reflective Blog.

2010-01-06T22:03:00.000-08:00

As part of my New Year's Resolution I promised that I would keep my blog up better, and that also means better quality blogging. I'm only 7 days into the New Year and so far I've been making good on my promises. I've been working out, trying to watch what I eat, stay away from temptation (curse you Village Inn!). I've been looking for patience. All those things.

Although, people have been (privately) asking me about my resolution about being kinder to myself. In fact a friend at work and I were speaking about it. She couldn't believe that I had made that a resolution and she wanted an explanation. Here it be.

I guess I would need to explain how my mind works. Wait....there is no way I could explain that in blog. It would have to be a textbook with sections and diagrams and all sorts of things. Let me explain how my inner voice works. Everyone has an "inner voice". It's the thing that reminds to you brush your teeth, stand up straight, and that the things you do may or may not be inappropriate for the current situation.

My inner voice though, it's well....hmm. The best way I could describe it is a small elf like thing that roams around in my brain. This is not a kind elf. In fact, you could say that my inner voice is the MOST unkind, cruel elf in the entire world. I do not have a kind inner voice, and like me, my inner voice does not shut up. Seriously, when I'm having a conversation with someone, or doing something (like acting onstage, flirting with a boy, or trying to do laundry) my inner voice cuts down how I do it into little tiny pieces and stomps on it like a bug.

Now I'm sure, most people have inner voices similar to mine, the problem is, I listen too mine nine times out of ten. I take pretty much everything that my inner voice says as cold hard solid fact. I try not to ever show that on the out side.

Confused? I know I am, the best way I can equate it is that my whole being, who I am what I do, where I go is like a castle wall. On the outside is me, just regular old me. On the inside is my inner voice, with a sledge hammer. Every time that my inner voice trashes the wall from the inside, outside me not only tries to fix the holes, but also makes the wall that much bigger so that the holes aren't as noticeable. The problem is, outside me has to work very fast so it's shoddy workmanship, but you only know that if you poke at the wall. People rarely poke the wall because it's so big and they aren't focusing on one little thing, they are just overtaken by the enormity of the wall. They don't notice the holes and they don't notice the crappy workmanship.

So tonight on my drive home from Jesters workshop (not going to Village Inn, too many food temptations!) I started to tell off my inner voice. Basically telling it to go to hell, that I could care less what it thinks and that I don't need it making assumptions and decisions about my life. My inner voice of course, told me to go to hell right back and that she wasn't going anywhere. She also said some very cruel things (like she usually does) to make me back down. It will be a lot of hard work and it will take a chunk of my time, but I will detach her from me. I will stop believing her.

I tell you this not to make you feel sorry for me, dear readers. Nor do I tell you this so that you can compliment me out the wahzoo. I tell you this so that I will have to accept responsibility in being kinder to myself.

So keep watching this next year as I take down the ultimate villain.....THE INNER VOICE!

On this day.....

2010-01-02T16:25:00.000-08:00

24 years ago, a beautiful woman was born. She passed away on July 12th this year (okay actually last year). I miss her a lot. She was a wonderful, supportive, fantastic friend. Little things every day remind me she's always nearby, things I see that make me smile and think of her.
I'm not sad anymore that she's gone, I know she is happy and finally healthy and out of pain. I know she's doing an amazing work for Heavenly Father, and she's a beautiful reminder to be a better person every day.

As such, I've been reflecting on what I need to do this year to become a better person. I mean yes, it's also the new year and that makes everyone reflect and I'm going to make some REASONABLE resolutions.

1. (The Obvious One) Get healthy, lose weight, and exercise more.
2. Read my scriptures more diligently
3. Become more kind to myself
4. Look for more experiences to become a more patient woman
5. Just as I ask others to accept me for who I am, I need to accept them they way they are.
6. Take every opportunity that I can to take pictures.
7. Keep my blog updated better, and not just open letter blogs, they are the easy way out.

List of The Awesome of 2009

2009-12-31T17:42:00.000-08:00

So I had a really fantastic year and I had this plan for a beautiful year in review with lots of pictures, but like usual, I have left it to the last minute. So you get a random list of my year and what was fun about it.

In the past year I have:

-Moved out and became and adult!
-Kissed 2 boys
-Had my heart broken 3 times
-Met some amazing life long friends
-Got a roommate who I literally have 3 million inside jokes with
-Bought a fish
-Buried a fish
-Bought a turtle
-Bought a new camera
-Started a small (emphasis on small) photography buisness
-Became a ghetto Martha Stewart
-Cut off all of my hair
-Went to Lake Powell for the first time in my life
-Tubed for the first time in my life
-Visited Texas to watch my sister graduate
-Lost 15 pounds
-Gained them back
-Had a car die
-Became more nerdy than I ever thought I could be
-Fell in love with The Doctor (aka David Tennant)
-Met Frank Warren
-Met a lot of members of the Jazz
-Met Mark Hoppus (for 3 whole seconds!)
-Saw Blink-182 and Britney Spears in concert
-Took some BEAUTIFUL pictures of my beautiful friends
-A bunch of late night amazing adventures including night shoots, movie midnight showings, and random trips to walmart at 2 in the morning
-Ate cheesecake on a stick
-Saw a Neil Diamond impersonator
-Lost a long time friend to a battle with cancer
-Learned to use Photoshop!
-Went to Lagoon twice in a week with good friends
-Went to the State Fair
-Took a spur of the moment trip up to Yellowstone
-Watched a friendship I thought would last forever crumble in a weekend
-Joined an Improv group and kind of met my soulmates
-Built a sheet fort in my living room
-Got an amazing job and have some AMAZING people there
-15 new nicknames? That might be a record for me
-Had an AMAZING Halloween costume that I made myself
-Got an addiction to my glue gun!
-Spent a great evening at the Organ Loft with some great friends
-Played a lot of video games
-Dyed my hair no less than 12 times (it could have been more, I don't really remember)
-Bought 8 Threadless t-shirts for myself (I bought 5 more but they went to other people
-Enriched my "theatre" side
-Found out why I am the way I am (ESFP forever!)
-Dealt with a gross mouse
-Got closer to God (yay!)
-Made a bunch of awesome headbands
-Had one fantastic weekend up at Bear Lake
-More trips to Cafe Rio than I would ever care to count
-Loved life!

After a year, I'm still as in love with this city as I was those first few days I explored downtown, I'm still in love with my bathroom, still in love with my house, still in love with everything really. I've had a beautiful year.

Up on the agenda for next year? A whole lot of adventures for sure but there will be a cruise to Mexico for my 24th birthday, (hopefully, but doubtfully) a trip to ComicCon in July, lots of school (bleh), turning 24, much more open letter blogs, and hopefully.....love. Tee Hee.

Hope you stick with me for the next year! HAPPY FREAKING NEW YEAR!

Insert Clever Title Here

2009-12-19T07:51:00.000-08:00

So I'm gearing up for the epic blog that will be happening chronicling my year in review. Don't worry though, there won't be any celebrity feuds, political scandals, or best songs of the year on this one though. In preparation and hopes that I don't take away all my brain power from this epic blog I'm posting everyone's favorite feature...open letters!

Dear Beverage-
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Dear Mom-
I'm so glad you are more "big picture" than me. It helps to have someone who makes me step back and see the whole thing. I love you.

Dear Ron-
I know we aren't SUPER close, but I love the nerdy bond that you and I share. I love that we understand each other in a way that no one else ever will. You are the best big brother a nerdy girl like me could hope for. I love you too.

My Jesters-
You all bring something to the table that enriches my life in ways I never thought possible. You have not only given me a beautifully fun creative outlet for my emotions and energy, but you have given me a great second family to move into. You have introduced me to a way of performing that I could have never achieved on my own. I know we all have our share of problems and there are some things that definetly need to be adressed and fixed, but overall, I love spending time with all of you and wouldn't change it for the world.

Dear Remy-
There are many thing I love about you and I could spend three or four hours listing them but for now I will pick the numero uno reason. You are SO easy to shop for when it comes to Christmas presents. Bless you, you fantastic woman. May all your sons be bishops.

Dear Boy-
Get out of my head, stay away from my dreams, and stop making my heart beat so fast. You are ruining everything.

Dear Super Snotty Nurse
I do not apreciate the way you spoke to me today. I may just be an aide, but I work here and I pull my weight, I deserve as much respect as the next person. I don't care if you have a BSN or not. You are the worst example of healthy living, you smoke and are *morbidly obese so get off my back.

Dear Alejandra-
You are seriously the sweetest woman ever. I love speaking my crap-tacular Spanish with you, you alway think I'm so cute and funny. I wish I could see myself the way you see me. You are amazing. "Feliz Navidad y un Felicidades Nuevo Ano! Te Amo!"

Dear Mr. Tennant-
Good Lord, I LOVE YOU. I hope someday I meet your fantastic face and get to tell you exactly how much I love you. I mean, you have knocked Matthew Gray Gubler right out of the number 1 spot as my biggest celebrity crush. That is something no one has been able to do for 3 some odd years now. Congrats. I don't know how I will react to the newest Doctor taking over for you, I don't know if I will like it as much. But good night nurse, you are AMAZING!

Dear Stomach-
Cease and desist all hostilities towards me immediatly! Throw down your weapons and come out with your hands up.

Dear Robert Kirby-
I've never thanked you, but you are always a bright spot on my day when I read your column. I wish more men in the church were like you. I won't say I wish they all were because then nothing would ever get done and the church would never move forward because all the men would be busy sitting in thier recliners annoying thier wives or finding ways to not put up Christmas lights and not service their snowblowers. But if just a few more men were like you in the Church, there might be a little more love and a little less politics.

Dear Gus-Gus
Glad you aren't a part of our home anymore. I got sort of paranoid walking around barefoot. I wore shoes when I didn't need to, that's a big deal. I can sleep a lot better too knowing you aren't running around ruining everything. I won't miss you, not one bit.

Dear Anyone Reading This-
Merry Christmas/Happy Hannuka/Happy Kwanza/Happy Winter Solictice and any other holidays celebrated at this time of year. I'm glad you stick with me even when I don't keep up updated or I'm grumpy or I write crappy blogs.

*I'm not being mean, I'm just being honest. Nurses that don't follow general heath practices like not smoking and staying with in a realativly healthy weight tick me off. This lady is easily 350 pounds, trust me. I would never fault a person for being overweight considering I am, but people who let themselves go as far as she had are just plain lazy and generally annying.

Thankful List

2009-11-17T17:47:00.000-08:00

So Thanksgiving is coming up and OF COURSE I have to do a thankful list.

This is of course in no particular order so here is the things I'm Thankful for

1. The great journey this last year has been moving away from home and really finding out who I am.
2. Rachel, she has been the singularly greatest friend that God has ever sent my way
3. My mom and the great relationship that has blossomed between the two of us this year.
4. My 4 fantastic siblings and 2 great in-laws who make me feel pretty freaking awesome
5. The 3 beautiful small people that call me Aunt Brittany
6. The house I live in and that I'm safe and warm and have electricity and I have a great landlord.
7. The plain and simple fact that my roommates haven't killed me yet.
8. That I live in a country where I'm allowed to have my own thoughts and opinions
9. A beautiful knowledge of my Savior and his love for me. Not to mention the peace it brings in these difficult times
10. Amazing friends
11. Even though it's not a very much, a steady paycheck from a job which most days? I ADORE
12. Grandparents who love me
13. The Jesters Royale
14. Two functioning eyes, ears, arms, legs, kidneys, and lungs. One functioning voice, brain, heart, and stomach.
15. Jung, Meyers, and Briggs for making me understand why I am the way I am. ESFP!
16. Dustin for introducing me to being an ESFP
17. The Late Pheonix and Evo Shandor
18. Photoshop
19. Facebook
20. DSL Internet Connections
21. The Amazing people that serve this country in the Armed Forces and The Families that love and support them
22. My gold NES
23 My green DS Lite
24. Vaughn (my laptop)
25. Juno (My first camera)
26. Reid (My new Camera)
27. Pinky McGee (my ipod)
28. Public Transportation
29. Robert Brooklyns (he invented the hot glue gun)
30. John and Hank Green and Nerdfighters everywhere
31. Frank Warren
32. Win Co and it's well priced good
33. The borrowed PS2 that is living at our house
34. Pie
Lastly,
35. My Gondor. That little green achieva that got me everwhere I needed to go for almost two years now. He died yesterday and I'm not looking forward to replacing him.

What are you thankful for?

Interestingly old blog.

2009-11-16T15:15:00.000-08:00

This was an old blog I found saved on my hard drive. It's Nothing like I've ever written before and I'm actually really quite proud of the picture it paints. I was stretching my muscles with this one. Enjoy!

Warning: This was written VERY late at night as a recount of a dream I had. It's a tad gruesome and VERY emo sounding. I am also under the influence of an influx of hormones and cannot be held responsible for any thing I say as of late. Read with careful footing.

The table sits in the middle of a light. Like a scene out of bad cop movie it illuminates the very center of the table. But instead of a smoking detective and a dejected/overly egotistical criminal, I'm alone. And in place of crime scene photo's or some such evidence my heart sits.

Now I'm talking real heart, with the three branches of the aorta, the chambers, the nodes, everything. Not so different then the pig hearts I watched mercilessly dissected in Anatomy lab. It looks like Jason, Freddy, or some such other equally scary villain from a horror flick has been by. Yet, seeing my heart sitting there on the table doesn't frighten me. It makes me nervously happy.

Next to my heart is one of those manila padded packing envelopes. Much like the ones C.D.'s are sent in. All that's left to do is to put the contents inside, seal it, and put on a stamp. I'm amazed at the fact that such an object could fit into an envelope. It's so simple. Simple.

But putting my hand in my pocket reveals the problem. The invitation I had sent only weeks ago has been sent back without an answer. No resounding "Yes" no disappointing "No" just....nothing. I'm not sure whether to send it or not. My heart just sits there on the table. Collecting germs and dust and God knows what else waiting to either be shoved back into the deep recesses of my body beneath the protective layer of my ribs or be placed, lovingly into the envelope to be sent to someone else.

I mean, come on! It's my heart, how hard would it have been to answer the invitation with some clear, defined choice? It's not like I'm offering my kidney or a lung. I'm not even sending my useless spleen. I'm sending the heart. The stuff of poets, people.

Should I have offered my brain, would that have garnered more interest? No, no one wants the brain when they could have the heart! The heart is meatier. It's bloodier. The brain only leaks Cerebrospinal Fluid, who cares about that?

So I sit. I hm and ha for a time, wondering exactly what to do. They don't have a manual for this. There is no "What to do with your heart now that it's out and you don't know where to put it" for Dummies, they have Circutbuilding, Tarot, Baby Massage (?), Sex, and yes, Mormonism for Dummies, but no yellow book on this.

What the hell am I supposed to do. Emily Post, I need your help!

No help comes. So I sit in a straight backed metal chair, just watching. Watching as my heart dries out and begins to stain the crappy plastic tabletop. Not even bleach is going to get this out in the morning.

I don't think any amount of scrubbing will get this mess off my shirt either. For crying out loud there is a giant crater in my chest, there is no way you can cover that up with an overlarge sweater or a blanket or something. There is a crater that would let me fit in on the moon staring up at me from my torso.

So what do I do. I do nothing....

I just sit there and watch my heart start to shrivel. Lack of fluid, lack of oxygen, lack of use. I don't need a microscope to watch the tissues die. Anyone could see that.

I do nothing.....nothing but cry over the loss of something so cherished, I loved that damn thing. The only sound that punctuates the cries is complete silence, silence and indifference. Silence so palpable it feels like a second skin.

No I must sit here until I can make a decision or something happens....whichever comes first I guess.

Open Letters...Again

2009-11-07T12:52:00.000-08:00

So I'm all kinds of nervous and excited for my debut tonight so I can only write in open letters. I can't think too much or I'll freak myself out.

Dear Tummy-
Seriously? Do you need to be upset ALL day? I'm aware it's mostly nerves, but still. I need some freaking pepto.

Dear Tonight-
I've been waiting for you for a while.

Dear Evo Shandor-
You are the only one for me, you adorable turtle. I hope you and I have a long life together!

Dear Acute Therapy Staff-
I never thought I would ever fit in with you, but the last few days I finally realized something. I do. You are a (relatively) great group of people and I'm so happy to be working here.

Dear Self-
I've so far never written to you, but seriously? You cleaned your room on Wednesday and it's already a MESS! Get with the program sister. You aren't 8 years old anymore!

Dear Rachel-
You, Me, passports, CABO, cruise ship, sunshine, photos, turtles, Halloween, dance parties, internet, man-bashing, "GRRRR, Satchel", awkward conversations that aren't actually awkward because we agree on it, boyfriend and royfriend. Need I say more?

Dear Amazing People in My Life,
Thanks so much in advance for coming to the show tonight. The fact that you are there will make life so much easier!

Dear Jacob-
Believe it or not, I adore our awkward non-conversations. You are a hillarious friend. Can't wait to magnify the awkwardness in February!

Dear Autumn/Fall-
GAH you have been so gorgeous the last week. I hope it stays like this until Thanksgiving. Hell, I'd like it to stay like this till Christmas. Just snow in the mountains to keep the skiers and the farmers happy.

Dear Sinclair-
You seriously make me laugh too much. I'm so glad to have found somone else who enjoys singing random crap like an opera. You are one of my favorite people ever! I love when you tease me about my 15%, and you understand my points of views on being a normal Mormon instead of a Stormin Mormon. I'm glad to have someone as awesome as you in my corner.

Dear Rocket Dog Shoes-
I would gladly be a walking advertisment for all of your shoes. They are comfortable, durable, and really quirky awesome. I haven't loved shoes the way I love yours since the Green 'Roos of 2005. Plaid sneakers, pink moccasins, and gold running shoes? You make me look like a crazy awesome person. You are the best.

Dear Chai Latte-
Why did it take you so long to kick in today? I'm suddenly not feeling so tired but I drank you nearly 6 hours ago! What gives? Wait...that could have been the Diet Coke I drank at lunch. You did nothing Chai Lattes! Booooo. I still love you though!

Dear Cassie-
I wish you could be here tonight. I know where you are is the place you are supposed to be. Doing the Lords word is pretty important, but my debut won't be the same without you. I know you will be thinking about me and sending happy thoughts my way though. You are the best and I can't wait till you get home!

Dear Keri, The Jakes, Blake-Face, Inigo, and Brady-
I don't think I could ask for a better team to spend my evening with. I know I won't screw up too bad with Blake at the helm and the rest of you helping me be my best. Thanks for accepting me into your flock of awesome!

Nervously yours-
Brittany

Love/Hate

2009-10-28T01:53:00.001-07:00

So I have an issue with dating. It's a necessary evil so I don't end up all alone with 3 million cats who eventually eat half my face, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a pretty confident girl. Put me in a crazy costume or make me do something silly in public? I'm there will bells on and I will probably be singing a bad 80's tune. Tell me I'm a French woman who is being attacked by aliens and put me on a stage? Eh hoo hoo, I'm a French woman being attacked by aliens. Tell me to read a paper in front of a class? No big deal. Reason with an unruly patient or their angry family members? Piece of cake! Point out body parts on a cadaver? Sign me up.

But put me on a date where I have to be confident, understatedly sexy, funny, and smart girl standing in front of a potential suitor? Suddenly I'm a doubtful, over-analyzing, nervous wreck who can't string two words together in a remotely intelligent factor. I hate that dating does that to me. I hate that it saps me of any positivity concerning myself.

Suddenly I'm debating wardrobe choices for hours, obsessing over the state of my eyelashes, begging and pleading with my unruly hair to cooperate, and forgetting what a fantastic person I am. All I can focus on is how completely fabulous my date is and how I will never be in his league. I hate that a person who believes that playing Madden 09 all day gives them athletic prowess (read: SWEEPING STEREOTYPE) makes me a quivering, bumbling fool. Here's the sad thing though....the dudes? They don't notice have of the crap I worry about for far to long.

If I have a pimple on the side of my face or a stray eyebrow hair, chances are guys aren't even going to notice. That is unless I point it out. Of course, because I feel like I look less then perfect, I obsess about it and everything I say the whole time I'm on a date.

I'm a person who likes things to be black and white. But when it comes to dating there are so many stupid factors that go into whether someone is into you or not. "Did he hold your hand? Well for how long? Was there inter-digitation? Oh no inter-digitation? That's a bad sign." or "Did he hold your hand or did you hold his? Did he let go or did you? Was there inter-digitation? There was? Oh, that's a bad sign." Geeze, and that's just when it comes to hand holding. There is also factors of how close your faces got, whether he opens your door or not, the awful "goodbye" situation (was it the awkward ass-out hug or a full body hug?).

Why are we perpetuating this terrible over-analyzing? It's driving me INSANE! Yeah maybe he put his hand on the small of my back, what does it matter? Just because he touched my shoulder for 4 seconds instead of 5 doesn't mean he doesn't or does like me.

I blame the men frankly. It's all their fault. Yeah, fellas, I'm blaming you. So what if I blame you and there's nothing you did. I can do that as a woman, just like you can suck all my self-esteem out of me because you are a man. There you go, turnabout is fair play.

Photography

2009-10-23T02:46:00.001-07:00

As some of you may or may not know, I'm a photographer. I'm not a pro and I never will be. But inside of me has been this long sitting love affair with photos and what a photo can convey. I actually can pinpoint the exact moment when I realized I was a photographer. It was October of 2006 and I was intent on taking pictures of my family's trip to Yellowstone that year. I just started taking pictures of things that seemed important and I haven't stopped since.

After saving for and purchasing my own digital camera, I was hooked. Juno (my point and shoot) and I were nigh inseparable and I quickly became the girl who always had her camera. Juno and I spent 2 years shooting easily over 5000 pictures. Juno has since been retired and put on the hall of fame shelf.

For the first two years I explored what kind of photographer I was. I remember being fascinated by pictures of sports stars in triumph or in sadness. One of my favorite pictures to this day is a picture I took of a girl on my sister's swim team right after she looked at her time on the scoreboard and came to the realization that she was the 11th fastest swimmer in the state in breaststroke. At the time I thought it meant I was supposed to be a sports photographer. But as I evolved I realized those were the first stirrings of trying to catch the essence of humanity on film.

I always had been attracted to people as my subject manner, but in a quiet non-posed way. A simple kiss on a cheek, a pile of girls painting their toenails, or an athlete celebrating at a personal triumph (or loss). I like taking pictures of simple things that everyone can relate to. It's hard to do because 1) you pretty much always have to have you camera nearby and 2) you have to be sneaky.

Most people instantly either tense up or ham up when you pull out a camera. I myself am a ham/tenser. I do both. That is why I prefer to be on the other side of the camera for pictures. But if you are correctly sneaky (as I am trying to learn to do with a larger camera) you can catch beautiful moments of humanity. It makes me grateful to be able to see the world in this way. Some photographers only see pain or anguish. While others choose to only photograph perfectly poised models in man made light. I choose to let humanity shine through my photos.

Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate other photography styles for what they are, amazing art that I could never create in my wildest dreams. I could look at photos all day everyday if I could. One might go as far as saying that I would like to see every photograph ever taken. You know, obviously striking out anything that is pornographic.

I actually now dream in photo shoots. It's a magical process of how I create a shoot in my head. Something catches itself in the web of my brain and I cultivate it for a day or so and then I sleep on it. Generally the whole thing comes together in a dream and then I spill the whole thing to Rachel who is really good at putting it in words (something I'm terrible at). Seriously that is where my motivation comes from most of the time. The cool thing about looking at pictures all the time is I often have a reference point to make an initial example of and then to run with it in a somewhat parallel direction. It's fun!

For instance, I work up one morning with my hair all kinds of crazy and my eyeliner from the night before smeared with like 20 blankets on my bed so it looked like a cave and the next night I had a dream about what I wanted it to be and this morning I verbalized it to Rachel and voila! I have a shoot in the works.

It should be fun to just work one on one with Rachel again, we haven't done that in a while where it's just me and her. The last few shoots have been punctuated with other people. It will also be fun to finally shoot in a more artistic style with Reid (my new camera!) I have yet to shoot a single "artsy" thing with him yet!

But what I think is the most important thing about photography, more important than my style, more important that my models, or the subject matter, and even the finished product it who I become when I pick up a camera. When that camera is in my hands, I feel like a great historian for those small simple moments that are so easily forgotten. By capturing a moment like my neice and nephew sitting on the lap of my younger sister I prove that all three of them existed in a space of time together and that they all obviously love each other. Things happen and there will be a time that all three of them don't exist in the same sphere. By clicking my camera for that split second I conquer the fear of a fading memory.

I'll finish up this soul-searching blog with two of my favorite quotes about photography that adequately explain why I love it so much.

"You don't take a photograph. You ask, quietly, to borrow it."-Unknown
"There are always two people in every picture: the photographer and the viewer." Ansel Adams

I'm never going to be a perfectionist when it comes to my photos, because life isn't perfect. Life is a mess.
In my opinion though, that's what makes it fun!

Dear October, I love you, here's why!

2009-10-18T16:13:00.000-07:00

Halloween Decorations!

The trifecta of Halloween cereals Orange flowers
Seeing my old friend Greg. It was so much fun!
Black Hair!
Visiting Black Island farms with my awesome Family

And Sheet Tents!

Saturday+No Sleep+Lot's of Downtime at Work

2009-10-17T09:07:00.000-07:00

EQUALS OPEN LETTERS!

Happy Saturday folks! Ready for another round? You know I am!

Dear Hair-
I'm glad that you and I could get back to being friends and living a calm symbiotic lifestyle. Who would have thought that putting a little black dye in you was just the ticket to get us back on track.

Dear Village Inn-
Good food, good feelings? Why yes, last night it was! I love you, I've never had a bad time when I come to visit you. Plus bringing on a drinking game based on things I do? GENIUS!

Dear Blake-
A 40 minute long conversation? Dang I didn't think there were people on this earth that talk as much as me. You sir, have proven me wrong!

Dear Family of Deer-
Someday Karma will get you back for trying to kill me and Rachel last night.

and it wouldn't be Open letters without....

Dear Rachel-
Awwww a deer....Ooo more deer.... *high pitched scream*

Dear Stephen-
I hate you, okay so actually I think you are pretty fantastic guy. But I hate you. SHOT!

Dear Bailey/Garcia family-
Thanks for all the fun last night. I love you guys. The family that Bowls together, stays together.

Dear Goosebumps-
Go away, I'm tired of being cold.

Dear Warm Blankets-
You are the devil's creation because you are so fantastic. All warm and cuddly. CURSE YOU!

Dear Hormones-
I thought I fired you last week, why the crap are you still hanging around. I fired you, in a big way. That means NO SEVERANCE, NO UNEMPLOYMENT, NO HOPE OF REHIRE. Go away before I call the cops on you for loitering.

Dear Halloween Costume-
YAY!

Dear Count Chocula-
Thank you for choosing to come stay at my house. You are promoted to head Vampire. Edward can kiss it!

Dear Franken Berry-
I can't begin to explain how happy you make me. Here's to a long happy life together.

Dear Boo Berry-
As far as cereals go, you and your fellows represent everything that is good about humanity. May your children's children be plentiful so my children's children can experience your awesome!

Dear October-
You are the best, never change. I love everything about you.

Darkily yours-
Brittany

It's Saturday Morning! And You Know What That Means!

2009-10-10T08:49:00.001-07:00

Yes, ladies and gentleman...it's time for another round of open letters. I really enjoy writing these, and the response from them is pretty good. They are much easier than crafting well written antecdotes in was that is pleasing to you, the reader. So this might just become a regular occurence on Saturdays.

Dear Skin-
Oi, why are you breaking out so bad right now? I hate you.

Dear Riley-
It was fun to make fun of you this morning. You really are a creeper and you had my drink made long before I even ordered it. It couldn't be due to the fact that I pretty much have been ordering the same thing for 4 months, it's because you are a stalker. But that's okay, stalk me all you want!

Dear Blue Dress-
Why can't I find you, each day I don't the more I worrry I won't get my costume done in time. How hard is it to find a short blue dress that I won't feel guilty cutting apart?

Dear New Coat-
I love you, no really. i.love.you.

Dear Rachel (I think you are going to make it into every one of these)
Thanks for letting me be exactly who I am. Thanks for letting me cry when I need to, build sheet tents when I need to, and for letting me watch corn-tastic chick flicks when I need to. You are the best.

Dear Office,
Is all the chilliness necessary? I'm currently cuddled up to the space heater, awkward positioning and my skin is on fire. Thanks

Dear Pam and Jim-
EEEEEEEEEE SO CUTE!

Dear School-
I'm not speaking to you. Yeah, I went there.

Dear Hair-
Seriously what has been up with you lately. Did I do something to make you mad? You and I aren't agreeing on anything and that makes me sad. I though you would always be my ally, but you are fighting me tooth and nail. What up?

Dear Red Wristband-
You aren't coming off even if I get gangreen or some gross rash, I WILL WIN!

Dear Cozy Bed and Jammie Pants-
You can stop calling my name, I can hear you all the way over here and there is no way I'm going to get back to you until the workday is over.

Dear Raspberries-
Thanks for being there :)

Dear Hormones-
You are fired, like in a big way.

Dear Inexplicably Always Sore Calf Muscle-
That goes for you too.

Dear Large Pile of Laundry-
Are you feeding off of something in there? You seem to get bigger everytime I get home! I mean do you have a small child who's lifeforce you are sucking away, it's like you are the Audrey II! Are you eating people I love to get stronger?

and on that note-

Dear Little Shop of Horrors-
YAY! I can't wait to see you. Jacob awkwardly kissing girls? Count me in.

Dear Extroverts-
We make up 75% of the population, yet 75% of my friends are introverts. WHERE ARE YOU? The introverts are sucking my lifeforce from me, I need you to feed back my energy.

Let me make sure I covered everything....cold, no lifeforce, large laundry pile, school, messy hair, sleepy, hormones. Okay, I think I covered all I wanted to today.
Except
Dear Reader-
If after all this time you are still with me? Thanks to you.

Shiveringly yours
Brittany

Influences (23 of them!)

2009-10-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

I was over at Stephen's blog and I was reading a post in which he wrote about the 25 people who influenced his life. He picked 25 because he's 25 so I'll only do 23, because I'm not old like him.

1. Diane Bailey. Hands down this woman has shaped my life in ways I'm sure I still don't even understand. My mom was the person who instilled a love of the medical field in me. She's probably more than half the reason it's my calling in life to take care of the sick. We never used to get along, but now, she's really my best friend. I hope to even be half the mother/human being that she is.

2. Ron and Jeff. They come as a pair. As I've become an adult and started to realize who I really am, I can see so much of who I am comes from them. Ron showed me a side of life where I don't have to be anyone but me. If I love superheroes and video games more than real living boys/men then I'm still an okay person. Jeff really was the first person to introduce me to the rock music movement and teaching me that music isn't' really music until you make it your own. The two of them were good stand-ins when my own dad was a disappointment. I hope the man I marry and my sons have some of their great qualities. I know that they will always claim me no matter what I do.

3. Wendy and Lindsie. They also come as a pair. Wendy and Lindsie are fab sisters, hands down. Lindsie is/was my little partner in crime and was always there to let me cry when I was sad. Wendy was the quintessential "cool big sister" and now that we've become more peers than little/big sisters I love spending time with her and acting like an adult (or actually like children). They have always been my champions and I don't know what I would do without them.

4. Jean Brown. My harebrained wonderful maternal grandmother. She taught me to knit, which is gift enough. But she's also shown me what true, unbiased, unconditional love is. That woman has always made it clear that she will always love me no matter what I do in this entire world. She will always want to know what's going on in my life (even if it's dull!) and always has little gifts for me!

5. Emma Smith. This woman is truly amazing. She's everything an educator should be in this entire world. If all teachers were like this woman, then there would be no one in this earth that could be considered "stupid". She taught me physics, but it was so much more than that. She gave me the springboard into science as a whole which led to me realizing I wanted to be in the medical field. She's now become one of my best friends and a person I can ALWAYS
talk/complain to about anything and everything and she will give me good sound advice.

6. Gus Bolos. My boss at Ogden Regional, what is there to say about him? He was the first adult male besides my family members who made it clear he was concerned for my future. He would council with me on what I was doing with my life be it boys, school, etc. He always wanted full reports of the guys I dated, the classes I took and the things I did with my spare time. He would help me study for my anatomy class and saved my poor sprained ankle when I did serious damage to it for the second time in my life.

7. Dorothy Hooton. My "adopted" grandma. When we lived in California, she lived across the street. My mom was really sick while we lived there and most afternoons she would take me and my little sister to her house to play/eat/nap so my mom would have some time to just be sick without worrying about us little ones. She (and her husband Uncle Bob!) were the most generous people I have ever met. They were pretty much gajillionaires because they were extremely frugal and saved every penny they had ever earned in their entire life. They never had a problem giving money to anyone who needed it but they never spent a whole lot on themselves.

8. Rachel Rowan. My roommate/confidante/ninja bodyguard/partner in crime/best friend. I do not know where I would be without this girl. She puts up with all my crazy on a daily basis and doesn't even bat an eye. She's a person who encourages me to be my best but doesn't fault me when I mess up and become a crying mass sitting on a floor of clutter. She just picks me up, hands me a Diet Dr. Pepper, and says "heart you". She's proof God is always looking out for our well being and loves us.

9. Charlene Dolbow. Easily one of the classiest ladies to walk this earth. She was another one of my "adopted" grandma's and she always loved me and my siblings like were were her Grandkids. I kills me to think she's all alone in a nursing home in St. George slowly losing her memories, but she wanted to stay there, and she was a woman who got what she wanted. I hope to be a spicy and feisty as she is when I'm older.

10. Calista Jones Fowkes. My guardian angel. The first time I met Cali was in 2nd grade and we became fast friends. I lost her to cancer this year, it was pretty tough. She was my age and had already been battling cancer for many many years. She was a trooper who never ever lost her faith. She knew that her cross to carry from Heavenly Father was to have cancer and she shouldered that cross without batting an eye. I miss her but I know she's always watching out for me and she's keeping the porch light on for me until I get back to see her.

11. Sydney Jean Garcia. This little firecracker re-affirmed my faith in God. She came into the world 6 weeks too early and from the minute she was born she fought to stay alive. My little niece had a lot of trouble in her first 40 days of life having things done to her that some people never ever have in their entire lifetime. Every time I look at her I am reminded of God's presence. There is no way that a little thing like her could exist without the reality of God's plan.

12. Luke M. and Jack Bailey. They also come as a pair. These two little nerds in training are proof that prayer and faith works. Neither of them, according to a doctor should even exist. My sister-in-law was told that she would never have children. Luckily she and my brother didn't listen and prayed and fasted and did the Lords work and what do you know? They were blessed with not one but two babies within 11 months. Nothing gets me happier then seeing their two little smiles and hearing Luke make Yoda noises.

13. Mrs. Howe. She was my elementary school music teacher. She made a complete and total fool of herself everyday to teach kids about something she loved: music. Without her early tutelage I probably wouldn't love music the way I do now.

14. Gae Fransen. She also instilled my music love patiently teaching me piano for many, many, MANY years even though I'm still to this day not good at it! She taught me more than piano though. She showed me I can be a strong, independent woman who takes care of things that need to be taken care of and still be a stay at home mom and wife. I also know that I should never settle for a husband who anything less than adores me.

15. Kent Ripplinger. He was my photography professor in College. He taught me everything I wanted (and didn't want) to know about taking pictures. Without him, my greatest passion would have fallen by the wayside. He and I were very different types of photographers but he helped me realize the kind of photographer I am. He also had a memory that rivaled Dory from Finding Nemo so he always made me laugh.

16. Jenny Underdown. That woman welcomed me into my new department at the U with arms wide open. She has always been my friend and always puts up with my yo-yo moods. She's not one that believes in dwelling on the bad. She always sees the shinier side of the coin, the bright side of the moon, and a rainbow in every storm cloud. I would have quit this job without her.

17. Barry Axelrod. He's a stiff millitary man, and I don't really talk to him much because we have Zilch in common. But I would be remiss to not put him on this list. He has influnced my life in ways he will probably never know. When my parents divorced, he stepped up to the plate as the "Man" for our family. Whenever we would go to Bear Lake with his family, he would always be right there helping us do the manly stuff. Granted, we didn't always need his help, but we let him help us anyway. It's sweet to see the way he always makes sure we don't need "man help". We weren't helpless women, but we let him do what he felt to help us be successful.

18. Bishop Davis. I'm gonna copy Stephen and put my home ward bishop and my singles ward bishops. Bishop Davis was everything a leader should be. Kind, fair, loving, patient, and Christlike he exemplified everything that a man of God should. Not only was he very strong in the Gospel, he was a wonderful human being. His door was always open and he was always very giving. Not only that though, he was fun to be around! My most fond memory of girls camp was getting him to sing "Father Abraham". It was too funny for words.

19. Bishop Miller. In my first singles ward he was the bishop. He was only the bishop for 2 months of my time in that ward but in those two months he taught me so much about who I was as a daughter of God and how to more fully recognize Gods will in my life. He was everything a singles ward bishop should be. He was supportive and not pushy when it came to the inevitable "marriage talk". He actually would counsel people to wait until they were at least 25 to get married and told the boys to stop dating girls so young. I loved him, he was a little bit of a spitfire.

20. Mandi Bailey Cawley. This girl will always be in my life. I dont' think I could get rid of her if I wanted to. She and I have been close friends since 6th grade and we've gone through quite a few things together. She is forever my cheerleader and one of my best friends. She keeps a level head when I'm flying off the handle. She's a beautiful person both inside and out and I hope to be as fierce as she is someday.

21. Kirsten Kemmer. We spent an amazing/frustrating summer together as camp counselors. She was always there when the work of the day became too much and she would let me cry on her shoulder. That woman's shoulder is probably soaked with so many of my tears, whether it was over frustrating little girls or Dumbledore passing away. She was also my first foray into missionary work and even though I wasn't always the example I was supposed to be, her conversion from across the county re-arranged my belief in the church for the better. I spoke at her baptism in Florida without actually being there. She's basically amazing.

22. Andy Davis. Now for those of you who know who this is I'm sure you have thought....why him. You HATED him. Yes, Andy treated me like dog poop on his shoe. Yes he made me cry on a daily basis. Yes he made high school a living hell for me. Yes he got away with all of it because he was a football player. But if it wasn't for him treating me the way he did, I would have never learned compassion and love for the people around me. I don't want anyone to ever feel the way I feel! I would have never gotten thick skin, either.

23. Jeff "Duffy" Knowles. He was a really frustrating boss. He was the Gus (number 6) counterpart. All the things that were good about Gus, he was the exact opposite. Regardless of that fact, that man taught me more about Physical Therapy than anyone else I've every worked with in the field. Everything he did when I was in the room he would explain to a really good detail. I owe so much of what I know about physical therapy to him. Just don't talk sports, politics, or you know anything but PT with him.

I really am a lucky lucky person to have such a varied, amazing, group of people in my life. I love them all so much.

Open Letters Again

2009-09-29T15:31:00.000-07:00

I feel the need to write in my blog and for lack of anything else to do, I'm going to write more open letters.... Most of these are weird inside jokes or cryptic messages only I will get. Sorry in advance if you don't.

Dear Sky-
Why must you tease me so? It would be great to have some rain today and it looks like it will rain, so just let it rain already!!!!

Dear D-
You confuse me, and I don't like be confused. I wish time would move faster so I could see things more clearly.

Dear Golduck-
Thanks for finally evolving. Level 33 Really? That took forever.

Dear Laundry-
You will be done today, I promise! I'm down to the bare bones of my clothes!

Dear Little Jig-
I hope to be doing you very soon for amazing reasons.

Dear Wimpy Boy and Pansy Girl-
You two are MADE for each other. Stop worrying that you are going to get hurt by each other. You need to just understand how much you two will wonderfully compliment each other. You will have beautiful children and a grumpy, violent, loving, happy life together. Just stop being afraid!

Dear Photo shoot-
Why can't you happen sooner? Why can't I figure you the crap out and get it done. You are festering inside of me and I won't rest till I release you.

Dear Desert-
Why must you be so vast with out any hope of an end/oasis? I'm tired of trudging through you with out a canteen.

Dear Dinosaur Shaped Nuggets-
It won't be the same dinner without you.

Dear Amy-
I'm glad to be seeing you tomorrow to have you make my hair edgy again. It should be fun to be able to control my hair again.

Dear Eyebrows-
Is all this bushiness neccesary?

Dear Pink Moccasins and Gold Sneakers-
I FREAKING LOVE YOU. You are not only cheap, well made shoes. But you make me stand out in a crowd. I love doing that!

Dear Jesters-
Make up your mind and let me perform already. In protest I will not do another box office until you do! I'm tired of being in the audience and feeling like an outsider. I don't like this at all. I'm ready.

Love, Hate, Frustration, Happily, and Figitily Yours-
Brittany

Blink-182

2009-09-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

This post was supposed to be a glowing report about how AMAZING the Blink-182 concert was and how AWESOME it feels to cross of another think off my list of 24 things. But after a bunch of really terrible comments I've been getting today that have been ruining how amazing the experience was for me today, I don't feel like being that nice or happy.

I've never understood people who are unkind based solely on their tastes in music. I have loved Blink for just under 10 years. Their music is something that has always moved me in a way nothing else really has. I don't care if the next album is going to suck, it doesn't discount the way they changed the face of rock music in the 10 years they were a band. I don't care if it was stupid that they broke up, all I care about is that they are back together.

They put on a FABULOUS show, even when they messed up they sounded amazing. Tom started playing the wrong song and totally fessed up to it. I didn't even notice. They laughed together and joked like the best friends they really are. I also met Mark and he was kind and gracious and when I told him I loved him, he said he loved me back. I know that he doesn't really mean it in the sense he want my hand in marriage, but with out me and people like me, he wouldn't be making any money.

But when I put up on my facebook that I met him and it was a great experience and someone puts "That's too bad, because he's a tool" really pisses me off! What right does anyone else have to rain on my parade. Mark is a person who is very special to me. He and I are both came from a home that wasn't very happy at times. His life, of course was much more terrible than mine. But we both came from home without good fathers and we are both products of divorce.

The song "Stay Together For The Kids" was a song that I always identified with. It was so difficult to deal with my parents divorce. Songs like that made me feel a little less alone. I cried when they sang it last night. It was such a surreal feeling to be standing there hearing Mark sing that song right in front of me and evoke the feeling that it would bring about when I would hear that song. It felt like Mark was hugging me and telling me he understood.

I HATE that people get mean about something like that. Music is about connecting personally with it. Finding your own reason to love music is why people keep making music. People want to connect on a deep level with thier music. I find my conncetion with a band that you can't deny is TALENTED, I mean, you can't listen to Travis Barker drum and not say he's talented. I won't say he's the best drummer ever but he's is definetly on a top 2o list of drummers. Travis learned to play over 20 songs in 2 hours when he first played with Blink. That is an amazing feat of talent.

I just don't like people "judging" me by the music I like. Grow up, get off your high horse, stop being an ass, and just let people like the music they like.

Open Letters/Rants

2009-08-08T08:29:00.000-07:00

I'm a little bit grumpy this morning and I have NOTHING to do right now. Most of these are pretty sarcastic.

Dear Job-
Thank you so much for stealing my Saturday sleep-in's to do nothing but sit on my butt for most of the day and feel extremely useless. I don't care if I get paid to do it, I'd rather be doing it at home, for free, in my bed. At the same time, I'm really greatful I have you, and should be way more apreciative.

Dear Every Attractive Married/Gay Guy working at the hospital-
Thanks for looking so fantasic and making me all giddy inside with your dumb compliments only to remind me that YOU ARE MARRIED/GAY. There should be a natural law that makes you ugly after you get married/come out. You frustrate me.

Dear Glute muscles-
I'm glad you are in so much pain this morning, it's making walking around so much fun.

Dear People with Annoying children-
Keep your eyes on them, it's not anyones job but yours. Don't breed them if you can't take care of them. I hate your parenting style, oh and I probably hate you.

Dear Weather-
Normally, I LOVE this weather, but today, you are making me achy and creaky and I sound like an old lady when I complain about my sore joints.

Dear Married people,
Complaing about being married to someone who is not? Never a good idea. I mean, I understand, you miss your single life, you miss being able to do what you want, you miss being independent, I get that. But saying you wish you had my life is sort of an insult. I love my life, don't get me wrong, but telling a single person all about how terrible it is to be married doesn't make me feel any better that I am without said marriage. I know it's not the most important thing in the world, getting married, but it's something I long for. I long for companionship and you treating your with such contempt and annoyance is a little bit of a slap in the face. Don't tell me I get more action that you do. I get NO ACTION unless I'm willing to be skanky and just "get some" for the sake of "getting some" which I don't do. You have a live in person who will from time to time give you that affection that all humans crave. Yeah, it may not be as much as you like but that person genuinely loves you and all the hassel of always looking good and always saying the right things is no longer in the picture.

Hem Hem...moving on.

Dear Long Drive I Have To Do Today-
I just don't even want to think about you. Why can't we just build pneumatic tubes all over and just use those to get where we need to?

Dear Ginormously Large Spiders in the Basement-
Enjoy your small pitiful lives, once I figure out how to get rid of you, there will be arachnacide. Make no mistake. You will be pitiful bad guys and I will be Chuck Norris. Prepare yourself aptly.

Okay, now some nice ones

Dear Hair-
I don't really miss you as much as I thought I would. Thanks for letting me take a huge risk with you, it's been a fun transition.

Dear Rachel-
You are amazing, I just can't even begin to explain how awesome it's been to have you in my life. La casa de Racel and Brittay is going to be an amazing adventure and I can't think of anyone else I would rather have as my sidekick/wingwoman/partner in crime than you.

Dear Mill-
Thanks for realizing that I'm in a bad mood today and letting me make fun of you and takin it all in stride. You are the best boss/co-worker a grumpy kid like me could ask for.

Dear Fiesty Don't-Give-A-Damn Old Ladies-
You make me laugh, make me look forward to getting old someday, and just all around are the most amazing people to meet. Never change no matter what anyone says.

Dear Pink Sweatshirt-
You were a comfy cozy companion today. Thanks for staying soft and cuddly and making me feel better.

Dear 500 Days of Summer-
Thanks for giving me something really cool to look forward to today. It's been a small talsiman inside me keeping me going through my grumpy-ness.

Dear Anyone Who reads this blog-
Thanks, that's all I can say.

Grumpily-
Brittany

Enjoying my last day.....

2009-07-29T09:01:00.000-07:00

With my long hair! I'm cutting all of it off. I mean ALL OF IT! I'm going for a pixie cut, I'm SUPER nervous! I mean, I know it's just hair, it will grow back, and my hair isn't my identity. It's my thing, but it's not who I am.

This decision has been about a month in the making. I keep reading articles titled "Should you cut your hair short" and exploring all the possibilites that short hair will give me. My feelings on it change every day one day I will be like "Hell Yes! Cut all the crap off!" and then an hour or so later, I'm like "My pretty pretty hair, why would I want to cut it all off?"

But I'm going to do it, I'm seizing my day, I'm throwing caution to the wind, I'm doing something I may regret, but I'm doing it.

I guess the real reason I'm doing it is because I'm trying to be more open to new exiriences. I've always been pretty open-minded when it comes to trying something new. Whether it's new food, activites, people, clothes, hair colors, decorating, tv shows/movies/music, and now I add to that list, hair lengths.

Most of my life I have what you would call medium to long length hair. I once cut my hair super short in high school by an inexpirienced cosmetologist. It was AWFUL. I couldn't do much with it, it was all one length without any bangs. I faked liking it the whole time. It's the only time my hair has been anywhere in the vicinity of my ears. I generally don't cut higher than that because I really like pulling my hair into a pony tail.

But today at 2 o clock, I will be cutting off all of it. I'm aware that some may think this will rob me of my femminity, and that boys like girls with long lush hair, but I'm not doing this for anyone but me. I'm cutting it to fufill a list of promises I made to myself when I turned 23 so that I wouldn't fester and not try any new things. I feel a strong pull to complete as much on that list as humanly possible in the next year. Two months in I have been really remiss in fufilling any of them! I've finished one thing and that was by accident.

So shut up and tell me my hair is cute whether you like it or not!

Bit of my novel.

2009-06-18T15:59:00.001-07:00

I sniffed and sniffed. I couldn't believe how much I had missed this smell. The smell of blown out candles, fresh cut flowers, a hint of garlic, and the overwhelmingly strong smell of cheap perfume that my aunt had always worn, this was the smell of my childhood home. I couldn't believe that even after years and a move that spanned thousands of miles that my aunt could still evoke that smell.

It's still funny to me after all these years that I refer to Marie as my aunt when 1) Marie is in no way shape or form related to my mother or father and 2) Marie was, for all intents and purposes, my mother. My actual mother died not long after my eighth birthday from a long battle with breast cancer. I couldn't believe a person could lose someone so important to them as their mother at so young an age. I thought that it was all a bad dream and I would wake up to my mother soothingly sitting on the edge of my bed telling me everything would be alright.

It wasn't until Marie walked me to the ominous dark coffin that held the remains of my beloved mother that the truth really set in. At that point, I was inconsolable. My mother had been my best friend, the woman who helped create and cultivate the imaginary worlds I lived in. She was the high queen of the faeries, the captain of the pirate ship, the owner of our ludicrous hybrid dog washing/lemonade stand. How would I survive with out her?

Luckily I had Marie, my mothers oldest most trusted friend. She was the only one in the world that I could have ever imagined attempting to fill the hole that my mothers death left behind. She was one of many beloved "family" members that consisted of the people my mother decided were her family.

I had heard the rumors of my blood relatives from whispered conversations in back rooms with Marie, or in left behind letters that my mother tried to write but forgot to clean up. They seemed to be a group of rich over-privileged people who thought themselves better than everyone. That was how my mother portrayed them.

Frankly even at 8 I wanted nothing to do with a family who made half-ass attempts to meet me. I'm sure my mother was relentless about keeping me away from them, but still it never seemed like they tried that hard. I had a family who loved me, supported me, and then raised me after my mother died and that's all I will ever need in the entire world.

To explain my life growing up I would first have to explain what kind of people my mother and Marie were. Both of them were scatterbrained to a fault, that's probably why I like to take care of people, neither of them were really that reliable. At a young age I had to be the adult. I loved both of them and I didn't mind being responsible but looking back sometimes I missed out on just being a kid.

To be continued!

2009-06-15T14:34:00.000-07:00

I heard this song on the radio and basically I love it, and for some reason it's really how I feel today. Who the crap knows why, but I love it........

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying, "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "Son you can't stay here"
I said, "There's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
'cause you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved

[Chorus 2x]

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

My happy list

2009-06-05T08:56:00.000-07:00

So I was reading on a random blog about a girl who likes to read people's happy list's
Here it be:

10 Things that make me happy

1. Anything vintage or funky.
2. Midnight spur of the moment ventures in to public with close friends
3. Being known as the "go to gal" among friends on medical matters.
4. Photographs, be it taking them or looking at them
5. Twirling mascara on my eyelashes
6. Singing Loudly (and poorly) in the shower
7. The feeling of being barefoot on soft grass
8. Riding the Train home from work
9. Folding fresh laundry
10. Painting my toenails

#24 DONE!

2009-06-03T13:11:00.000-07:00

24. Have and artist draw/paint/photograph me

Granted it happened inadvertently, but it happened. My darling friend Manelle who is an AMAZING artist, drew a very pretty sketch of me the other day in church. I'm hoping at some point I can get a copy of it and put it up here for everyone to see. But heck yes! one down 23 to go!

24 Things

2009-05-25T23:29:00.001-07:00

So I turned 23 Today...YAY!

Anyway I decided to make a list of 24 things I have to do before I'm 24.

1. Lose 50 Pounds
2. Sing With a Band
3. Learn A New Language
4. Skinny Dip
5. Run a Whole Mile without stopping
6. Write and Compose a Song
7. Dye my hair every natural color (black, brown, blonde, red) at least once
8. Learn to play "All Of Me" by John Schmidt
9. Learn all of the music from Dr. Horrible on piano
10. Make a kick-ass Halloween Costume
11. Have a slip-n-slide party
12. Beat The NES Batman game I got for my birthday today
13. Pass Anatomy
14. Re-Visit my ancestral home, Los Angeles
15. Learn to knit a beanie
16. Cut my hair into a pixie cut
17. Grab a couple of people and go for a one day road trip to somewhere I've never been in Utah
18. Visit a REAL haunted house/building
19. Play blackjack in the MGM Grand
20. Kiss someone at midnight on New Years
21. Own at least one bra from Victoria's secret
22. See Blink-182 on September 7th
23. Audition for a production
24. Have and artist draw/paint/photograph me.

Inspiration

2009-05-16T23:20:00.000-07:00

So Frank Warren (one of my hero's, you can find more information here) spoke at a college commencement the other day and reprinted his very inspirational speech. He asked the graduating class to each give a one or two line thought on graduation.

I cried while I read it. I've been having a very emotional week with my new work schedule and my lack of sleep to frustrations with my family and friends and an overall de-awesome-ification of my sense of self. I needed this, because after he reprinted the speech he set his blog to show comments that people have put up, and they are the most beautiful nuggets of pump you up be awesome knowlege i've read in a really long time.

For anyone too lazy to pop over to his blog, or who read this after this week is over and it's no longer on his blog I will reprint some of the things people submitted:

Be wise enough not to be reckless, but brave enough to take great risks.

It’s okay to fail – learn from it and you will succeed.

It’s better to be pissed-off than pissed-on

With the increased prevalence of multi-drug resistant bacteria and the increasingly epidemic worldwide outbreak of swine flu, WASH YOUR HANDS . . . RELIGIOUSLY.

In the real world, you must wear shoes.

I know some of us are going to walk off this stage today with no idea about what comes next – embrace it, find something that makes you happy, and follow it wherever it leads.

It got me thinking about my own nuggets of wizdom I could pass on.....they are corny but some of them are the only thing that gets me through the day. Some of them are my own thoughts, some of them are the thoughts of others and considering how late it is right now, I don't feel like looking it up

-There is no such thing as a missed opportunity, someone else always takes it if you don't
-Find out who you are, and try to not be afraid of it
-Be as kind as possible to everyone you meet, you have no idea what kind of day they are having
-Faint heart never won fair lady
-The door may swing open for you, but you've got to grab the door handle yourself and shove your foot in before it closes
-Happiness is a decision
-Don't ever think that someone or something will make you happy. We are all responsible for our own happiness.
-Suffering in silence is never a good idea, but suffering in stereo sound system isn't good either
-Never be afraid to tell someone you love them, what the worst they can say? Thank you?
-Sometimes you are gonna be angry, sometimes you are gonna be hurt, and sometimes you are going to want to eat a whole tub of ice cream. You know what? Sometimes that's okay.
-Before you embark on the journey of revenge, dig two graves
-It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone
-Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed
-Superman is, after all, an alien life form. He's simply the acceptable face of invading realities
-We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered

And my favorite right now:

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world. Not even our troubles
-Charlie Chaplain

My grumble for the day

2009-05-13T19:50:00.000-07:00

Working in a hospital brings a lot of interesting social conundrums. For instance, the higher your degree, it seems, the less you have to care about people. Granted, this is a sweeping generalization, but for the most part it is true. Doctors could give a crap about people who keep this hospital clean and sanitized and safe from bacteria. I'm grateful every day for the people who clean up the blood off the floor, wash the laundry, dispose of the bio-hazard waste, and disinfect the surfaces of our 6 floor hospital (do you realize how many freaking surfaces there onn on just ONE floor?). Most of the time these people have little schooling, some of them have mental/physical problems, some are living just above the poverty level and get paid for literally cleaning up after all the shit that goes down in a hospital.

I try and at least take the time to say hello to them as I pass by them. When I worked at a smaller hospital, I would have daily conversations with them, they were fantastic people who always tried to brighten up someones day regardless of how tired, how sore, or how frustrating their life was going. I really have a lot of respect and high regard for them.

I'm starting to really have a problem with doctors. Since joining the medical field nearly 4 years ago I really quickly started to lose respect and faith for doctors. Again this is a SWEEPING generality. There are some AMAZING doctors out there, for instance the doctors who lend their expertise and knowledge to countries and people much less fortunate that us here in the U. S. of A. And the doctors who dedicate their lives to research to cure diseases or take care of our wounded soldiers.

I'm talking about regular old doctors, specifically doctors who work solely in a hospital. I can't make any assumptions about how it works in clinics because I've never worked in one. I'm not sure how many people realize how little doctors do in a hospital setting. The usually run through the patients they are in charge of like Paris Hilton runs through underwear.

From what I have observed, this is what a doctor does when it comes to one patient.
1. Glance through their chart for maybe 10 minutes
2. Rush in an out of a patients room literally as fast as they can (usually about 5 minutes, unless the patient is relentless)
3. Answer as little questions as possible both for the family and the patient or speak in medical jargon that a regular person would have no way of translating
4. Write a really long list of sometimes really retarded orders in a handwriting that channels a serial killer
5. Read their dictations into a phone so they don't have to type them in themselves for the computer charts
6. Boss around the nurses/cna's/anyone on the floor without a degree as high/higher than thiers
7. Then spend 30-40 minutes chatting it up with their other pedestal dwellers about nothing more important than their newest toy bought with their disturbingly large salary they earn simply because they went to school forever not because they actually do anything of substance
8. Coffee
9. Smoke break (the most ironic of ironic)

The sad thing is, they charge you OODLES for all of that when actually the only contact you had with the doctor is the 5 minutes he spent trying to get out of your room.

Now I have to take surgeons out of the mix, there is no way that they can pass off a surgery onto someone without as much schooling as they have. This is mostly directed at general doctors who get paid to do absolutely NOTHING! You might have also noticed that I keep using the pronoun He, as much as it pains me to say it due to the equal rights thing, female doctors (with a few exceptions, of course) generally aren't this cavalier with your health. (Most) women are naturally compassionate and healers.

Anyway I don't like doctors, especially when their personal photographers order me to get out of the way so they can be photographed talking on the phone and looking professional for some infinitely stupid reason.

It brings me back to a saying I once heard concerning the medical field "All doctors are healers, but not all healers are doctors"

For lack of a better thing to write about....

2009-04-08T22:23:00.000-07:00

So once again, I'm writing a blog down to the wire, but for some reason, I made enough time to write a stupid quiz note on facebook. So I'm gonna just copy and paste here. Lame beyond lame I know, but feel free to fill it out yourself.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My middle name is the same as this girl that was on my older brother's soccer team (her girlfriend of a sort)
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Probably last Tuesday, it was a long long day
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Well it's legible, and everyone kept complimenting it on Monday night
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Roast Beef
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Just my son, Phoenix, a beta
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I'm pretty freaking sure that I would, I'm an amazing person!
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Naw, not one freaking bit. I'm the least sarcastic person you could ever meet
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yup, and my appendix and my gallbladder!
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? SOMEDAY YES!
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? That's like chosing between your favorite shoes.....I freaking love cereal but if I must choose....Lucky Charms
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Generally no, there is something very liberating? about just pulling your shoes off at the end of the day
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? cookie dough and birthday cake batter
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their teeth or if they breathe loudly.
15. RED OR PINK? PINK!
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I try not to focus on those things but I'm gonna have to say my ability to grow hair at super human speed
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My mommy
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? It'd be cool
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? dark blue jeans and no shoes i'm barefoot as much as I can
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The Nasonex bee ad on the t.v.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Remember when crayoloa introduced all those new colors and everyone got to name them in 1993? I would be all of those colors Robins Egg Blue, Macaroni and Cheese, Denim, Mauvelous, Granny Smith Apple, Pacific Blue, Purple Mountains Majesty, Razmatazz, Shamrock, Tickle Me Pink (and yes I looked some of them up!)
23. FAVORITE SMELL? Boy Smell, Anything Tropical-y, limes and lemons, and the ocean
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My little sister
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Heck no, Heather is the worst ever! Just kidding, she isn't my smarty-pants wife for nothing!
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? On TV? Like none, I hate watching sports on TV, but I love watching pretty much any sport live. But definitely hockey.
27. HAIR COLOR? Redish brownish right now. I'm in need of a dye job
28. EYE COLOR? Hazel-y but sometimes they can be more green or more brown, I'm a believer that they change with my mood
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? I want to but I can't afford them right now so I wear glasses
30. FAVORITE FOOD? I love pizza, like soooo soooo much!
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Well here's the thing, I used to think that I liked scary movies as long as a dude was with me, but early on in the year I saw a scary movie with a guy and I hated hated HATED it! I really like happy ending movies.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? X-Files, I want to believe
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Brown
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Sprummer I like the time right before summer and right after winter
35. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses from boys and my niece and nephews, hugs from everyone else!
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Cheesecake, cake, pie, okay anything that could be considered a relative of cakes, but since Tedi made me Cakies I freaking fell in love with them.
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I have no idea
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? See above question
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? The encyclopedia of useless information
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't have one, eat that quiz
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? I watched a rerun of scrubs on my computer, does that count as watching TV?
42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)? Falling rain, the laughter of friends, words of affection, my ipod, the sound of a handsome man breathing in my ear
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? BEATLES! Love those boys
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Roatan Bay, Honduras
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Making others laugh, giving AWESOME hugs, being compassionate, healing people in my own way
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Long Beach, California
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Whoever does it.
48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? Oh it was a magical night.....I was at the circus and he was cleaning up the elephant poo, he saw me from across the big tent and all time stopped. He pushed aside some floating popcorn and suddenly I ran away, it was love at first sight. (anyone who knows what that is from gets a cookie!)
49. IS THE CUP HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? Half full, always will be
50. IF YOU COULD SIT DOWN TO DINNER WITH FIVE PEOPLE WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE? Matthew Gray Gubler, Jane Austen, Judy Garland, Jim Halpert, and Mister Rogers

NyQuill

2009-04-07T22:13:00.000-07:00

Nyquill is a terrible terrible thing. Okay, so it's actually a good thing because it helps me when I'm sick. But the problem here is that when you take it too late in the evening, it makes for getting up in the morning and being a successful human being a bit difficult.
Anyway, I'll move on.

I had a bit of a revolving door house today. My home teachers (and for those of you playing the game at home, those are two males in my church who come and visit me once a month, they check to make sure that I'm healthy, don't need any yard work done, or any nails needing to be hammered. The female counterparts are called visiting teachers and usually result in baked goods being brought to my house and complaining about men and high grocery prices) came to visit. Now this is usually an ordinary thing but I really can't stand one of my home teachers. He called me today and said "We'll be over in 40 minutes". I had just gotten done running on my treadmill and was COVERED in stinky sweat. Thanks a bunch Matt for making forever cemented in your mind as the girl who always looks nasty at home.

Anyway after the guys left, but before I could even start folding my laundry the Relief Society (again for those of you who don't know, the Relief Society is the group in our church for women 18 and older where we meet and talk about why we are women and how we can help the Lord with our God given talents) presidency from a nearby ward came to visit. I go to what is called a student ward, which is pretty straight forward. It's a ward specifically geared to students age 18-30. Singles wards on the other hand are for people who are single and are 18 and up. There are some very specific differences between a single and a student ward.
Here's a list since I haven't done one in a while.

Student wards consist of people ALWAYS stressing about their grades
Singles ward consist of people ALWAYS stressing about getting married before they are 25.
Student wards are generally a younger population of people
Singles wards are for anyone over 18 who isn't married
Student wards are less of a meat meat market and invite a lot of intellectual conversation
Singles wards generally are a feeding frenzy to find a wife/husband
Student wards have more reality based persons
Singles wards are very un-realistic
Student ward's bishops focus on living morally clean (not having premarital sex)
Singles wards bishops constantly push getting married

Okay so these are SWEEPING generalities and I'm pretty sure there isn't that much of a difference, but in my mind there is. But the ladies visiting were from a singles ward and were wooing me to come to their ward instead of the local student ward.

Sadly though I had already heard their song from a male delegation that had arrived on my doorstep only 5 days prior to their visit. I almost said yes on the spot due to one of the men being VERY attractive.

But until I tap all the male resources in the current ward I'll stick with the one I have.

Oh yeah.....and I feel really close to God when I'm at that ward, can't forget the part about God.

G'Night!

My Beeper

2009-04-06T21:53:00.000-07:00

Okay so I caved, I decided to write a blog about my damn beeper/pager.

IT'S BECOME THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

Yeah I work in a hospital and I get a pager, essentially just like everyone else at work. Yet when I wear it on my waistband of my scrubs I feel like I can freaking rule the whole world with just the dinky gadget strapped to my waist.

I'm not really sure what this tiny square of plastic and electronics has inside it that makes me feel like a freaking super hero. Its like Wonder Woman's lasso, Superman's cape, Batman's batarang, and The Hulks purple pants all mixed into one. I literally can feel the awesome escape me when I take it off my pants at the end of the day.

I feel really important working at such an amazing hospital. I mean our hospital is one of the foremost leaders in research and development in the state. We are adjacent to one of the best pediatric hospitals in the state as well as many of the states that surround us. Maybe the fact that that pager connects me to that hospital down to it's new installed wiring.

I guess I can equate it with this. When I was a younger kid, I would take my mom's cell phone from her purse when we were at the supermarket and I would go a few aisles down and pretend to talk on it so people would think I'm a tech-savy 14 year old. I felt like the coolest kid even though no one validated that. Now I feel like I'm cool when I have this pager.

On another note, I finally got my own pair of SUPER comfy, super against the rules that I have it, hospital scrubs.

I love my job!

Epic fail....

2009-04-05T22:24:00.000-07:00

I totally didn't blog-apply myself today, too much stuff was going on and I was too far away from Vaughn (my laptop) for a great portion of the day that I couldn't write the fab blog I'm promising to myself and to the WORLD!

Anyway, I was concocting what to write about at work today and all I could come up with (oops it's tecnically day 6) talking about my beeper and why it makes me feel so awesome, but that will have to be craftily written for it to be of any interest to anyone else, so it will happen another day.

LAME!

FOUR!

2009-04-04T01:51:00.000-07:00

Okay so if you want to get technical it's still day three, except it isn't because it's 3 in the morning. Three in the morning constitutes the next day. Anyway, I have a bit of pent up energy, I just got home from dancing with some girls and I have to write about it.

Now most of you are gonna look at this story and say "so what?" So I will give you some back-story to make it less of a "so what" type reaction. If after you hear the back-story and the actual story and you still think "so what" I'm sorry to have wasted your time.

BEGIN BACK-STORY
So let's just get it out there blogging world....I'm a Mormon (oh yes I am!) I'm proud of this fact, I love my religion, I believe every word I'm told (after careful spiritual pondering, of course), and I don't need anyone getting on my blog telling me what a crock my religion is. I believe it's true and I've heard every anti-Mormon sentiment you can throw at me and it still won't shake my beliefs.
Hem Hem....moving on.
But as a member of the LDS faith, there are certain....social patterns one must follow. One of them being how you dance. Now dancing is really low on the totem pole of sins that you could commit. I'm sure that my Bishop would be waaaaay more worried about me having premarital sex than he would about where my hips where going while I was busting a move. But still, it's common knowledge that grinding, freak dancing, dry humping vertically, whatever the heck you want to call it, is somewhat frowned upon.
The dance that I mentioned in yesterday's blog I ended up going to. It was actually really fun, I went with two of my best friends, Rachel and Laura. The music wasn't TOO bad. The problem with being a LDS girl like myself, is that the only music that people really like dancing to that doesn't involve a huge possibility for rejection is hip hop. I'm hoping that you are drawing a conclusion here, but for those of you who aren't on our page, I'll explain.
Have you ever tried to dance not sexy to a hip hop song? Granted, I will say I do NOT dance sexy....I try but the fact that I'm white shines through my attempts, so it rarely comes out sexy, it's more like my hip is breaking and I'm trying to dance and not be in pain. But anyway there really isn't a way you can't dance to that type of music without swaying your hips a bit....maybe a shimmy here or there.
But people at what basically boils down to a MORMON dance were grinding all up on each other. I swear at one point I was dancing next to a couple that were having sex on the floor. Now that might make me sound like a bit of a prude. I'm not, for the record. I mean I got my freak on, just not in a way that looked like I was getting my freak on. I let a guy get pretty close, it was enjoyable, actually I let many guys get close, in way that could be considered "dirty dancing" but I wasn't, you know, rubbing places on the guy with places on my body (trying to keep it PG, here)
It made me feel liberated in a way. That I could just make one move on a guy sort of shuffling past and he could dance with me, or he could keep moving. It made for a lot less feeling like a loser when someone would reject me. Rachel and I actually came up with a move similar to a sandwich. We would stand just far enough away from eachother that a normal sized human being could squeeze through. If we both nodded in just such a way and a guy was walking through that space, we would ambush him from both sides. I guess you could compare it to Chris Kattan and Will Farrell in "Night at The Roxberry" when they bounce a girl back and forth between thier pelvis's. It was less dirty and much prettier when Rach and I did it, though. We didn't trap the poor guy, we gave them enough leeway that they could escape without pushing one or both of us over, but it made for a much more fun time and we got to dance with a lot of cool guys.
.
.
.
Wait, was that us exploiting the fact that guys love when two girls do anything that could be constitued at somewhat sexual together? The whole two girls bit? Uh oh!

Anyway, I'm gonna go to bed now becuase I'm almost asleep at the keyboard. Never a good idea.

Oh and to all of you who read this and thought it was a crap post I'm sorry, but I actually loved writing this one.
G'night!

Pathetic...yeah?

2009-04-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's only day three of BEDA and I already can't think of things to write about. That's so depressing. I think it's because tiny chicken disease is at it's peak right now. I have an ear, throat, nose, and head ache. I didn't get much sleep last night due to the tiny chicken eggs stuck in my head, they blocked my nasal passages even with a breathe right strip and my medicated chest rub (oi, that sounds so disgusting!). I'm not a mouth breather and mouth breathers make me sick, but last night unfortunatly so I didn't become a victim of suffocation I had to breathe through my mouth. Anyway this topic sucks so I'm moving on.....

I was going to go see The Fast and The Furious with some boys from church for my friend Jack's birthday but honestly I'm not going. I have 15 minutes to get downtown and I won't have any girl back up so I can't gush about how hot someone is on the movie screen. Guys don't want to hear that crap.

I'm also supposed to go to this ginormous dance that's being held in the city tonight for Conference weekend, but I'm really not feeling it. I went 2 years ago and unless you bring guys with you, you have no one to dance with. The music mostly sucks as well at these. I really just want to get in my jammies and have someone come over and cuddle with me. I'm just in that mode you know?

Speaking of cuddling, my facebook informed me that April 7th is unofficial cuddling day. So get your partners early. I'm hoping I get snatched up pretty soon (yeah right!) But I put it up as my facebook status so hopefully someone takes the bait!

Yeah, that's about all I got....I think I'm gonna put myself in a NyQuil induced sleep soon!

Hopefully I will have better things to say soon!

Day 2

2009-04-02T11:30:00.000-07:00

On goes the BEDA

Last night Laura and I went to the Post Secret Event. It was AMAZING, I got to meet Frank Warren, the creator and see some awesome Post Secrets, heard others spill their secrets, and share one with my best friend Laura. It was a really awesome experience.

After that, we decided to go to Ashley's house and watch Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist in our jammies because none of us had work/school in the morning. I love spontaneous late night get-togethers. It's one of the things I absolutley LOVE about living on my own. Not that I didn't love living at home, but it's just really nice to be able to get a phone call in the middle of the night asking if I want to go to IHOP in my jammies and be able to say a resounding YES! I just love spending time with the two of them. They really in the short time I've known them become two of my greatest friends.

In other news, I have the Achiever back. I'm hoping this is the last time for a LONG time that I have to get it fixed because frankly, I don't know how much more beneficial it will be to keep fixing it. It drives so much better now, I can only conclude it's because the axle is properly attached this time. But in picking it up, I got to see my Momma, Jeff, and Grandma and Grandpa. Not to mention Laura met all of them, so now we can officially get married. Ha Ha I kid of course!

And now, because I'm lazy I'll just do a bullet point list of things I need to say.

I'm really gassy becuase Laura gave me a fiber one bar, and aparently I fart hardcore in my sleep.
I have tiny chicken disease running rampant through my head right now.
I played a really funny April Fools Joke on my friend Rick that in actuality may have only been funny to me and Laura.
Frank Warren signed my book last night and it is another prized possession.

And yeah....that's it. Not the best blog I could write but it's BEDA not BEDAWFIWWBIA
(Blog every day and write funny informative well worded blogs in April)

Thank you and Goodnight (well day it's only one in the afternoon)

BEDA

2009-04-01T10:15:00.000-07:00

Maureen Johnson (one of my favorite authors) has put up a challenge (http://tinyurl.com/ck6xdb) to Blog Every Day In April or BEDA as it's known. I felt this was a challenge I could definitely undertake. I actually really love blogging and reading other people's blogs, so long as it has relevant information on it. So here I try.

I think Katy is really the only person so far that actually follows my blogs (HI KATY!) but I've realized I'm a tad remiss in updating it actually about my life. Although if you know me well, you know that music is a really big way in how I feel emotion and live my life. But with this challenge also comes a challenge within a challenge. I need to speak more of my own words and stop leaning on the words of others to say how I feel.

I've been really sick the last two days, like barfy-can't-eat-or-drink-anything sick. I've basically been living in the bathroom or in my bed except for the 4 hours I hauled myself to work on Monday. It's not a fun thing being sick, and last night I got pretty emotionally frustrated.

Now I don't want anyone to think that my whole life revolves around finding someone to date, that's not the case at all but when I moved to Salt Lake my dating life became a degree more exciting. I've dated more in the last 3 months than I have all of last year combined. But with dating comes the constant "what's wrong with me" when dates don't work out. I've had a lot of holes shot through my protective confidence shield and it doens't make for a lot of feeling good about yourself when that happens.

But I keep carrying on you know, my goal of letting things roll off my back has been a really amazing journey for me. I've stopped keeping things in my head. I get angry/sad/hurt for a few hours, I stomp around, I write all of it down, and then destroy the writing in some way. And I've let it go. It's a nice feeling to not have all those feelings jumbled up inside of me.

In other news, I'm headed to Logan this evening with my bestie, Laura. We are going to a Post Secret live event and I'm beyond stoked! I've been a huge fan of PS for like 2 years now, and I really can't wait to go participate in something so much bigger than all of us. It's been a small comfort to connect with people on a weekly baisis who have no knowlegde of who I am, what my beliefs are, or why I'm reading PS. But to know that there are people in the world who deal with the same things that I do....it's really a beautiful feeling.

Any-dang-way, I'll see you kids tomorrow!

Because it's an amazing song!

2009-03-17T01:23:00.000-07:00

"A Walk Through Hell"
By Say Anything.

And if I could swim
I'd swim out to you in the ocean,
Swim out to where you were floating
in the dark.
And if was blessed
I walk on the water you're breathing,
To lend you some air for that heaving
Sunken chest.
'Cause they chose you
As the model
For their empty little dreams.
With your new head
And your legs spread
Like a filthy magazine.
And they hunt you
And they gut you
And you give in.

And if I was brave
I'd climb up to you on the mountain.
They led you to drink from their fountain
Spouting lies.
And I'd slay
The horrible beast they commissioned
To steer me away from my mission
To your eyes,
And I'd stand there
Like a soldier
With my foot upon his chest.
With my grin spread
And my arms out
In my bloodstained Sunday's best,
And you'd hold me
I'd remind you
Who you are...
Under their shell..

I'd walk through hell for you.
Let it burn right through my shoes.
These soles are useless without you.
Through hell for you
Let the torturing ensue.
My soul is useless without you

And if they sent a whirlwind,
I'd hug it like a harmless little tree.
Or an earthquake,
I'd calm it,
And I'd bring you back to me,
And I'd hold you
In my weak arms like a first born.

I'd walk through hell for you.
Let it burn right through my shoes.
These soles are useless without you.
Through hell for you
Let the torturing ensue.
My soul is useless without you (through hell for you)

(through hell for you) without you
Without you (through hell for you)
Without you (through hell for you)

Now, I've walked through hell for you,
What's an adventurer to do
But rest these feet at home with you

And once again because she is amazing...miss Julia Nunes

Cliff Jumping

2009-03-06T00:52:00.000-08:00

I'm on the brink of something, yet it's something I can't quite touch, can't quite figure out what it is. Do I just jump over the edge into the unknown? No of course not, I can't do that until I feel the warmth of another hand in mine. I can't jump over this cliff until I have someone to do it with me.

I keep thinking about what the next few weeks will bring. My new job, for starters. I'm so looking forward to being a part of this new place, and yet I continually miss the people from the old place. They were my family in so many ways, and I feel as if they all could care less about my life now. I keep trying to figure out how to hold on to the old life while fully embracing this new one with open arms.

And for the first time in a long time, I'm really interested in dating again. I mean I've always been interested in dating but the last year in Brigham has made me somewhat of a cynic. A person who really no longer believed in love. I had started to forget what it felt like to be that way again.

But now, being in a place full of MANY worthy candidates for the part of boyfriend/lover/future husband I find myself more invested in looking presentable and showing a front (and hopefully a back) of an eligible girlfriend/lover/future wife. Once again I'm trying to find the attributes of a person I might want to spend the rest of my life in the men around me be it at school, out and about, and at church.

With all this comes the challenges that once before turned me off to dating as a whole. The insecurity, the impatience, the constant analyzing, the incessant need to look as good as possible in public, and the constant comparing of myself to other girls that in reality are somewhat my competition. I wish I could skip over this whole thing as a whole. I really kind of hate this whole bit.

So we'll see I guess.

This Is Your Life-The Killers

2009-03-04T19:45:00.000-08:00

Candy talks to strangers
Thinks her life's in danger
No one gives a damn about her hair
It's lonely down on track street
She used to go by Jackie
The cops, they'll steal your dreams and they'll kill your prayers
Take a number where the blood just barely dried

Wait for something better
No one behind you
Watching your shadows
This feeling won't go

Crooked wheels keep tuning
Children, are you learning
Climatize, but don't you lose the plot
A history of blisters
Your brothers and your sisters
Somewhere in the pages we forgot

Take a number Jackie
Where the blood just barely dried
You know I'm on your side

Wait for something better
No one behind you
Watching your shadows
You gotta be stronger than the story
Don't let it blind you
Rivers of shadow
This feeling wont go

And the sky is full of dreams
But you don't know how to fly
I don't have a simple answer
But I know that I could answer
Something better

This feeling won't go

Wait for it

Wait for it

Wait for it

Wait for it

Something better

Late Night Musing Poem (crap)

2009-03-03T23:30:00.000-08:00

Do you need a poem?
A pile of words
Maybe, a line about your eyes
A paragraph about your laugh
A few words about your smile

I would gladly write them
Were it so simple to do so
But I am no poet
I can't rhyme or find a meter
With which to speak of the ache you bring

A song perhaps?
A melody mimicking your voice
A beat to match your heart
Lyrics to tell the world of how I feel
How I feel when you look at me.

But the notes come out wrong
And the chords don't progress well
The beat is off and I can't find the rhythm
I'm not a songwriter
No, not a songwriter

But I'll keep on trying
To find a way to say
How much I feel whenever you are near
But not in a poem, no not in a ryhme
Nor in a song, or in a melody.

And where am I sitting?

2009-02-12T19:39:00.000-08:00

Here's another pity
And there's another chance
Try to learn a lesson
But you can't.
If we can burn a city
In futures and in past,
Without a change our lives will never last.
Cause we're going fast.

You can sit beside me when the world comes down,
If it doesn't matter then just turn around.
We don't need our bags and we can just leave town.
You can sit beside me when the world comes down.

What can we do better,
When will we know how?
A man says from a sidewalk to a crowd.
If we can change the weather,
If you wanted to yourself.
And if you can't I guess we all need help, yeah,
I need help.

You can sit beside me when the world comes down,
If it doesn't matter then just turn around.
We don't need our bags and we can just leave town.
You can sit beside me when the world comes down.

We say
And we do
All the lies
The truth
And all I need is next to me.

Yeah, we're going fast.

You can sit beside me when the world comes down,
If it doesn't matter then just turn around.
Will you be the queen? And I'll be your clown
You can sit beside me when the world comes down.
You can sit beside me when the world comes
You can sit beside me when the world comes down

Dorky song but a really great message!

2009-02-05T16:36:00.000-08:00

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

"I'll be over at ten", you told me time and again
But you're late, I wait around and then (bah dah dah)
I run to the door, I can't take any more
It's not you, you let me down again

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time, and I'll make you happy
(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home
I'll be beside the phone waiting for you
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

You were my toy but I could be the boy you adore
If you'd just let me know (bah dah dah)
Although you're untrue, I'm attracted to you all the more
Why do I need you so

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you happy
(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home
I'll be beside the phone waiting for you
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

I-I-I need you-oo-oo more than anyone, baby
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart
{fade}

And here is the cutest girl ever singing it with her friends.....Big ups to Julia Nunes!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeP1Klmk0ng

Nothing nothing nothing to write

2008-12-17T18:55:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated this blog in like a while....I know, I'm lame. Anyway I really don't have a lot of things to update with. Work is the same, finals were....finals.

Everyone knows I'm moving, but here's something you might not know....I was going to move into the bigger room upstairs in the house (that also let me have my own bathroom). Janine (head roommate) told me yesterday that the roommate who lives there had decided to stay. So I now am living in the troll hole again. It's seriously such a tiny room.

I don't want to be whiny, I'm so grateful I can move in there, and that I will have a place to move with people I basically trust, but I really don't want to live in that room. More than half the room is taken over by beautiful cabinets, but good night that doesn't leave a lot of room for artistic creativity when it comes to my room. I'll just have to make due with what I have, right?

In other news, Criminal Minds has Mitch Pileggi as a special guest and they played "Well Respected Man About Town" by The Kinks, which is one of my favorites songs from the Juno soundtrack. Not to mention it's Criminal Minds so once again I get to see my boyfriend, the Gubes.

I also got a new nickname today. I'm now Bffl (pronounce Beefell). Dave, my purported best friend (for these 2 months now!) decided we were more than best friends we are Best Friends For Life, hence Bffl! I love that kid. I'm thinking it's going to stick, oh dear.

Song of the Day!

Songs To Change Your Life To

2008-11-21T15:07:00.000-08:00

So I've read on a few of my cyber buddies blogs this post. Basically what it is is to post songs that would make a mixed c.d. of music that changed your life. Here are my top....whatever.

1. "Red Sweater" The Aquabats!

Now some might not think that this song would be life changing but for me it was. I was a very depressed kid while in high school and my music reflected that. I listened to "unhappy people" music. One day while my C.D.'s were on shuffle in my player, this song came on. I hadn't listened to that particular album in a really long time. It reminded me that there were things worth being happy for. I can't explain it, but it saved my life.

2. "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" Death Cab For Cutie

I personally believe this is one of the most honest, beautiful, and touching love songs ever written. Its just a song about how when you die, no one really knows whats going to happen, but no matter what if you have the one you love at your side it really doesn't matter.

3. "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" Judy Garland

I learned to sing this song long before I was forming sentences and it's always been a comforting song in down times. I love the movie.

4. "Abide With Me, Tis Eventide"

It's a hymn but I think what always gets me every time is the line "Oh Savior stay this night with me, behold tis eventide" I'm very religious and I love knowing that I always have someone with me no matter where I am and no matter what.

5. "Imagine" John Lennon

I really think there are no words to explain this song. And frankly I don't think there needs to be any.

6. "Iris" Goo Goo Dolls

This was mine and my first boyfriend's "song" when I was in Junior High. It reminds me that passion like that is really possible. It wasn't about politics, or sex, or any of the grown up crap. Just two people who liked being held by someone who cares.

7. "Love is a Battlefield" Pat Benatar

This is one of the craziest songs from the 80's but I love love love it becuase it reminds me of fun nights at sleepovers where we danced to it in costumes. Just like in 13 going on 30.

8. "That's Okay" The Hush Sound

Like the my first post , you all know I love this song. It reminds me of a man who was very pivotal in my life, who now is not longer part of it. This song almost perfectly describes him.

9. "Your Guts (I Hate Them)" Reel Big Fish

Who can't have a little ska in your playlist, but this song is really just the best thing to listen to when you are pissed at someone (co-workers, boys, family always top the list for me!) "This is your song congratulations!"

10. "That's All" Varous different artists but spesifically Michael Buble

I think it's just a really beautiful song, I don't think I need to explain why.

11. "All Over You" The Spill Canvas

Its sort of like a peppy sad song....does that even make sense? I will always understand the line "I'm all over you, I'm not over you" I saw them live about 2 weeks ago and I fell in love with Nick-o!

12. "The Legend of The Rent" Jack Black in School Of Rock

This is so amazing that he acts out his own rock song, not to mention that Cami and I love acting it out in public and having people looking at us like we are crazy! "Chimes!" I miss being this excited about performing music, if only all music teachers were like Jack Black and would instill a love of music in kids like he does in this movie.

13. "Thick as Thieves" Dashboard Confessional

This song always reminds me of this one night when I drove around with my best friend in the middle of winter looking at Christmas Lights. We spoke of a large amount of amazing things, and this song was the first song on the radio and it's the only thing we listened to that night except eachothers voices. It was very surreal and novelistic. It means so much more to me especially since he lives far away and I never get to talk to him anymore.

14. "I'm Still Breathing" Katy Perry

I think that this song conveys at least how if feel after a relationship (romantic or otherwise) goes sour. It's written romantically but I remember feeling this way when I lost friends. It could be classified as super emo, but I really like listening to it. Knowing someone out there feels this way at the same time is comforting.

15. "Other People's Stories" from the Musical Amor

Living vicariously through others lives is something all of us like to do. Don't deny it. Celebrity magazines don't just fly off the shelves by themselves. I'm not different so I love this song!

16 "Defying Gravity" Idina Menzel in Wicked

In some ways really defying gravity gives you a sense of control. You know "sticking it to the man and such"! This song is all about female empowerment and telling authority where to stick it and I love it. I still get the same rush I felt when I saw it live when I hear it coming from my ipod.

17 "Dance, Dance" Fall Out Boy

This song is my anthem. I love dancing so much! I'm such a terrible one!!!! But I still love it and this song is really me.

So thats it. I could probably find more that fit. But these work for now.

Booo yah!

Blah

2008-11-10T23:27:00.000-08:00

There is so much that I could talk about in this blog....Obama, my grandpa's heart attack, talking to Lindise, the Big concert, Jarom, you name it! But, it's 12:28 in the morning and I've had a very long day....

So I will just post a Lullaby now

Me posting videos of the song of the day is going to become more and more frequent I believe, becuase lyrics are only half the song (duh). Music helps it become more alive.

First Blog!

2008-11-03T20:14:00.000-08:00

So welcome to the newest blog penned by yours truly. For those of you just joining us, I'm Brittany. I'm 22 and a Gemini, not that I subscribe to anything that my horoscope tells me. I just use it to start conversations I guess.

Moving on....

So I like to blog, and usually it's just me sort of barfing at my keyboard when I'm feeling too much emotion to keep it all encased within my skin.

So yeah....

Sorry this was such a boring first post, but all my creativity is going into my NaNoWriMo novel....sorry!

Here is my song of the day. I often post lyrics to songs to really convey how I'm feeling that day. Either that or they are songs that remind me of people who are on my mind. Hopefully He will understand. So many things in this song remind me of him. Anyway enjoy, it's a great song and I'm seeing them live on Friday!!!!